CurlTalk

Anyone else have "mommy" issues in regards to their curls?

ballerinacurlsballerinacurls Posts: 8Registered Users
My mom straightens her hair everyday, no exceptions. I'm convinced that it used to be wavy or slightly curly, but now if it isn't straightened it's just frizzy and thin. Well, here's the story. I developed curly hair when I went through puberty, and before that it was straight with a bit of curl at the bottom. I've always felt like she kind of hated my curly, thick hair. She always suggests that I brush it out or "do" something with it, as if I try my hardest to make it look like crap, but that isn't the case. She also likes when I straighten it and only compliments me if I do. I'm pretty new to this site, and I'm *finally* getting answers to all my curly hair problems, and my hair is starting to feel healthier even though I haven't even gone CG yet. Well, I was so excited about this that I mentioned it to her the other day and now she's on the warpath. She thinks I'm trying to make it curlier instead of trying to tame it, and she finally admitted to me this morning that my hair bothers her. Apparently it's unkempt and messy, and while it probably is too some degree, I think my hair is pretty and her nasty little comments are starting to really make me resent her. I just turned sixteen, by the way.

So, my question is, will you guys share your stories of family members that don't like your hair? And how you dealt with them too? Thank you in advance!
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Comments

  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    My mom tells me to cut my hair, but my dad tells me to straighten it... In the end the only thing that matters is how comfortable you are with yourself, that brings the most happiness : )
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

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  • BreahPicklesBreahPickles Posts: 10Registered Users
    My mom has issues with her own hair. She's Irish-American, and looking at pictures of her when she was a teen, she had beautiful, red ringlets. Just gorgeous. She looked like a milkmaid or something haha. But now she just wears it straight, and it's so boring and she picks at her split ends and whenever I mention that she should wear it natural, she gets irritated with me.

    I am mixed, my father is Somali+Indian...and my hair is super curly. She loves my curly hair, but hates hers. It makes me sad for her sometimes.
  • proudcurlygirlyproudcurlygirly Posts: 478Registered Users
    :( Sad to hear that your mom won't accept your gorgeous curls ballerinacurls! I agree with GroYoFro, as long as you are comfortable with your curls, that's all that matters. My mom flits from "why don't you brush your hair" to "ahh, look at your curls" (I think that's her compliment!:laughing6:) Much as I love her, I just brush off any negative comments now, and concentrate on making my curls look their best. Maybe eventually, your mom will get the message that it's your hair to style as you choose.

    Best wishes.;-)
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  • JRockJRock Posts: 170Registered Users
    I'm sorry for the lack of curl love from your family. I agree with the others, if you're happy with them I wouldn't worry about what any else thinks.

    I had the opposite problem. My mom had gorgeous curly hair growing up but did a straightening treatment in high school (70's baby) and it fried her hair. She was super jealous of all our curly hair (my sister, my brothers and myself). She was forever getting perms to regain her curls.


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  • Touch.of.inkTouch.of.ink Posts: 297Registered Users
    She thinks I'm trying to make it curlier instead of trying to tame it, and she finally admitted to me this morning that my hair bothers her.

    I'll bet you're right, and that she used to have curly hair. She probably didn't know it, and I'll bet *her* mother kept complaining about her hair and telling her to brush it (which, as we know, only makes it frizzy). She only knows how to deal with your hair the way her mother (or other caretaker) did it.

    You know your mom best, and if this isn't possible, then ignore this advice, but here's what I suggest.

    One day, when the two of you haven't been having a tussel over your hair, and when you're feeling loving towards her, ask her about what her hair was like when she was young. What did she love about it, what did she hate about it? What did other people in her life say about her hair?

    You may find it easier to forgive her, after you hear her story. Depending on how it goes, you may be able to tell her that you're experimenting with ways to make your hair better. That things you've tried in the past haven't worked, and so you want to try this. Will she support you and break the cycle of hair hate that (I'm betting) has gone on, or can she at least agree to not say anything about it while you're trying to work things out. It's not like you're taking drugs or anything :)

    No matter if you are able to have the conversation or not, I hope you understand that her hair issues are just that...hers. It has nothing to do with your hair, or how it looks, or how healthy it is. I don't know if her mother hated her curly hair, or if she was taught something along the line of "only tramps have curly hair" or what, but it's definitely her issues. Don't make them your own :)
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  • curlygirly224curlygirly224 Posts: 16Registered Users
    My mom has super straight, thin hair and she's super jealous of my curls. I've always had curly hair, even when I was little, and that's where my "mommy issues" came in. She had no idea what to do with curly hair because hers was straight so she would just brush it when it was dry and it really hurt because it had so many knots and it just turned into a frizzy mess.
  • CurlyFireHorseCurlyFireHorse Posts: 350Registered Users
    If you can get her to look, show her the before and after thread. The hair there is too beautiful to be ignored. :)
    CurlyFireHorse
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  • Libra_MoonLibra_Moon Posts: 255Registered Users
    I'm having opposite issues with my 15 year old. And, I always make sure to comment the rare occasion she wears her hair down and curly.

    Sent from my DROID X2 using CurlTalk App with accidental obvious autocorrect errors throughout.
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  • TangledToriiTangledTorii Posts: 164Registered Users
    For some reason, I'm the only one in my family with curly hair. My mom, my dad and my sis all have really straight hair.
    They don't like mine.

    Sent from my "wish I had a better" phone
    2c/3a mix. Low Porosity, Coarse, Mid-back length when curly, Mod CG, Loreal Eversleek: Sulfate/ Silicone free Shampoo, Conditioner, Deep conditioner (Weekly), Leave in Conditioner, Frizz Serum,
    Garnier Frutcus Pure Clean: Gel and Frizz control.Live clean Exotic Necter Argan oil spray regularly.

    I alternate use of products and use both Shampoo and Conditioner daily. Have been mod- CG for approx. 5 months. Straighten aprox once every 2 weeks. Thinking of going full CG. :thumbright:
  • KrystalinaKrystalina Posts: 5Registered Users
    I know exactly how you feel! My mother has always made comments like 'you should straighten your hair so it'll look good for such-and-such event' or 'are you sure you don't want to put your hair up?' Basically my hair only looked good if it was straightened or out of the way. It got to the point where I would straighten my hair every week and keep it that way as long as possible because I could never feel pretty with curly hair. Ever since coming on here and learning about the CG method and plopping etc I'm a lot better at keeping up with my curls and I'm learning to love them. :) Despite what my mother says. You have to just tune that stuff out.
  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    This is awesome, look at all the support she is getting!!
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

    Click here to visit - GRO YO FRO!
  • forbeeforbee Posts: 441Registered Users
    My mom once threatened to kick me out of the house unless I got my hair "done"....
    last relaxer 08/08/09
    all natural since 7/30/10


    Shrinkage happens.
  • ZeldaZelda Posts: 17Registered Users
    My mum seems to prefer it when I straighten my hair. One of the joys of being south Asian. Guess I should be glad I'm not being harassed about my dark sin!
  • ChikyuuChikyuu Posts: 268Registered Users
    My mom was an extreme opposite. Straightening my hair was expressly forbidden, and in my life it's only ever been flat ironed once. It was a weird experience XP And when I was in middle school I went through a huge tomboy phase and always wore my hair in a ponytail, and this drove my mom insane, she always insisted I wore it down.

    Now I always wear my hair down XD And straightening is still pretty much forbidden.
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  • curlangel0690curlangel0690 Posts: 172Registered Users
    My mom was opposite. She loved my curls and hated when I straighted it and even more when I cut it shoulder length. Right now I'm considering a BC and when I told her she freaked out. She told me my hair was going to be all frizz and poofy cause it was short. I tried to explain to her that that wouldn't happen because now I know how to take care of my hair and style it. Did she listen? No. She just kept going on about how horrible I will look with short hair in that special way moms do that makes you feel guilty and angry at the same time. I just tuned her out until she was done and then changed the subject. The best part is I'm a married adult and I still care what she says. I think it's really hard for girls to go against some of the things our mothers tell us because they are our first female role models and when we are young we strive for their approval. What you have to remember is at the end of the day it is your life and your hair and you need to do you. If you live for someone else you will wake up one day and realize you haven't lived at all.
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  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    forbee wrote: »
    My mom once threatened to kick me out of the house unless I got my hair "done"....

    Hahaha omgggg so sorry to hear that!! How did you calm her down??
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

    Click here to visit - GRO YO FRO!
  • monipearlmonipearl Posts: 95Registered Users
    my mom tells me i need to do something with my hair all the time. by "do something" she means straighten. whenever i have it flat-ironed, all i hear is "it's so pretty! you should do that all the time."

    she's asian with the stick-straight hair and never knew what to do with our hair. my sister's and my hair were always straightened. i eventually embraced my natural curls but i don't think i've ever seen my sister's curl pattern.

    i've learned to ignore the negative comments.
    3c-4b. probably.
    medium/coarse texture.
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  • Brooke-Brooke- Posts: 21Registered Users
    My mom tells me I look alot prettier with straight hair, and tries to badger me into straightening all the time.
    Makes me feel like poo. I like my curly hair and feel ugly with straight.
  • WurlyLoxWurlyLox Posts: 4,858Registered Users
    If the good Lord had intended everyone's hair to be straight, He'd have made it that way. I've found that pointing that out shuts up most people, family and otherwise.

    I'm 55, and I still get looks, if not actual comments, from my parents if they see me before I've SOTC'd, especially from my Dad. I've now been ignoring it for over 30 years :)
    2C/3A/3B - modified CG - fairly fine now, normal/low porosity/normal elasticity

    Current Main Rotation: MG217 medicated or Aim2Health 'poos for scalp, Elucence cond., Spiral Solutions Protein & Deeply Decadent Cond., CJCCCC reg or lite,CJ Pattern Pusha,, Giovanni LA Hold Hair Spritz + lots more, sporadically

    HG Method: Super Soaker + Smasters-ing, brief upside down diffusing w/360o diffuser then clips/clamps & air dry. Newly gray - stopped my henna glosses!

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  • ChikyuuChikyuu Posts: 268Registered Users
    My mom was opposite. She loved my curls and hated when I straighted it and even more when I cut it shoulder length. Right now I'm considering a BC and when I told her she freaked out. She told me my hair was going to be all frizz and poofy cause it was short. I tried to explain to her that that wouldn't happen because now I know how to take care of my hair and style it. Did she listen? No. She just kept going on about how horrible I will look with short hair in that special way moms do that makes you feel guilty and angry at the same time. I just tuned her out until she was done and then changed the subject. The best part is I'm a married adult and I still care what she says. I think it's really hard for girls to go against some of the things our mothers tell us because they are our first female role models and when we are young we strive for their approval. What you have to remember is at the end of the day it is your life and your hair and you need to do you. If you live for someone else you will wake up one day and realize you haven't lived at all.

    OMG that too! I totally had forgotten that my Mom absolutely LOATHED me wanting to get my hair cut, and that was practically forbidden, too. As a result I've maybe gotten it cut 3 times in my life? It was kind of a pain growing up.
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    Daily routine: Cleanse, LI, soak with water, scrunch in gel, plop, pixie diffuse, air dry.


  • GroYoFroGroYoFro Posts: 237Registered Users
    Brooke- wrote: »
    My mom tells me I look alot prettier with straight hair, and tries to badger me into straightening all the time.
    Makes me feel like poo. I like my curly hair and feel ugly with straight.

    Trust your instinct and be yourself, keep it curly!!
    "Life is too short to keep your hair short"

    Click here to visit - GRO YO FRO!
  • CatlCatl Posts: 4Registered Users
    Oouf, Ballerinacurls your situation is a tough one. From what you stated, it sounds to me that the mom's reaction has more to do with her own insecurities than how your hair really looks. So when she criticizes your hair, I'm sure it's because she's insecure about her own. She must wish that she had straight, thick hair, but she can't achieve it. So she transfers those desires and insecurities on to you. People use the words that would hurt them the most when they attack others. So probably your mom dreads someone telling her that her own hair is messy and unkempt.

    And now that you're not conforming to her ideals of beauty, she'll try to bully you into doing so. But you have to remember that it's your hair, not hers. God gave her a head of hair, and she fried it. She doesn't get to have a second round with yours! If she hadn't tried so hard to conform to a standard of beauty that wasn't meant for her, then maybe she wouldn't be so unhappy about her own hair.
  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users
    My mom use to press my hair, and I talked her into perms. >_<

    As an adult, my family loves my hair. Or at least they don't bash it to my face. My mom loved my locs, and she loves my curls. I'm lucky there...

    But DH has been a thorn in my natural side since my last perm. He hated my locs until they got long and everyone lusted after them, and he hated my loose curls until my "boy cut" grew out. He likes it now- or he's not insulting it anymore. I've had some hard times with him. (A FIST FIGHT over my locs!!!!)

    Jen :D


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  • freeasmyhair12freeasmyhair12 Posts: 12Registered Users
    Well, it's funny because my mom is white hispanic with long wavy hair and my dad is black, but my mom has always been way more supportive of my curly hair than my dad's side of the family. She actually thinks I don't have enough pride in my hair and gets mad at me when I wear wigs. She seems to take it as a personal affront because I'm a person she created XD She's very sensitive and concerned with black issues and that I might be buying into stereotypes of beauty always worries her (but I don't know how much that might apply to you).

    I'm very grateful I have a mother like this, but of course everyone has that person who will make nasty comments about your appearance in what they feel is in good esteem. And for me that person is my paternal grandmother. I've already made a thread talking about her, so you might know. But she despises my hair and treats me different than the other grandchildren because I have curliest hair and I'm "blackest". Of course she'd never admit, but I feel like she honestly likes me less.

    But don't worry, as you can see with my mom and grandmother, you just have to find someone who will build you up. If you look you will always find five people for everyone one that absolutely adore your hair! :wav:
  • proudcurlygirlyproudcurlygirly Posts: 478Registered Users
    Well, it's funny because my mom is white hispanic with long wavy hair and my dad is black, but my mom has always been way more supportive of my curly hair than my dad's side of the family. She actually thinks I don't have enough pride in my hair and gets mad at me when I wear wigs. She seems to take it as a personal affront because I'm a person she created XD She's very sensitive and concerned with black issues and that I might be buying into stereotypes of beauty always worries her (but I don't know how much that might apply to you).

    I'm very grateful I have a mother like this, but of course everyone has that person who will make nasty comments about your appearance in what they feel is in good esteem. And for me that person is my paternal grandmother. I've already made a thread talking about her, so you might know. But she despises my hair and treats me different than the other grandchildren because I have curliest hair and I'm "blackest". Of course she'd never admit, but I feel like she honestly likes me less.

    But don't worry, as you can see with my mom and grandmother, you just have to find someone who will build you up. If you look you will always find five people for everyone one that absolutely adore your hair! :wav:

    :thumright: That's a great positive attitude to pass on freeasmyhair12!
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    Porosity : High
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  • WavyshibbyWavyshibby Posts: 165Registered Users
    My parents hate my curly hair. Whenever my dad takes me out he begs me to straighten in, and tells me it looks better straight. Both parents compliment me when I straighten it only. But it doesn't really deterr me, especially since people compliment me on my curls all the time.
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  • WurlyLoxWurlyLox Posts: 4,858Registered Users
    Hey, just remind them you got it thru them - it ain't your fault ;) That always gets a rise from my Dad.
    2C/3A/3B - modified CG - fairly fine now, normal/low porosity/normal elasticity

    Current Main Rotation: MG217 medicated or Aim2Health 'poos for scalp, Elucence cond., Spiral Solutions Protein & Deeply Decadent Cond., CJCCCC reg or lite,CJ Pattern Pusha,, Giovanni LA Hold Hair Spritz + lots more, sporadically

    HG Method: Super Soaker + Smasters-ing, brief upside down diffusing w/360o diffuser then clips/clamps & air dry. Newly gray - stopped my henna glosses!

    www.fotki.com/auntnett
  • beeduhbeeduh Posts: 684Registered Users
    For the most part, I don't ever recall my parents saying anything negative about my hair. When I was little, my mom would always put my hair in a ponytail because that was the only way she knew how to style my hair. Her hair is super curly, but now she keeps it extremely short. I wish she would let it grow out. In her graduation portrait she had somewhat of a fro. And it looked really good on her. I have another picture when she was like 13 and her hair has a wave to it. It's also big in that picture too. I think she tried to iron it that time. she was told a lot that she had "black people hair". And I was always told the same thing growing up, that my hair was "kinky like black hair".

    I'd like to add that my family is white (I know a lot of us put a certain hair type with a certain color, but it's not always true. :) ).
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    products may vary. i'm a PJ.
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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    My mom loved my curly hair and always took really good care of it when I was younger. She was also trained as a hairdresser so that helps. Oh yeah, she had straight, straight hair herself but knew and appreciated hair in its natural state looked the best.
  • coconillacoconilla Posts: 46Registered Users
    Im mixed to, also with super curly hair. When I was 3yrs old, my sisters started relaxing my hair. My mother took care of my sisters hair when they were growing up so they had nice hair, and they were teens when I was born and were kinda in charge of my hair. They said it was to hard to deal with so they relaxed it. My hair was really messed up, because of relaxing on and off from such a young age.
    Because my hair was in such a bad state, I hated it, I thought that's how my hair just was and I thought if I carry on relaxing its the only way to get my hair at least a little acceptable.
    I'm early 20s now and I went natural a few years back, its 1 of the best decisions Ive made.

    I know it sounds dumb, but I honestly found that once I learned to love my hair, it started to love me back. I give my hair what it needs by taking care of it and it in return gives me what I need which is just something semi decent I can call hair lol

    ETA: my sisters have never relaxed their hair, so I have no idea why they did mine. I think my hair is ruined for life now because I was too young.
    Anyway, once your hair starts getting health, it will look AMAZING, every single curl type looks good and receives compliments, so your mum will realise soon.

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