CurlTalk

READY TO GIVE UP: Transitioning

ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
I have been transitioning since May, and I'm lost! To make it worse, my family is not supportive of my decision to go natural. It often comes to the point of them discouraging me. I am the only girl, and former tom boy, so I'm not familiar with my hair and how to read it. With relaxers, I always stayed in the shop and never really had to do my hair. I am also in grad school, and I find myself not having time to do the protective styles that my hair needs. I have very thick hair, which I am assuming is 4a. So, I liked the idea of being able to get up, unwrap my hair and go, when it was relaxed. Now I am considering having it straightened permanently. But, from my understanding, that would ruin my curl pattern (if I have one) and I couldn't go back to other natural styles. Although, it's been seven months, I'm not ready for the BC. At my current rate of growth, I thought April would be good to clip the last relaxed ends off, but I am now anxious and frustrated with my hair. Idk what to do!!

I also have questions about products. Because I am in school, I won't have money to buy all the natural hair products that I have heard about on the board. I now use Cantu Shea Butter Leave in, pure coconut oil, and pure shea butter. With the shea butter, how to I use that? Is there a way to soften it? What I really need a natural transitioning mentor. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!

Comments

  • hippiedollhippiedoll Posts: 398Registered Users
    I feel your pain! My mother is pro-relaxers. She's not a fan of natural hair even though she had natural hair up until her late 20s. From as long as I can remember my mom has always had straight hair pressed or relaxed. My dad doesn't care either way if it's natural, straight, or permed as long as its healthy. Is your hair damaged? That could be used to your advantage in letting your family understand why you are transitioning. Show your family pictures of women with beautiful natural hair. Explain your reasons why you want your hair in its natural state. Just remain strong and stand your ground for what you want. Educate you family on what it means to be natural and how your hair and health can benefit from it. Surround yourself with positive influences like the naturally curly website and youtube. You will reach your goal. Don't worry a out anyone else's opinion. I hope this helps.
    Products I'm currently :love10::
    • Karen's Body Beautiful Sweet Ambrosia (Vanilla Latte scent)
    • Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Style Milk
    • Certified Organic Coconut Oil
    • Karen's Body Beautiful Heavenly Jojoba Oil
    Staple Deep Conditioners: Giovanni Direct Leave-in and Karen's Body Beautiful Luscious Locks Hair Mask :love5:
    Recent newbie to the Curly Girl Method
    6 months post relaxer. I will be 7 months post September 17 !! :occasion9:
  • hippiedollhippiedoll Posts: 398Registered Users
    You can't go wrong with Target in finding natural hair products. You can also whip shea butter or melt it to your desire. There's tons of YouTube videos on that. YouTube is a great place to learn new styling techniques as well.
    Products I'm currently :love10::
    • Karen's Body Beautiful Sweet Ambrosia (Vanilla Latte scent)
    • Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Style Milk
    • Certified Organic Coconut Oil
    • Karen's Body Beautiful Heavenly Jojoba Oil
    Staple Deep Conditioners: Giovanni Direct Leave-in and Karen's Body Beautiful Luscious Locks Hair Mask :love5:
    Recent newbie to the Curly Girl Method
    6 months post relaxer. I will be 7 months post September 17 !! :occasion9:
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Thank you so much. To answer your question, I am genetically blessed with thick, beautiful hair. People have always said that about my hair when it was relaxed, and they don't say it as much anymore. Now, my hair is still thick, now it's just damaged and tangled because I have problems maintaining it. And I'll definitely check Target out in the near future.
  • AmazinnaturalAmazinnatural Posts: 755Registered Users
    Welcome to NC! Transitioning is difficult for everybody, but you have to remain strong and be very patient with your hair. Don't feed into the negativity that others are saying, you know the reason why you are going natural so that's all that matters. As far as taking care of your hair and styling your hair, I would definitely check out youtube vloggers there's a plethora of information, tutorials, and product reviews. I wont recommend products to use because what works for my hair may not work for yours. But with trying to find the right products its trail and error, I hope this helps, good luck!

    Sent from my DROID3 using CurlTalk App



    event.png


    Still loving my curls and kinks!
    Products I love:
    Ion Dandruff/Seborrheic Dermatitis Tar Shampoo
    Suave Shea Butter Conditioner
    Biolage Scalp Therapy Shampoo
    Biolage Fortify Therapy Shampoo
    Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Conditioner
    Beautiful Textures Rapid Repair Deep Conditioner
    Shea butter, olive oil, coconut oil, apricot oil, peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and eucalyptus oil
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Welcome to NC! Transitioning is difficult for everybody, but you have to remain strong and be very patient with your hair. Don't feed into the negativity that others are saying, you know the reason why you are going natural so that's all that matters. As far as taking care of your hair and styling your hair, I would definitely check out youtube vloggers there's a plethora of information, tutorials, and product reviews. I wont recommend products to use because what works for my hair may not work for yours. But with trying to find the right products its trail and error, I hope this helps, good luck!

    Sent from my DROID3 using CurlTalk App

    Thank you! The encouragement really helps me remember why I started this. :)
  • AmazinnaturalAmazinnatural Posts: 755Registered Users
    @ahmalone you're welcome, have a great journey and keep us posted.

    Sent from my DROID3 using CurlTalk App



    event.png


    Still loving my curls and kinks!
    Products I love:
    Ion Dandruff/Seborrheic Dermatitis Tar Shampoo
    Suave Shea Butter Conditioner
    Biolage Scalp Therapy Shampoo
    Biolage Fortify Therapy Shampoo
    Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Conditioner
    Beautiful Textures Rapid Repair Deep Conditioner
    Shea butter, olive oil, coconut oil, apricot oil, peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and eucalyptus oil
  • naturalnewbnaturalnewb Posts: 193Registered Users
    There are plenty of natural hair gurus around here who would be happy to give you helpful feedback. So you've come to the right place :)

    You might want to try posting what your current regimen (do you shampoo? how often? how often do you condition/deep condition? do you seal your hair?) And then follow up with your specific hair issues (dryness, breakage, sore scalp, tangles?).

    And I understand the plight of the broke college student so let me reassure you that you absolutely do not have to spend a lot of money on $$$ hair products. If you find a brand that you are interested in, do a search to get some idea of how people feel about certain products within that line. I can't say that I follow the advice of any particular individual on the site, but doing a little homework on product selection has been extremely helpful (and cost efficient!) for me.
  • RonnieajRonnieaj Posts: 304Registered Users
    I don't have much to add, but I wanted to come in and say "Don't Give Up. Don't Ever Give Up." (Jimmy Valvano and the Cancer Foundation would probably stone me for using their phrase that way, but whatevs....)

    The ladies here have given you great advice. Personally, I like Shea Moisture, Kinky Curly, Aubrey Organics conditioners, and Jane Carter--though the price point is higher on her products. All of these can be found at Target or, in my area, Vitamin Shoppe or Whole Foods. Jane Carter is the only one with a price point over $20 that I've seen.

    I would also suggest, if you're not ready to chop, that Aubrey Organics GPB conditioner might be particularly good for you. It's a protein and moisture combination, which will help with your line of demarcation and relaxed ends. I swear by the White Camellia for pure moisture, but Honeysuckle Rose is VERY popular (too thick for my personal tastes, and I hate the smell of roses).

    Good luck with your hair, and with grad school!
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    There are plenty of natural hair gurus around here who would be happy to give you helpful feedback. So you've come to the right place :)

    You might want to try posting what your current regimen (do you shampoo? how often? how often do you condition/deep condition? do you seal your hair?) And then follow up with your specific hair issues (dryness, breakage, sore scalp, tangles?).

    And I understand the plight of the broke college student so let me reassure you that you absolutely do not have to spend a lot of money on $$$ hair products. If you find a brand that you are interested in, do a search to get some idea of how people feel about certain products within that line. I can't say that I follow the advice of any particular individual on the site, but doing a little homework on product selection has been extremely helpful (and cost efficient!) for me.
    Ok thank you for all this. Here is my pseudo regimen:

    I wash every 5-7 days w/ Matrix Biolage hydrating shampoo and deep conditioner. Having to wash so often is probably why my hair is so dry, but my dandruffs are so agressive! Just recently, I bought pure shea butter and virgin coconut oil. I use coconut oil every time i style my hair, and shea butter on my edges and ends. I also use Cantu shea butter leave in before i style too.
    The only thing i know about my hair is that its dry, my dandruffs are out of control and it tangles whenever it gets the chance. I also have to re twist every night because my hair gets matted (even with a silk cap) if i don't style it at night.
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Ronnieaj wrote: »
    I don't have much to add, but I wanted to come in and say "Don't Give Up. Don't Ever Give Up." (Jimmy Valvano and the Cancer Foundation would probably stone me for using their phrase that way, but whatevs....)

    The ladies here have given you great advice. Personally, I like Shea Moisture, Kinky Curly, Aubrey Organics conditioners, and Jane Carter--though the price point is higher on her products. All of these can be found at Target or, in my area, Vitamin Shoppe or Whole Foods. Jane Carter is the only one with a price point over $20 that I've seen.

    I would also suggest, if you're not ready to chop, that Aubrey Organics GPB conditioner might be particularly good for you. It's a protein and moisture combination, which will help with your line of demarcation and relaxed ends. I swear by the White Camellia for pure moisture, but Honeysuckle Rose is VERY popular (too thick for my personal tastes, and I hate the smell of roses).

    Good luck with your hair, and with grad school!

    First, thank you for your encouragement and well wishes. I am very grateful you took the time out to advise me. I am writing down these products and going to Target today!! Thanks!
  • MissnadzyMissnadzy Posts: 1Registered Users
    Hi,

    Sorry I don't have too much to add but I wish you the best of luck and know first hand how hard the first few months to a year can be especially with your family. I found my biggest supporters were my friends rather than my immediate family.
    I'm still struggling with finding the best products that work for my hair, but Avocado Oil has been working when it comes to moisture, shine and overall health of my hair. I would highly recommend it! And it's cheap.. :)
  • naturalgirl85naturalgirl85 Posts: 53Registered Users
    I know what you mean on the tangling. If I don't do a braidout or bantu-knot out to style my hair then it tangles. I can't just where the relaxed ends out and straight. That makes it where I only detangle once a week when I wash my hair. Try using the coconut oil after you apply your leave-in and use the shea butter on all of your hair especially the ends. But check oout you-tube for sure. That is what has helped me the last 7 months through my transition. Good luck with your hair journey.
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Missnadzy wrote: »
    Hi,

    Sorry I don't have too much to add but I wish you the best of luck and know first hand how hard the first few months to a year can be especially with your family. I found my biggest supporters were my friends rather than my immediate family.
    I'm still struggling with finding the best products that work for my hair, but Avocado Oil has been working when it comes to moisture, shine and overall health of my hair. I would highly recommend it! And it's cheap.. :)
    I'll definitely look into the avocado oil. Thank you!
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    I know what you mean on the tangling. If I don't do a braidout or bantu-knot out to style my hair then it tangles. I can't just where the relaxed ends out and straight. That makes it where I only detangle once a week when I wash my hair. Try using the coconut oil after you apply your leave-in and use the shea butter on all of your hair especially the ends. But check oout you-tube for sure. That is what has helped me the last 7 months through my transition. Good luck with your hair journey.

    It's been 7 months for me too. Thank you and I'll check out the you tube videos.
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Guys, I have been researching some ideas to help me transition without further damaging my hair. And I think I am going to do Senegalese twists. With my internship, jobS and class, I needed something easier than styling my hair every night. I am going to take every necessary precaution to ensure the braids don't damage or break my hair. Any feedback or advice on this idea??? IM ALL EARS!!!
  • Gabikay51Gabikay51 Posts: 11Registered Users
    Yes! Get some twists. I'll be 7 months post tomorrow nd I just put some kinky twists in. I'm sure you'll enjoy the twists. Just make sure to take care of your hair while in the twists. I think since your so busy it's a wonderful option. Good luck! =]


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk
    <3**Gabikay51**<3
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Gabikay51 wrote: »
    Yes! Get some twists. I'll be 7 months post tomorrow nd I just put some kinky twists in. I'm sure you'll enjoy the twists. Just make sure to take care of your hair while in the twists. I think since your so busy it's a wonderful option. Good luck! =]


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk
    <3**Gabikay51**<3

    Thank you! I'm really indecisive, but the more I ponder it, the more excited I get.
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Also, what do you guys think about shampooing with regular shampoo while I have the twists in verus, using natural hair products??? I'm full of questions, so don't mind me.

    AGAIN, I APPRECIATE ALL THE FEEDBACK!!! YOU GUYS ARE HELPING ME MORE THAN YOU KNOW.
  • britney.britney. Posts: 292Registered Users
    ahmalone wrote: »
    Also, what do you guys think about shampooing with regular shampoo while I have the twists in verus, using natural hair products??? I'm full of questions, so don't mind me.

    AGAIN, I APPRECIATE ALL THE FEEDBACK!!! YOU GUYS ARE HELPING ME MORE THAN YOU KNOW.
    I suggest using a natural sulfate free shampoo if you want to shampoo. It's much better for your hair. Aubrey Organics and Giovanni has sulfate free shampoos, and you can find some other brands with sulfate free shampoos by looking at the ingredients. Your hair will be less dry as well if you use a natural sulfate free shampoo. Also, you mentioned having a dandruff problem.. you should try using a tea tree shampoo since that's supposed to help with dandruff. Giovanni has a tea tree shampoo called "Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat" that you can get from Target and it works well. You should check out the "Shea Moisture" line at Target as well which is affordable and natural.
    2c/3a some 3b/Thick/Fine texture?/High Porosity
    Currently trying out the CG method again as of 1/3/12!

    Current Routine:
    Co-wash/RO: Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle
    Low poo: Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat (when needed)
    Products: LA Looks Sports Gel and Curly Kinks Coil Jam



  • curlyevcurlyev Posts: 246Registered Users
    Natural hair is beautiful. Like when I see friends with straight hair get perms, it never looks as good as natural curlies! We were made for curly hair, not that a relaxer isn't okay if it's what someone wants, but I love curly hair! If straight hair is prettier then why does everyone try to go curly! lol. I flat ironed my hair once years ago, and I looked AWFUL!!!!
    -3A, fine, very thick, normal por., normal elast., long, dye- free (CG since Nov. '11)
    -Low poo (As needed): CVS Argan Oil Renewing Shampoo
    -RO: GVP The Detangler
    -Styling: LALSG
    -PT: ION Effective Care (seldom)
    *I have learned that sometimes less is more when it comes to my hair*
    :love6:



  • naturalnewbnaturalnewb Posts: 193Registered Users
    I think kinky twists could be a great idea. It's a protective style which is always great during the cold winter months when the air can dry out your locks. Just be sure that they aren't put in too tightly and be sure to moisturize regularly. There should be TONS of info about maintenance of protective styles like braids or twists on this site.

    You can start with these:
    What Are Protective Hairstyles?

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/4a/107859-twist-maintenance-really-dry-hair.html

    I would agree with britney about trying a sulfate-free shampoo. At the very least, if you're having dandruff problems from your current shampoo/conditioner combo, then you probably need to switch brands. I haven't tried the giovanni tea tree 'poo, but tea tree oil is supposed to be great for dandruff problems so it should be helpful.
  • AmazinnaturalAmazinnatural Posts: 755Registered Users
    I wore Senegalese twist for like 2 mnths, (I did them myself), I liked them, its definitely easy maintenance. If you want to do them yourself try youtube, if not go to any well recommended african shop in your area or natural hair shop. Make sure you inform them that you don't want your hair to be very tight.

    Sent from my DROID3 using CurlTalk App



    event.png


    Still loving my curls and kinks!
    Products I love:
    Ion Dandruff/Seborrheic Dermatitis Tar Shampoo
    Suave Shea Butter Conditioner
    Biolage Scalp Therapy Shampoo
    Biolage Fortify Therapy Shampoo
    Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Conditioner
    Beautiful Textures Rapid Repair Deep Conditioner
    Shea butter, olive oil, coconut oil, apricot oil, peppermint oil, tea tree oil, and eucalyptus oil
  • longmanehairlongmanehair Posts: 21Registered Users
    Keep Pushing! Don't you DARE give up. There are TOO many women who have gone through this,including me. Go to the transitioner support thread and read through.

    As far as the shea butter goes. I use raw shea butter that comes in yellow clumps. I buy it from the hair store. In order to make it more usable, I melt it on the stove and then mix it with olive oil. You must mix it for about five minutes minimum, but it will help it become a little smoother.

    Good luck!
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Thanks for the help guys. I'm getting my twists done (or started) tomorrow so I'll post pics if I can.
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Anybody feel like diagnosing my hair type? I think its like a 4a and 4b in back. Should I do it with wet or dry hair? These pics are my hair post wash, with conditioner still in... Just let me know what you think. :)
  • RonnieajRonnieaj Posts: 304Registered Users
    You're probably in the 4 range, but you won't really know until you cut it. The weight of the relaxed hair is going to weigh the natural curl pattern (or lack thereof) down.

    As to whether to do your twists on wet or dry hair, I have no clue, as I've never had them, but hopefully someone else can assist. I hope you like them! :blob8:
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Ronnieaj wrote: »
    You're probably in the 4 range, but you won't really know until you cut it. The weight of the relaxed hair is going to weigh the natural curl pattern (or lack thereof) down.

    As to whether to do your twists on wet or dry hair, I have no clue, as I've never had them, but hopefully someone else can assist. I hope you like them! :blob8:
    Yea I think some is 4a and the back is 4b ish. lol the jumping green smiley is too funny though!! lmbo Thanks
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    As promised, I have pics of my Senegalese twists. I LOOOVEEE THEM! I already want to get them re done for the summer. The plan is to take them out in March, let my hair breath then re do them in May. I feel if it goes well, this can ease my transition...
  • RonnieajRonnieaj Posts: 304Registered Users
    Yay! I'm glad you like them. Sometimes the very best thing to do for our hair is to leave it the heck alone. Just be sure to keep up on your deep conditioning in the interim.

    And, just cuz you liked it so much, here's ANOTHER green blob for you! :blob:
  • ahmaloneahmalone Posts: 27Registered Users
    Ronnieaj wrote: »
    Yay! I'm glad you like them. Sometimes the very best thing to do for our hair is to leave it the heck alone. Just be sure to keep up on your deep conditioning in the interim.

    And, just cuz you liked it so much, here's ANOTHER green blob for you! :blob:

    Love the green blob!!! lol and when you say interim, you mean in between senegalese twists? or while i have them? I am taking any tips on caring for my hair while i have them