When you hate your SOs best friend.

09robiha09robiha Posts: 683Registered Users
So...me and my partner have been together nearly a year..or at least it will be in a month. Everything is wonderful..except I absolutely cannot stand her best friend. Even her name gets me all riled up. She's just so..clingy and possessive as a friend and tries to rub it in my face constant ly that she is her best friend etc and I'm 'just a girlfriend'. She's constantly *****ing or winging on Facebook and has a lot of behaviour that I think just makes her someone that I don't wanna hang out with (she's gets around, leads one of her guy mates on all time, is very *****y about me and has generally been nasty to me behind close doors. No one else seems to see this and it's like the only person that can see past can see past 'fake in a little blonde girl I'm gonna wear hardly any clothes and shove my boobs in your face' act.

Is there anything I can or should do or is this a case of grin and bear it and avoid her as much as possible?
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Comments

  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    I'd have a talk with your partner, and tell her that you don't think you and the friend are as close as you'd like to be, and you'd like to get to know her better, and for her to get to know you better. And also that you and your partner need your alone time as well.

    If you want the relationship to work, you have to get on better terms with the friend. Clearly your partner doesn't think this girl is awful. Maybe she's just rude to you, or maybe you've misjudged her.

    Put the past in the past, and try to start fresh. The only think you can control is YOUR attitude, so that's where you should focus. You clearly don't like her. Unless you're willing to give her another chance, or your partner is willing to ditch her, the ball is all in your court to deal with your attitude.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I'd have a talk with your partner, and tell her that you don't think you and the friend are as close as you'd like to be, and you'd like to get to know her better, and for her to get to know you better. And also that you and your partner need your alone time as well.

    If you want the relationship to work, you have to get on better terms with the friend. Clearly your partner doesn't think this girl is awful. Maybe she's just rude to you, or maybe you've misjudged her.

    Put the past in the past, and try to start fresh. The only think you can control is YOUR attitude, so that's where you should focus. You clearly don't like her. Unless you're willing to give her another chance, or your partner is willing to ditch her, the ball is all in your court to deal with your attitude.

    True but what does that have to do with the friend's attitude? I'm assuming her attitude will remain the same unless the OP is leaving out some information.

    Have you told your partner that she's been nasty to you behind closed doors?
  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think situations like these are tough. When I was married, my husband's best friend was an overly critical jerk, not just toward me, but toward everyone. Lots of anger issues. His then-girlfriend (now wife) was very much the same, and I hated being in their company.

    It was definitely a sore point for a while, but in time, my distance from them led to my husband's distance as well. I wish it could have been resolved a different way, but when I tried to do so directly (with my husband's awareness), I received a big snark sandwich in response.

    Each situation is different. Do you think your SO will be open to hearing constructive criticism of her friend? Would her intervention help? Why is this friend so possessive? Doesn't she want her dear friend to be happy with a partner? The way you've described her, she sounds selfish enough to answer "no."
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Who Me? wrote: »
    I'd have a talk with your partner, and tell her that you don't think you and the friend are as close as you'd like to be, and you'd like to get to know her better, and for her to get to know you better. And also that you and your partner need your alone time as well.

    If you want the relationship to work, you have to get on better terms with the friend. Clearly your partner doesn't think this girl is awful. Maybe she's just rude to you, or maybe you've misjudged her.

    Put the past in the past, and try to start fresh. The only think you can control is YOUR attitude, so that's where you should focus. You clearly don't like her. Unless you're willing to give her another chance, or your partner is willing to ditch her, the ball is all in your court to deal with your attitude.

    True but what does that have to do with the friend's attitude? I'm assuming her attitude will remain the same unless the OP is leaving out some information.

    Have you told your partner that she's been nasty to you behind closed doors?

    I was assuming that if you change your attitude, eventually something will change with the friend's attitude as well. Often I think people don't realize how they come across to others, so by making an effort on your part, it will either rub off on her, or your partner will start to see things more clearly.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    It sounds like she may feel threatened by you and worries that you're going to take her friend away from her. Maybe she hasn't truly come to terms with the fact that yur partner is gay. Maybe she wants her for herself but can't admit it to herself or your partner. Maybe you just did something that rubbed her the wrong way. with only one side of the story it's impossible for me to say for sure. If she is important to your partner you may just have to find a way to get along or be civil and not let her rile you up, at the very least. SO issues with partner's best friends can cause a whole lot of problems in a relationship. You have my sympathies.

    As for the other behavior of hers you mentioned, I can be of little help. I don't think it's anyone else's business who or how many people a woman sleeps with and I intensely dislike it when it's judged a character trait by others.
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

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  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    Not that this is much in the way of advice, but I like to look at WHY they are behaving a certain way, not the behavior itself. For me, it gets to the root of the problem so that I can either address it or mentally accept it.

    It sounds like she is jealous of the time you are spending with your SO. Is there any way to get her to understand that just because your SO is with you, that doens't mean she's loosing her?

    Just my 2 cents
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I guess I am not seeing anything that is so bad, other than you just aren't the same type of people and just don't like her, which you are entitled to think. You don't say that she's actively done anything to you or that there have been any problems with your partner because of her. I don't think you're obligated to hang out with her often just because she is your partner's friend. I'd keep my distance as much as I can, let them hang out separately, and see her in a group setting if possible to limit contact. They might have a history and background going back way before you that is part of their own life and not necessarily part of yours and so be it. If she is actively disrespectful of your relationship, jealous, trying to hook up with your partner etc. then that would be different, but it doesn't seem that way from what you've said here.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    scrills wrote: »
    Not that this is much in the way of advice, but I like to look at WHY they are behaving a certain way, not the behavior itself. For me, it gets to the root of the problem so that I can either address it or mentally accept it.

    It sounds like she is jealous of the time you are spending with your SO. Is there any way to get her to understand that just because your SO is with you, that doens't mean she's loosing her?

    Just my 2 cents

    ITA. Good points.

    Now don't take this the wrong way, but haven't you posted in the past about still being in love with your Ex-GF ... more or less?

    Maybe your SO's bestie knows this, or has picked up on the fact that your heart still belongs to another? And she is being "protective" of her friend?

    Just a thought. Or she may just be an out-and-out witch!?? In which case, I'd just kill her with kindness and let her dig her own grave.

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