What do you think of this kind of relationship? Workable? Fulfilling?

AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
Two grown adults, male and female, both Black, in their early (male) and late (female) 30s, dating for 3 years, and potentially several more into the future.

Both live at home with their parents.

The male has been sexually active in the past and was somewhat of a playboy before and has a child from a former relationship. He is now a religious Pentecostal and has not been sexually active in this relationship. He is not sure he wants more kids. He has a very low-paying job and is kind of a mama's boy.

The female has never been sexually active before and has almost no dating experience. She is a religious Catholic and desperately wants marriage and kids and has already had some reproductive health challenges. She has a very good professional job and is kind of a mama's girl. Her mama specifically tells her she shouldn't have sex with him and doesn't let them go in rooms alone, etc.

Do you agree with the opinion that the man either must be getting sex on the side or will be pressuring her into it very soon if not already? Do you see this as a relationship worth pursuing that could lead to marriage? What would you tell the woman if she were your friend? What would you tell the man if he were your friend?
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Comments

  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    First, I believe he is probably not getting any on the side. Men aren't animals and I've known a few guys who went a little buck wild in their 20s and then settled down. It's possible.

    I think their biggest issues will be, in order, their both being very very attached to their own parents, their faiths, and then starting a family (or not). Her mom is way up in her business considering she's an adult. That's not going to magically stop just because they get married.

    IMO, it would be a very very difficult situation.
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,754Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    It sounds ridiculously unfulfilling to me. Not the no-sex part. But they BOTH live with their parents? I wouldnt sleep with the mama's boy either. Sounds like they both need to grow up. I dont agree dude is getting some on the side.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    I think if he was going to pressure her to have sex, he would have done so 2+ years ago. I don't necessarily think he's getting some on the side. It's possible that it's been so long that he's used to it.

    It doesn't sound fulfilling to me. I think between religion and whether to have kids or not, the relationship is doomed. I'd probably get the friend talking about what she thinks of the relationship so she starts to figure out on her own how unfulfilled she is.
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  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Just because he was once a player and then got saved dosen't necessarily mean he's slipped back into his old ways. As far as him being a mama's boy-a number of people think that men like that are ideal as they will supposedly treat their partner with respect, but not all mama's boys are created equal. Some of them pit their mother against their partner, with the partner losing out. And some will attend to their mother's every need and neglect their partner.

    As for the woman, her mother sounds like a control freak and the woman doesn't sound like she's willing or able to stand up to her. That alone could cause issues in the relationship. Is this relationship workable? In the long run, probably not, but I'm not part of the couple.
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  • Jenny CJenny C Posts: 1,195Registered Users
    I don't think this guy is getting any on the side because abstaining was a decision he made for himself before meeting this woman, so it's not like he's being forced into it because she doesn't want to be sexually active.

    There a few issues which make me think the relationship won't work. First is that they may not be in agreement on whether or not to have children. That's a big one, and there isn't really a middle ground. Second is that they both still live with their parents, and neither of them want to change that. While I realize that it's normal in some cultures to live at home until marriage, at some point - like by your mid 30's you just need to grow up already and be a self sufficient adult. Also why is her mother telling her she can't be alone with him? She's almost 40, not a teenager!

    My other concern is why they are not married already. Three years a long time to date at their ages, especially if she wants to have kids. What are they waiting for? Sounds like it's going nowhere fast. By now they should know if they want to get married or not, so my guess is that they both realize at some level that it wont' work. Maybe they're both just too immature.

    Nothing about this relationship would work for me.
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  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    Do you agree with the opinion that the man either must be getting sex on the side or will be pressuring her into it very soon if not already? Do you see this as a relationship worth pursuing that could lead to marriage? What would you tell the woman if she were your friend? What would you tell the man if he were your friend?

    she's older and desperately wants children, and he's younger and not sure he wants anymore. that on its own is enough of a deal-breaker for me.

    they are both well into their 30s and should be seasoned adults, but both still live with domineering mothers. neither sounds very mature and certainly not independent-minded ... red flag. and especially from the woman's perspective, getting out from under mom and standing on her own should be the priority, not getting married and popping out babies with a man who clearly doesn't know what he wants.

    unless someone can prove otherwise, just because he was once very sexually active doesn't mean he hasn't been steadfast in celibacy for the last 3 years or that he'll crack soon and be on her to have sex. nor does it mean that because she's a virgin, she won't be pressuring him soon. even close friends don't tell you everything; they let you know what they want you to know about them.

    for me, there are too many major cons. i won't say that they couldn't ever get married and be happy, but i would definitely tell them both that they should work on getting out from under their mothers, become independent, and determine if they have enough common foundations to warrant them getting married.

    i'd tell him that if he knows he doesn't want more kids, he should care enough about her not to waste her time waiting and hoping that he'll come around.

    i'd tell her that she should have enough dignity not to wait around on a man who is unsure about such an important matter when time is not on her side, as she approaches 40.
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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    I think the children thing is an issue and that if she wants them, she needs to start thinking about having them, even if that means finding someone else.
    And yeah, considering she has a well-paying job, I don't get why she still lives at home. It sounds like she's too attached to her mother. And if he's a mama's boy, that's a recipe for disaster.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Jenny C wrote: »
    I don't think this guy is getting any on the side because abstaining was a decision he made for himself before meeting this woman, so it's not like he's being forced into it because she doesn't want to be sexually active.

    There a few issues which make me think the relationship won't work. First is that they may not be in agreement on whether or not to have children. That's a big one, and there isn't really a middle ground. Second is that they both still live with their parents, and neither of them want to change that. While I realize that it's normal in some cultures to live at home until marriage, at some point - like by your mid 30's you just need to grow up already and be a self sufficient adult. Also why is her mother telling her she can't be alone with him? She's almost 40, not a teenager!

    My other concern is why they are not married already. Three years a long time to date at their ages, especially if she wants to have kids. What are they waiting for? Sounds like it's going nowhere fast. By now they should know if they want to get married or not, so my guess is that they both realize at some level that it wont' work. Maybe they're both just too immature.

    Nothing about this relationship would work for me.

    I agree. Between kids and religions I would say it's tough already. I would tell the both of them to talk about what they want and see if they are on the same page.
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It sounds very strange, but I've stopped trying to pretend I know what makes two people love each other and a relationship successful. What seems weird from the outside might make perfect sense from within.


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  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    Jenny C wrote: »
    I don't think this guy is getting any on the side because abstaining was a decision he made for himself before meeting this woman, so it's not like he's being forced into it because she doesn't want to be sexually active.

    There a few issues which make me think the relationship won't work. First is that they may not be in agreement on whether or not to have children. That's a big one, and there isn't really a middle ground. Second is that they both still live with their parents, and neither of them want to change that. While I realize that it's normal in some cultures to live at home until marriage, at some point - like by your mid 30's you just need to grow up already and be a self sufficient adult. Also why is her mother telling her she can't be alone with him? She's almost 40, not a teenager!

    My other concern is why they are not married already. Three years a long time to date at their ages, especially if she wants to have kids. What are they waiting for? Sounds like it's going nowhere fast. By now they should know if they want to get married or not, so my guess is that they both realize at some level that it wont' work. Maybe they're both just too immature.

    Nothing about this relationship would work for me.

    I agree with this entire post, especially the bolded.

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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I've been mostly staying out of this one, but I am concerned that the woman has hopes and expectations of marriage and kids that may not be fulfilled, and I am wondering if I should gently and lovingly suggest that a lot of time has been passing and action needs to be taken one way or another. There are all the other issues, of course, but I don't know if I want to go there.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    They both sound really screwed up emotionally. Moving the relationship forward isn't likely to fix them. I think it's extremely emotionally unhealthy to live as a child, with your parents, without sex, in your 30's. You have to ask which came first, the repression or the emotional problems...because emotionally healthy adults don't get themselves into that position.

    As for advice, I'd avise the woman to get the heck out of her mother's house and live on her own before getting herself tied down with an underemployed emotionally stunted husband who doesn't want kids. If she wants to make a family, it's probably not going to happen with that guy.
  • fraufrau Posts: 6,130Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    3 years???
    hell to the naw!!
    she's needs to leave him.
    and he hasn't asked her to marry him?
    noooo, that is not normal y'all!

    my daughter and her boyfriend have been dating for 8 months.
    they aren't sexually active.
    they are both religious and have decided to wait until marriage to have sex with one another.
    you know what i told her, "if marriage doesn't come up before year 2 of dating then move on. a lot of men use the church to hide their homosexuality. i'm not saying he's gay, but these are crucial years, do not waste them. if all he wants to do is hold hands and never shows any sexual attraction to you.....that is not normal."

    and amneris your friend is barking up the wrong tree for multiple reasons: he doesn't want children. she needs to keep it movin. plus his financial situation is sketchy. smh :sad3:
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote: »
    I've been mostly staying out of this one, but I am concerned that the woman has hopes and expectations of marriage and kids that may not be fulfilled, and I am wondering if I should gently and lovingly suggest that a lot of time has been passing and action needs to be taken one way or another. There are all the other issues, of course, but I don't know if I want to go there.

    If she has not asked, no. Even if she has asked, probably not.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    They both sound really screwed up emotionally. Moving the relationship forward isn't likely to fix them. I think it's extremely emotionally unhealthy to live as a child, with your parents, without sex, in your 30's. You have to ask which came first, the repression or the emotional problems...because emotionally healthy adults don't get themselves into that position.

    As for advice, I'd avise the woman to get the heck out of her mother's house and live on her own before getting herself tied down with an underemployed emotionally stunted husband who doesn't want kids. If she wants to make a family, it's probably not going to happen with that guy.

    On her side, the underlying issue is a very controlling and opinionated mother. On his, I think there are issues related to his father abandoning the family when he was very young and his mother treating him as the male head of the household from that time on.

    I think she does have plans to buy a house and move out in the near future, and she did live away from home when she attended grad school, but then came right back. I agree that moving out definitely needs to be her priority - but her parents are against it and don't see why she wants to leave their house when she could stay there and save money and she is afraid of hurting their feelings. Cultural issues in part, but also control.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    frau wrote: »
    3 years???
    hell to the naw!!
    she's needs to leave him.
    and he hasn't asked her to marry him?
    noooo, that is not normal y'all!

    my daughter and her boyfriend have been dating for 8 months.
    they aren't sexually active.
    they are both religious and have decided to wait until marriage to have sex with one another.
    you know what i told her, "if marriage doesn't come up before year 2 of dating then move on. a lot of men use the church to hide their homosexuality. i'm not saying he's gay, but these are crucial years, do not waste them. if all he wants to do is hold hands and never shows any sexual attraction to you.....that is not normal."

    and amneris your friend is barking up the wrong tree for multiple reasons: he doesn't want children. she needs to keep it movin. plus his financial situation is sketchy. smh :sad3:

    Your daughter is still pretty young, though isn't she? And didn't this relationship start in college? In those circumstances, a celibate relationship for 2 or 3 years seems OK to me. I do agree that very long-term celibate relationships are not the norm for independent adults. Most couples I know who abstained for religious reasons got married fairly soon after dating - within a year or two for the most part - and usually when they were still in their 20s.

    My husband and I abstained until marriage, but we only dated for just over 2 years total before marriage, part of which was long-distance, and I was only in my mid-20s, (he was a few years older) and neither of us had had sex, and it certainly wasn't easy or natural all the time. While I agree that it isn't automatic that this guy is getting sex on the side, speaking for myself, having now had and enjoyed sex, I don't see myself at my age now being in a relationship and going without it for 3, 4, 5 years with no prospect of an opportunity to have it in the near future. While she has always been abstaining and doesn't yet know what she's missing, I would have expected him to be pushing the relationship forward more because he does know, and it seems strange that he isn't since his sexuality isn't in question.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • mintheminthe Banned Posts: 209Banned Users
    I wouldn't want to be with a guy who lives with his parents. I know it's a double standard. It's more acceptable for women to live with their parents than men, but I'm ok with this one because most double standards act against women. I understand that a lot of people are having economic troubles but men even in the lower income classes have more opportunities to make larger salaries than women. I see a ton of job openings that require mild lifting, but lifting that as a small woman I could not do. They pay much more than a secretary or receptionist. So, I as someone in her lower 30's looking for a mate look more critically at a man my age living with his parents than I expect a man would look at a woman of the same age living with her parents.

    I don't know why the woman in your scenario is living with her parents. If she has the income, it would be my suggestion to her to live alone or at least go for someone who is living alone so she can get some independence.

    I wouldn't suggest she stay with this guy. Neither of these people should be having kids until they take on more responsibility. I wish people would stop seeing kids as a given especially with it being a terrible economic climate. I understand the bio clock but people need to be practical and look at economic patterns for the future.
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  • damsel_flydamsel_fly Posts: 457Registered Users
    It seems strange to me that they don't have a plan for their relationship by now.

    For him, this may be a "passing time relationship." He sounds unmotivated to build a life with her.

    I'd guess that for this relationship to succeed, she will be the one doing most of the work.

    I think 2 domineering mamas spells trouble.
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    If I try to get past all their personal issues, all I can say is that I don't think it's wise to stay in a long-term committed relationship where you either 1) don't know where it's going, or 2) don't agree with each other where it's going. She wants marriage and kids. He doesn't seem to (or doesn't know). To me, that means she will never be fulfilled in this relationship, unless he changes his mind. If I was her friend, I would have a talk with her about telling the man what she wants and needs, and if he can't provide it, moving on to find someone who can.

    But I also think that my opinion and thoughts on the subject are moot, because I think their situation is just completely messed up.
    He: At least went out and lived some life, but then seems to have some sort of break down and moved back in with mommy. Maybe he'll snap out of it, maybe he just wants to spend his life being babied--which makes him a total loser. I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a fulfilling relationship with a loser.
    She: Has even bigger problems. Lots of people have crazy and controlling mothers, not many of them are almost-40-year-old virgins still living at home. She lets her mother control her like this. That makes her weak, and really, a loser. And again, I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a fulfilling relationship with a loser. Until she can manage to assert herself in this world, she's never going to be fulfilled in a relationship. And for the record, I think her mother has failed miserably at parenting. She has ruined her daughter's life in what she probably thought was an attempt to protect her. All those "helicopter moms" out there, who are calling their kids colleges because they got a bad grade, and not letting them drive at night when their in their 20's (for examples), should realize that THIS is what they are doing to their children.
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  • fraufrau Posts: 6,130Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Amneris wrote: »
    Your daughter is still pretty young, though isn't she? And didn't this relationship start in college? In those circumstances, a celibate relationship for 2 or 3 years seems OK to me. I do agree that very long-term celibate relationships are not the norm for independent adults. Most couples I know who abstained for religious reasons got married fairly soon after dating - within a year or two for the most part - and usually when they were still in their 20s.

    this is a different guy, same church though.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    Nothing you posted makes me think he's getting some on the side. While I don't think I would choose a sexless relationship for so long (ick! was my first reaction) if some unexpected circumstance came up which caused it, I wouldn't look for sex on the side if that happened in a relationship. In my case it wouldn't be due to religion, but if the guy were injured or had some major illness which affected him, I wouldn't look elsewhere.

    I've had two friends who were engaged and it was obvious the relationships were headed toward disaster. To me this one seems that way from the original description given her strong desire for kids and his lack of desire for kids, if nothing else. I have found you absolutely can NOT tell someone they should end things with another person. As a friend to women in doomed relationships, I found all I could do is tell them to think about the doubts they were having, and figure out if they were scared of locking themselves into a certain future, or if the doubts were specific to the men. One friend married and later left the man, one friend didn't get married. But by supporting them and encouraging them to make their own decisions instead of telling them what I thought they should do, I kept the friendships and was able to be there for them when things went downhill.
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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Oh dear, the whole thing sounds just terrible and extremely sad to me.

    If she were my friend I'd tell her to wake the he** up and get out of Dodge*. Immediately.

    *Dodge being BOTH her parent's house AND the relationship!!
  • CurlyKitty77CurlyKitty77 Posts: 7Registered Users
    She needs to get into therapy, or try a 12 step group for codependence. She should have boundaries with her mother. The man stuff will follow suit.

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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Who Me? wrote: »
    If I try to get past all their personal issues, all I can say is that I don't think it's wise to stay in a long-term committed relationship where you either 1) don't know where it's going, or 2) don't agree with each other where it's going. She wants marriage and kids. He doesn't seem to (or doesn't know). To me, that means she will never be fulfilled in this relationship, unless he changes his mind. If I was her friend, I would have a talk with her about telling the man what she wants and needs, and if he can't provide it, moving on to find someone who can.

    But I also think that my opinion and thoughts on the subject are moot, because I think their situation is just completely messed up.
    He: At least went out and lived some life, but then seems to have some sort of break down and moved back in with mommy. Maybe he'll snap out of it, maybe he just wants to spend his life being babied--which makes him a total loser. I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a fulfilling relationship with a loser.
    She: Has even bigger problems. Lots of people have crazy and controlling mothers, not many of them are almost-40-year-old virgins still living at home. She lets her mother control her like this. That makes her weak, and really, a loser. And again, I don't think it's possible for anyone to have a fulfilling relationship with a loser. Until she can manage to assert herself in this world, she's never going to be fulfilled in a relationship. And for the record, I think her mother has failed miserably at parenting. She has ruined her daughter's life in what she probably thought was an attempt to protect her. All those "helicopter moms" out there, who are calling their kids colleges because they got a bad grade, and not letting them drive at night when their in their 20's (for examples), should realize that THIS is what they are doing to their children.

    This mother wasn't and isn't a "helicopter parent" in that sense, though. She just very strongly believes that people should not have sex before marriage, and takes that belief a step further by actively trying to prevent it - and not just with her immediate family! She bragged that when her good friend's son moved in with his girlfriend that she made a point of not attending their housewarming or any parties she was invited to at their home, not speaking to them OR their parents because the parents allowed it, and when they finally got married and she somehow still managed to get invited, she didn't go because they were "celebrating sin." I don't know anyone else who takes their beliefs about premarital sex to that level. She doesn't get involved like that in her daughter's professional life or her female friendships, just with the boyfriend.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,136Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris - If your friend grew up with the idea of no premarital sex, and her mother is a fanatic about it, why wasn't she married in her 20s or very early 30s? Was she not involved in her church throughout her life? I'd think her mother would have made that a priority. Unless your friend specifically looks for someone from her church who has her same views, she'll have a difficult time finding someone who will intentionally abstain from sex for 6 months or more who is over the age of 25. Also, do you know why she is still in this relationship? It sounds as if she doesn't have high self-esteem.

    I agree with everyone else - this relationship seems doomed, and the two individuals need to seek help for their own issues before seeking out a healthy relationship.
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Amneris - If your friend grew up with the idea of no premarital sex, and her mother is a fanatic about it, why wasn't she married in her 20s or very early 30s? Was she not involved in her church throughout her life? I'd think her mother would have made that a priority. Unless your friend specifically looks for someone from her church who has her same views, she'll have a difficult time finding someone who will intentionally abstain from sex for 6 months or more who is over the age of 25. Also, do you know why she is still in this relationship? It sounds as if she doesn't have high self-esteem.

    I agree with everyone else - this relationship seems doomed, and the two individuals need to seek help for their own issues before seeking out a healthy relationship.

    Well, the guy has intentionally abstained from sex as far as we know for years now, so I don't know about that part. I do know guys over 25 who did so, including my husband. I agree it is not common, but it does exist.

    Yes, she has always been involved in church, and her mother would have liked her to be married earlier and has been pushing it for quite a while, but she just never seemed to meet anyone. The thing is, she is extremely successful at work and also in an extracurricular activity she does and takes very seriously and puts a lot of time in and has competed in at high levels, and she also volunteers and does a ton of stuff, and has lots of friends, and travels a lot for fun and for work and for her extracurricular activity, and I think has just been too busy to have time for a man in her life. I really don't think she's that insecure. I think she finally decided it was time for a man and for some reason settled on this guy and maybe because of her lack of experience doesn't really know how to conduct a relationship or how it should reasonably go. It's very strange.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote: »

    This mother wasn't and isn't a "helicopter parent" in that sense, though. She just very strongly believes that people should not have sex before marriage, and takes that belief a step further by actively trying to prevent it - and not just with her immediate family! She bragged that when her good friend's son moved in with his girlfriend that she made a point of not attending their housewarming or any parties she was invited to at their home, not speaking to them OR their parents because the parents allowed it, and when they finally got married and she somehow still managed to get invited, she didn't go because they were "celebrating sin." I don't know anyone else who takes their beliefs about premarital sex to that level. She doesn't get involved like that in her daughter's professional life or her female friendships, just with the boyfriend.


    That is so f*cked up. No one could come out of that king of parenting emotionally whole. Your friend is probably going to need counseling to help her break free of her bonds, and, even then, if she's already in her late 30's, I kinda doubt she'll ever be able to have a normal healthy sexual relationship, married or not.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote: »

    This mother wasn't and isn't a "helicopter parent" in that sense, though. She just very strongly believes that people should not have sex before marriage, and takes that belief a step further by actively trying to prevent it - and not just with her immediate family! She bragged that when her good friend's son moved in with his girlfriend that she made a point of not attending their housewarming or any parties she was invited to at their home, not speaking to them OR their parents because the parents allowed it, and when they finally got married and she somehow still managed to get invited, she didn't go because they were "celebrating sin." I don't know anyone else who takes their beliefs about premarital sex to that level. She doesn't get involved like that in her daughter's professional life or her female friendships, just with the boyfriend.


    That is so f*cked up. No one could come out of that king of parenting emotionally whole. Your friend is probably going to need counseling to help her break free of her bonds, and, even then, if she's already in her late 30's, I kinda doubt she'll ever be able to have a normal healthy sexual relationship, married or not.

    Yea. I mean I get the whole living with parents and no sex thing, my family's culture is pretty conservative too and they did in fact not let the children attend my cousins wedding since they lived together before marriage and didn't want to 'promote' it. Their excuse for attending the wedding was to support my aunt, not the wedding, whatevs. But....this trying to control your kids this way usually doesn't past 20s or early 20s. It's a bit strange to be under such influence from parents at your friend's age. The muslims and christians I knew that believed in no premarital sex got married quite early, early twenties even late teens. Just because one is religious doesn't mean they are asexual.
  • legendslegends Posts: 3,073Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »

    This mother wasn't and isn't a "helicopter parent" in that sense, though. She just very strongly believes that people should not have sex before marriage, and takes that belief a step further by actively trying to prevent it - and not just with her immediate family! She bragged that when her good friend's son moved in with his girlfriend that she made a point of not attending their housewarming or any parties she was invited to at their home, not speaking to them OR their parents because the parents allowed it, and when they finally got married and she somehow still managed to get invited, she didn't go because they were "celebrating sin." I don't know anyone else who takes their beliefs about premarital sex to that level. She doesn't get involved like that in her daughter's professional life or her female friendships, just with the boyfriend.
    That still qualifies being a "helicopter parent" though, even if it's just in one particular circumstances. And hovering over your child's sexuality is just as damaging as hovering over any other aspect of her life. The ability to have a healthy sexuality is as important is anything else, and being successful in other areas of life doesn't make up for the lack. The mother is awful.
    Eres o te haces?
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,727Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    I don't know if it's doable for THEM, but it certainly wouldn't be doable for ME. I would never get past "in his 30's living at home and a mama's boy". And if I was a guy, the red flags would be similar about her.
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
    --My CG and grey hair progress -  
    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html   
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey - 
    https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/color/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it

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