Last minute guests!! I hate it!

wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
But my DH doesn't seem to agree. He seems to think it's perfectly OK to just invite his family or his friends over & not give me any F**N notice. Sorry but I have to vent! What am I supposed to do say NO? I've left the ball in his court F**K this he can deal with his company that he invites I'm not cooking for people or entertaining with less than 24 hr notice. Am I being a freak here???? HE seems to think so! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

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Comments

  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Personally I think you could relax a little, if it's last minute then it doesn't need to be anything to stress about. Grab some beer or wine and order takeout. Enjoy the company.

    If it truly does bother you a lot, then I guess you will have to learn to say no. He should care more if it is something that honestly causes you a ton of stress.


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  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    The problem is that we have a lot of food allergies that makes take out nearly impossible. That means with guests staying for dinner I now have to shop/cook for 7 people or more instead of 3 which really is a lot to handle. Yes you would think he would realize how much stress this causes me. We've already had guests twice in less than a week & I'm Freakin TIRED of cleaning up and cooking.
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
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  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    oh and did I mention? The guests are coming from over a hr away so of course I'm gonna have to feed them. It's not like people just stopping by for a couple hrs. they will be here for the whole DAY & I was hoping to get some R&R tomorrow.......GAWD!
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • CheetaraCheetara Posts: 2,182Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.
    Sort of CG sometimes, but not really
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  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't know. I don't think you really have to do anything. It IS unreasonable to expect you to prepare a feast on short notice therefore they get what you have the energy to give them. If your husband doesn't like it then he can either do most of the work or give you more notice next time. If the guests don't like what you prepare then that's too bad for them. I wouldn't expect something huge and fancy on such short notice unless I could give short notice and get something fancy with no complaints from the host.


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  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    Yes you're right no feast is to be expected & YES I just want to go somewhere & escape for the day. They will be asking where I am then what?????

    I'm so freakin tired this was supposed to be a vaca week & entertaining guests is NOT my idea of R&R! I also committed to a sleepover guest for my 9yo son on Fri & now I'm dreading that too. NYE going to a friends house. I JUST finally got done with Xmas clean up around here today & now I have to prepare for more guests? JEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!!! I'd rather go to BED and be SICK so everyone will go away :(
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,231Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    WavySue, can't you ask your husband to share the prep. with you? Does he know how distressed and tired you are? :dontknow:

    Sorry you are having such a lousy week! Doesn't seem fair to me.
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  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Cheetara wrote: »
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.

    Get a pedicure.

    If he's breaking a rule you've established for sudden visits, then it's his problem.
  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    curlypearl wrote: »
    WavySue, can't you ask your husband to share the prep. with you? Does he know how distressed and tired you are? :dontknow:

    Sorry you are having such a lousy week! Doesn't seem fair to me.
    Thanks cp, he always says he's gonna help but I end up alone in the kitchen. The cleanup is always the worst part. He might help a little with food prep then he's nowhere to be found or worse says he's gonna do it then doesn't. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up to a disaster & he thinks nothing of it. I've said to him well if you had cleaned up maybe we'd already had breakfast the next day. At that point he'll start to cook because I'm spent & won't do it. It's a constant fight that never gets resolved.
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    ninja dog wrote: »
    Cheetara wrote: »
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.

    Get a pedicure.

    If he's breaking a rule you've established for sudden visits, then it's his problem.[/QUOTe
    [/QUOTE



    I'm so afraid of looking like an A$$ they will be asking where I am. It's not the company's fault DH won't take my feelings into consideration.
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • wavyblondewavyblonde Posts: 1,637Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'd be mad if my husband knew that impromptu guests stress me out, and kept bringing them over. Especially if he doesn't really help. I think I'd make sure he knows how upset/stressed it makes you and let him know that the next time he does it, you will not be around to help entertain. But that if you and he can agree on a few ground rules and a division of labor, that you'd be fine with him having a few folks over.

    It doesn't sound like he's listening or respecting your wishes.

    Can you suggest that when he wants to have folks over, that they go out to grab a bite first, then come back to the house to chitchat? I do think it's unfair that so often the burden of cooking and cleaning for guests falls on the woman.
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  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    In the short run, I would be friendly and stay for the guests for the most part. But do take some time to "run out for a bit" and go off by yourself. 2 hours or so.

    Do takeout and work around the allergy thing as best you can. Does everyone have allergies? Just cater to those with actual medical needs. Everyone else gets pizza/chinese/whatever.

    I also like this idea, for the situation at hand:
    wavyblonde wrote: »
    Can you suggest that when he wants to have folks over, that they go out to grab a bite first, then come back to the house to chitchat? I do think it's unfair that so often the burden of cooking and cleaning for guests falls on the woman.

    But the most important part is this: when this is over and you feel calm and your husband feels calm, have a sit-down. You might have to arrange a time in advance, when you're both able to bring your best selves to the talk. Then discuss each other's needs and wants openly, really listen to one another and remind each other gently when the other isn't listening. Keep the tones gentle and respectful.

    Work together on an agreement on this issue you both can live with. Be really specific, and write it down. <This part is really important. You should both feel as though your basic needs are being met, but you both will need to compromise, for sure, so be ready for that too. Then commit, together, to honoring your agreement.

    If having a discussion like this fails, I would recommend couples therapy to work on communication.

    GL!
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Maybe you should stop doing such a good job of cleaning up. Lower your standards and let things go a little bit, and I doubt he'll be so quick to invite folks over to see a mess.
  • AmazinnaturalAmazinnatural Posts: 755Registered Users
    I'm sorry that you're going through suck a hard time with you Husband, but maybe you guys should have a discussion and come to an agreement about having sooo many guest back to back. You really should vent and tell your Husband how you feel because this is causing a really big problem in your marriage. Hopefully you can relax, get a massage, and a mani/pedi. Good luck!

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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Maybe you should stop doing such a good job of cleaning up. Lower your standards and let things go a little bit, and I doubt he'll be so quick to invite folks over to see a mess.

    This is exactly what I was thinking. Sounds like you've spoiled him.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    wavysue wrote: »
    The problem is that we have a lot of food allergies that makes take out nearly impossible. That means with guests staying for dinner I now have to shop/cook for 7 people or more instead of 3 which really is a lot to handle. Yes you would think he would realize how much stress this causes me. We've already had guests twice in less than a week & I'm Freakin TIRED of cleaning up and cooking.

    Question: if they're his friends/family and it's his idea and his invitation and he's not checking with you and he knows about the allergy situation, why is HE not shopping, cooking and cleaning? Why are you doing it? If you don't, then he's going to either have to do it, or be embarassed and realize he shouldn't repeat these types of invitation. No one can force you to do it or even be home when they show up.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    wavysue wrote: »
    ninja dog wrote: »
    Cheetara wrote: »
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.

    Get a pedicure.

    If he's breaking a rule you've established for sudden visits, then it's his problem.[/QUOTe
    [/QUOTE

    I'm so afraid of looking like an A$$ they will be asking where I am. It's not the company's fault DH won't take my feelings into consideration.

    Why are you so concerned what they think? If it's short notice, how would they know you didn't have plans all along?
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I would stay and greet them, make them a drink/snack then apologise profusely, but explain that you had made prior arrangements and you really can't get out of it as such short notice. Leave it to your DH to entertain them. Later you really need to get some ground rules sorted. I hate entertaining and my SO knows that and knows better than to spring a situation like yours on me. Works ok for us. I also agree with rcw - take deep breaths and ignore the mess - leave it for him to clean up.
    3b in South Australia.
  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    ninja dog wrote: »
    Cheetara wrote: »
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.

    Get a pedicure.

    If he's breaking a rule you've established for sudden visits, then it's his problem.

    Exactly.

    You seem to have every reason in the book why you HAVE to be a martyr. Well, none of them really hold water. I suggest getting a hobby as well as either counseling or something to learn to communicate in a healthy way. You're clearly unhappy with this treatment, but making up excuses to continue to allow it no matter how angry you're getting. How's he supposed to respect your word if you're not sticking to it? So stick to it, and if he has a problem with that, it's his problem.
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  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    Maybe you should stop doing such a good job of cleaning up. Lower your standards and let things go a little bit, and I doubt he'll be so quick to invite folks over to see a mess.

    lol! Nope messes do not bother him at all, he has told me I need to relax about it many times. I love our mutual friends & family, they are coming a long distance to see us so ignoring them because I'm mad at DH doesn't sit right. They are coming around noon so they'll have breakfast but a lunch/dinner is a given since they'll be here for the day. Making seperate foods for allergy & non allergy folks ends up being more work for me so they just eat what we eat to simplify.

    We agreed on the guests we've had so far, just not the last min ones who are also dear to me. I did tell him he's going to have to deal with the shopping & menu he's agreed :p Thanks for the kind words ladies & all of your concerns means a lot just to vent. It will be ok.
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • kat180kat180 Posts: 6,280Registered Users Curl Novice
    Dude - why are you cooking?

    Let him cook. He's a grown man. Where is it a written rule that you do it?

    Seriously. Just hand it all over to him. If it all goes to hell, so much the better. He won't invite guests around like that again in a hurry.
  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    Everyone's pretty much right that if your husband saddles you with last minute guests, especially when you've been over this with him, then he should have to deal with them.
    Your husband is essentially disrespecting and disregarding your feelings. That isn't something you should put up with.

    About clean-up, I did want to offer the reminder to clean as you go! It makes things easier and causes you to stress out less when you're working in a tidier kitchen.
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  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    my husband and i established this rule when we first got married: it's your responsibility to check your family, and it's my responsibility to check my family.

    i love my in laws to pieces, but i don't do unannounced, drop-in company from anyone, not even my blood relatives. i don't like it when anyone expects me to stop what i'm doing to entertain them for as long as they wish to visit. i'm the type who has to be mentally prepared to have company that requires hosting.

    my cousins had a terrible habit of dropping by without notice. and it was always on my days off from work when i wanted to chill or when i was in between shifts and needed to catch a nap, or when the house wasn't straightened the way i liked for company. once, one of them came by with her new boyfriend. i had just gotten out of the shower and was in my half robe with nothing but panties underneath. i sat in the livingroom, pissed off, but entertaining them in my bath attire. he got an eyeful. she never did that again, ever! and kind of had an attitude about it. i wonder why ... :laughing4:

    if my husband pulled something like that with his relatives (and only with the relatives i like), i would probably visit with them ... but i would definitely leave the food runs/preparation, beverages, and general hosting completely up to him, and toss in a few obligatory stink-eyes when no one was looking. :angry2:
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  • wavysuewavysue Posts: 363Registered Users
    Rainshower great story!! Ok I told DH his fam can grab some pizza & I will make something for us which I would normally do anyway. Problem solved! No extra cooking or fussing no special trip to the store :-)
    2B waves/ fine-med texture/normal porosity( I think?) trying to figure out my protein needs

    AOGPB, SS Caitlins, Garnier Body Boost Condish
    CJ Daily Fix or KC Come Clean
    CJ Curl Fix is true LOVE:compress:
    Love all SS products
    Donna Marie Miragelly & my own FSG
    AG MousseGel
    BRHG
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I don't like a blanket rule of "no last-minute guests ever", personally. Sometimes circumstances involve someone coming in from out of town at short notice or whatever. I've been a last minute guest and host due to unexpected occurrences. If you are a good host when it happens to you, people will reciprocate when you're the guest, at least in my experience. Obviously, this should be fairly rare and you should be as considerate as you can, but it does happen, and if you like the person/people I don't see why it should be an issue in and of itself that they didn't give a month's notice that they were coming.

    I think one problem is that the expectations were/are way too high - I wouldn't expect a home-cooked, customized meal if I dropped in on someone last-minute - I'd suggest we order in and offer to pay - and I wouldn't do one for last minute guests if they dropped in, unless I really wanted to - I'd also suggest ordering in. I also wouldn't expect a spotless house.

    The other problem is that the division of labour is unequal - your husband is inviting people, but not pulling his weight. In our house, it tends to be that the person who invites the company/has more connection to them does more of the work - we both help, but the main host will be the guests' friend/family member.

    I think if those two things are solved, the occasional last-minute guest shouldn't be an issue, especially if you want to see them.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • PartyHairPartyHair Posts: 7,713Registered Users
    Cheetara wrote: »
    Get out of the house and let your husband deal with them. Go to the library, walk around the mall, grab a book and go to Starbucks, etc.

    This. If you have an established house rule about this then just leave and let him deal with it.

    My husband is the same way yours is and we have a fast and firm rule about this that he knows better than to break.


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  • ShrekLoverShrekLover Posts: 2,551Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    wavysue wrote: »
    Rainshower great story!! Ok I told DH his fam can grab some pizza & I will make something for us which I would normally do anyway. Problem solved! No extra cooking or fussing no special trip to the store :-)

    Mayabe I don't understand but how does that work? They are eating pizza at your house while you are eating a home cooked meal? Or do they get pizza outside the house and then come over? Or do they come over and then leave to get pizza while you eat at home?

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