CurlTalk

Mom is ruining daughter's curls

theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
i need some advice from curly parents out there.

My niece(age 8 ) has beautiful 3b curls. Her mom also has curly hair but has pretty much has damaged her hair to the point she keeps it short. she's always ripping on her curls in front of her daughter to point my niece is beginning to not like curls. Her mom has begin to straighten it (with heat and no protection). she brushes her hair dry adn dont even own a comb.

Her mom gets all her hair advice from people who have no clue about curly hair or dont like curly hair so tells her to straigten it. my niece's hair is becoming a fried damaged mess. She's not my child so I can't say, "stop destroying her hair".

How can I save my neice hair with out crossing the line?

Comments

  • InimitableInimitable Posts: 148Registered Users
    this is tough. If you offer help that isnt asked for it can be taken offensively. If you get your neice on the weekends and such, do her hair then and maybe they will both like it and ask for tips. HTH & good luck
    BC'd July 1, 2011:love10:
    Bella is dense, thick, with low porosity

    Sporadic Rants in Blog Form
  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    IKR? i dont want to make her feel like she's destroying her daughter's hair because she a bad mom. She's just not knowlegdable.

    When ever i come in town I do try to take my niece for a couple of days. I'm going to be in town for winter break and will try to give my niece a deep treatment, which i think she really needs. And I'll buy her a widetooth comb.
  • wholelottalovewholelottalove Posts: 168Registered Users
    Maybe just offer some advice politely. For example say you just discovered these AWESOME products and that she has to try them because they are just soo good! Also show her this site ;)


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk. I can spell, my iPhone cannot.
    3a
    medium/thick
    Loves protein and oils

    Low-poo: MopTop gentle shampoo
    Co-wash: CJDF, Jessicurl Aloeba
    RO: Jessicurl Too Shea, MopTop daily conditioner, CJ rehab, CJ strengthening
    LI: ^^^
    DT: Jessicurl WDT, SS Deeply Decadent
    PT: SS protein treatment, Ouidad 12 min
    Oils: argan, sweet almond, jessicurl oil blend
    Stylers: SS firm hold, SS curl enhancing jelly, Kiss My Face Upper Management gel, AG Recoil
  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    I have told her about the website! And i try to tell her about products as well. She always say they are too expensive.

    She stayed at my house once and whined about my satin pillow. I explained to her how its better for curls adn she should get one for her and her daughter. She said she wouldnt want one and dont like my niece would sleep on one either.

    When she brings up hair is when i might mention something. But i want to just scream, "You are destroying her hair!! She's only 8 and her hair is fried and damaged! Just because you hate your hair, your kid shouldnt hate hers!" UGGG!!

    Does anyone have any product recommedations that are not expensive?
  • JLRcurlyJLRcurly Posts: 245Registered Users
    I wished I had someone in my life to guide me with my hair earlier on. I hated my curls until I was in my 20s. Suave coconut conditioner is good, treseme flawless curls is good too both cheap drugstore brands. Getting get a wide tooth comb and showing her how to comb it out wet should be very helpful and easy for her to do herself. Maybe in a few years you can buy her the curly girl book, so she can learn herself how to care for her curls and see pictures of just how beautiful they can be.


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk
    JEN :hello2:3b, currently bored with my hair.
  • neens86neens86 Posts: 34Registered Users
    I completely understand your situation. In my case the girl is only 2.5 years old, she's mixed with 3b/c curls. Most of the time it is matted and frizzy, dry, messy. The mom is Caucasian and probably doesn't know what to do with the hair. The dad wouldn't know what to do with any type of hair on a girl lol. I've detangled her hair a couple of times, it was a MESS. But she has such beautiful hair, I hate to see it being neglected. She's too young now to care, but I would hate to see her grow up and wish that her hair were different.

    I don't feel like its my place to tell the parents that they're not taking care of her hair properly. But if I'm ever babysitting her I'll try to detangle and style it for her, usually braids. Hopefully her parents just catch on!


    Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk
    CG since August 14, 2011 (newbie!:))

    Type: 3B(?)/thick/coarse

    Currently using: Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture, Lily of the Desert Aloe Vera Gel, Coconut Oil
  • aspiringrihannaaspiringrihanna Posts: 1Registered Users
    There is a blog by a white mother who has a black daughter (adopted). I think its a wonderful site because I've met a few adoptive mothers who just toss their kids to a salon and the kids are left with no education whatsoever when it comes to their hair. She caught a lot of flak about it though, even thogh she was just trying to educate herself and other women in her shoes. Ive even learned about my hair from her!

    So do direct her to this site: www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com. such a loving blog.

    Sent from my PC36100 using CurlTalk App
  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    There is a blog by a white mother who has a black daughter (adopted). I think its a wonderful site because I've met a few adoptive mothers who just toss their kids to a salon and the kids are left with no education whatsoever when it comes to their hair. She caught a lot of flak about it though, even thogh she was just trying to educate herself and other women in her shoes. Ive even learned about my hair from her!

    So do direct her to this site: www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com. such a loving blog.

    Sent from my PC36100 using CurlTalk App

    I think i heard of her. I am going to bookmark her blog. i really like it. thanks!
  • theliothelio Posts: 5,374Registered Users
    thanks so much yall! i'm going to take my niece one day next week. i'm going to tell her we are having a spa day. I'll deep treat her hair like i do mine, and detangle it for her. i'll see if i can style it.

    i'll buy her some tressemme or sauve adn see which works best for her hair. i'll might spring for KKKT. But i'm totally getting her a comb (which she doesnt have).
  • adthomasadthomas Posts: 5,525Registered Users
    I have a friend who is white with straight hair and she takes in foster kids. When she had a little AA boy she asked me for advice for his hair. I told her the easiest thing would be to get it cut short then I came her some products and a good brush. Then she got a little puerto rican girl with super curly hair. She didn't ask me for advice but that child's hair was suffering. She wasn't even moisturizing the girl's hair. I didn't want to butt in but finally I started dropping hints here and there. Then I gradually moved into buying "presents" that would include conditioners, wide tooth combs, ect. Much better and my friend was amazed how the girl's hair starting growing overnight.:)
    I told my friend just to use leave in conditioner to style since the girl is two years old but unfortunately someone else told my friend to buy mousse and it just looks awful and greasy. I'm still working on that one:thumbdown:
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • tiama-xtiama-x Posts: 199Registered Users
    you could always buy the CG book for her as well as some products and accessories such as the wide tooth comb and satin pillowcase for a christmas present for your niece.. That way she will or should read the book and possibly better understand how curly hair is different.. I dont know how close you are to your sister but i dont know if she would be offended by it, i doubt it since you will be giving it to your niece, i havent read the CG book so i dont know if even your niece will try to read it; if not take her in one weekend and educate her with cheapo products her mother could get at the local shops without breaking a budget.. Christmas really is just around the corner.. Happy Christmas to all!!!
    "2 Something ATM"
    Coarse, Medium- Thick, Normal Porosity
    My Routine
    Low 'Poo: curash soothing oatmeal conditioning shampoo
    RO: tresemme naturals moisturising conditioner
    LI: tresemme naturals/kinky curly knot today
    Seal: mix of shea butter/coconut oil
    Goals
    waist length hair & finding a sexual cheapo leave in conditioner for both me and my daughter
  • curlimamicurlimami Posts: 56Registered Users
    thelio wrote: »
    thanks so much yall! i'm going to take my niece one day next week. i'm going to tell her we are having a spa day. I'll deep treat her hair like i do mine, and detangle it for her. i'll see if i can style it.

    i'll buy her some tressemme or sauve adn see which works best for her hair. i'll might spring for KKKT. But i'm totally getting her a comb (which she doesnt have).

    Ooooo my iPad deleted my response (it was longtoo)

    I think this sounds great. At the very least, you can be a positive influence/ role model in her life . You can compliment her hair, and curly hair in front of her. You can show her that curly hair is beautiful.

    Also, maybe you can buy a couple hair magazines, maybe one with kids styles in it - the kids /people in those mags are usually pretty/models.. And maybe that might spark her interest in wearing a curly style. Maybe pointout actresses her age (or young actresses) that have similar hair type?

    Madison Pettis is young and super cute, her hair is like 3c curly I think?
    Here is a link with her pictures and what shows she has been in
    Madison Pettis - IMDb



    If you ever get a chance to talk seriously with your nieces mom, tell her she is seriously damaging her daughters self esteem. Its not "just hair" , it is who she is! And who she is should be beautiful to her own mother.
    All bets off on finding the perfect products for the curls - focusing on regrowing (50%) hair loss due to
    A) Depo Provera (injectable birth control)
    B) seborrheic dermatitis
    C) stress/diet