Oogling other women vs casual glance

BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
When you're in a relationship, is it ever okay to check out another man/woman when you're with your significant other?


Keep in mind, there's a difference between a "you're hotness caught me by surprise" glance versus a "I've noticed you and I'm checking you out up and down while my gf/bf is with me".

My friends and I had a discussion about this today and I'm surprised by the way some people feel about this.
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Comments

  • starsstars Posts: 108Registered Users
    Hecks no! If you're in a relationship, then you should be too busy checking out your significant other!

    I think if someone is still distracted by other men/women while in a relationship, then they're obviously not completely devoted to that person, and not ready to be committed.

    That's just my opinion, of course.
  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    A casual glance is fine. I "casually glance" at beautiful people of both sexes, whether with or without my mate. It can't be helped!

    Ogling is NOT ok.
  • 2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,485Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    LAwoman wrote: »
    A casual glance is fine. I "casually glance" at beautiful people of both sexes, whether with or without my mate. It can't be helped!

    Ogling is NOT ok.


    +1
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  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    One of my friends said something along the lines of "Guys are like cavemen and it's programmed into them to stare at women." So women shouldn't take it personally.

    :goofy:

    So basically, "Oogah boogah me must stare at bouncy boobies, me can't help it. Ooogah boogah".

    Talk about not making someone accountable for their behavior.
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  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    LAwoman wrote: »
    A casual glance is fine. I "casually glance" at beautiful people of both sexes, whether with or without my mate. It can't be helped!

    Ogling is NOT ok.

    +2
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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Bianca wrote: »
    One of my friends said something along the lines of "Guys are like cavemen and it's programmed into them to stare at women." So women shouldn't take it personally.

    :goofy:

    So basically, "Oogah boogah me must stare at bouncy boobies, me can't help it. Ooogah boogah".

    Talk about not making someone accountable for their behavior.

    Oh dear, that is so wrong and of course I disagree with his sentiment, but I have to say your post made me LOL.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't care about looking. I look, he looks, we look together.
  • starsstars Posts: 108Registered Users
    Bianca wrote: »
    One of my friends said something along the lines of "Guys are like cavemen and it's programmed into them to stare at women." So women shouldn't take it personally.

    :goofy:

    So basically, "Oogah boogah me must stare at bouncy boobies, me can't help it. Ooogah boogah".

    Talk about not making someone accountable for their behavior.

    I've heard that excuse before. It prolly the most painfully lamest excuses I've ever heard. It's just a way for boys (yes boys, not men) to justify themselves when they stare, cheat, etc.

    Men on the other hand don't need to do that, cuz they appreciate the relationships that they are in. And they're mature enough to not wanna even do those things.
  • MojoDojoMojoDojo Posts: 702Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    We compare the relative attractiveness of people when we're out together. Funny how one of us will find someone attractive and the other will not.

    But if you're not okay with that, then it's not okay to do it. Guys aren't so hard-wired that they can't resist the urge to check someone out, despite how much they want us to believe otherwise.
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  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've been sitting someplace and a hot man or woman walks in and catches my eye. Even if it's a woman, I'll do a double-take glance. Because attractive people...attract. Simple as that. So I get that.

    But I find oogling, swiveling the head, looking up and down, etc when your SO is right by you to be disrespectful.
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  • starsstars Posts: 108Registered Users
    Oh yeah, appreciating the beauty of another human being is one thing.

    But all that other crap, I don't think so.
  • CurlyHairedFarmerCurlyHairedFarmer Posts: 3,079Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    A quick, casual glance is fine. I might feel a little sting, but I will get over it. It is NOT okay to blatantly check out someone while in a relationship with me.

    This is an understanding between my SO and I. It ma be different between other couples.To each their own.
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  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    2poodles wrote: »
    LAwoman wrote: »
    A casual glance is fine. I "casually glance" at beautiful people of both sexes, whether with or without my mate. It can't be helped!

    Ogling is NOT ok.


    +1

    +2

    I'd like to add 2 things:

    1) Just because I'm not eating doesn't mean I can't look at the menu...

    2) I'm married. I'm not dead. Or blind.

    :laughing6:
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  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    Bianca wrote: »
    I've been sitting someplace and a hot man or woman walks in and catches my eye. Even if it's a woman, I'll do a double-take glance. Because attractive people...attract. Simple as that. So I get that.

    But I find oogling, swiveling the head, looking up and down, etc when your SO is right by you to be disrespectful.

    I agree with this. Oogling in the manner you describe while with your SO is not cool.
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  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    MojoDojo wrote: »
    We compare the relative attractiveness of people when we're out together. Funny how one of us will find someone attractive and the other will not.

    But if you're not okay with that, then it's not okay to do it. Guys aren't so hard-wired that they can't resist the urge to check someone out, despite how much they want us to believe otherwise.

    I'd have to politely disagree with the bolded. In my 48 years, I've never met a man who could resist checking out an attractive female. That excludes oogling, of course. But checking out the scenery is second nature to men.
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  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    cympreni wrote: »
    I don't care about looking. I look, he looks, we look together.

    That's us. We look, we discuss, we point people out to each other. I draw the line at looking up and down while drooling and any other behavior that could get one labelled a sex offender because that is disrespectful to the object of the attention too.
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  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    LAwoman wrote: »
    A casual glance is fine. I "casually glance" at beautiful people of both sexes, whether with or without my mate. It can't be helped!

    Ogling is NOT ok.

    I'd add that for us, an exception is when someone is presenting themselves in a way that we end up telling each other to ogle with us! In Vegas this summer I pointed out a lot of RIDICULOUS breasts, and other various outfits and body parts, to my boyfriend. Then we ogled together!
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  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    It's only natural to look at and appreciate beauty. It's a whole other thing to oogle and stare at an attractive person in your SO's presence.
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  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    cympreni wrote: »
    I don't care about looking. I look, he looks, we look together.

    Yeah, I think this is how I feel too. It used to bother me a lot, but not so much anymore.
    :rambo:
  • TrenellTrenell Posts: 3,562Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    geeky wrote: »
    cympreni wrote: »
    I don't care about looking. I look, he looks, we look together.

    That's us. We look, we discuss, we point people out to each other. I draw the line at looking up and down while drooling and any other behavior that could get one labelled a sex offender because that is disrespectful to the object of the attention too.

    Same for us.

    oogling and cat calling is gross, regardless if you are in a relationship or not
  • OBBOBB Posts: 4,174Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    misspam wrote: »
    1) Just because I'm not eating doesn't mean I can't look at the menu...


    its not the menu that scares me its the price
  • slinky1slinky1 Banned Posts: 1,612Banned Users
    Sidebar to be ignored...

    I'm considering all of the people who didn't believe me when I said people constantly comment on what I look like...

    As you can see, people are incessantly sizing up and judging people's appearance. Audibly. It's just part of life.
    ;)
  • mintheminthe Banned Posts: 209Banned Users
    Oogling is disrespectful. I was only once in a relationship where the guy did this and we were 15 years old. It also didn't last long (the relationship). Looking doesn't bother me. Sure, I've noticed guys I've been with look fondly at another woman, but as long as it's not lingering it's not a problem.

    I've never been someone who looks people over. I'm shy and self-conscious in public despite making every effort to change. I don't notice people looking at me either very often, though the other day a Kroger this lady in the coffee aisle passed me, looked me over, and gave me the most hostile look. I was so startled that I stopped and she continued to look at me with this mean gaze then finally walked off. Maybe she thought I was someone else cause I didn't know her from adam. Nope, I don't have much use for other people in public unless I'm in trouble. All of you people watchers are going to have me more alert!
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,772Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I can understand seeing a really attractive person and looking at them. I think we all admire beauty. I've been mesmerized by some women and their beauty. That doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. I just admire how they look. When it comes to a man I'm with, I don't have a problem with him taking a peek. I understand this, but ogling another woman is not OK. I feel that would be disrespectful to me.

    I really, really hate the men who are with other women and stand or sit behind them and give out that "I want to fark you look." I just want to warn their dates/wives/gf's that they need to get rid of that loser.
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  • NetGNetG Posts: 8,116Registered Users
    geeky wrote: »
    cympreni wrote: »
    I don't care about looking. I look, he looks, we look together.

    That's us. We look, we discuss, we point people out to each other. I draw the line at looking up and down while drooling and any other behavior that could get one labelled a sex offender because that is disrespectful to the object of the attention too.

    That's how relationships have always been for me. Leering is repulsive to me and not acceptable. But just simply looking is pretty normal.

    I make an attempt to compliment people when I admire their outfit, hair, etc. Apparently I'm not creepy about it, because I get more women offering me their phone numbers thinking I'm hitting on them... Oops? Apparently I should start complimenting men more!
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  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    Bianca wrote: »
    When you're in a relationship, is it ever okay to check out another man/woman when you're with your significant other?


    Keep in mind, there's a difference between a "you're hotness caught me by surprise" glance versus a "I've noticed you and I'm checking you out up and down while my gf/bf is with me".

    My friends and I had a discussion about this today and I'm surprised by the way some people feel about this.

    um. no, it's not ok.

    just because you are coupled, doesn't mean you are dead and will automatically not find any other person physically attractive.

    however, ogling another woman with a "dayum, you are foine!" look in your eyes ... especially when your partner is in your company, is as bad as pointing out another woman to your partner and saying "that woman over there is gorgeous!"

    it's just disrespectful and unnecessary.
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  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    This reminds of the times I spent with my quartet after rehearsals we would catch dinner together on the open terrace of some restaurant and these guys would stop all conversation to look at some woman as they walked by. Most of the time I was talking when they did this. Just over the top & rude. Pissed me off to the point I gathered my things to walk out. It makes no sense to have control over every aspect of your life except this one thing.


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  • MojoDojoMojoDojo Posts: 702Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    misspam wrote: »
    MojoDojo wrote: »
    We compare the relative attractiveness of people when we're out together. Funny how one of us will find someone attractive and the other will not.

    But if you're not okay with that, then it's not okay to do it. Guys aren't so hard-wired that they can't resist the urge to check someone out, despite how much they want us to believe otherwise.

    I'd have to politely disagree with the bolded. In my 48 years, I've never met a man who could resist checking out an attractive female. That excludes oogling, of course. But checking out the scenery is second nature to men.

    By checking out, I do mean oogling - to clarify. I consider a quick glance... a, well, glance. My "checking out" is the up-down-look-at-the-whole-freaking-package-and-walk-into-a-wall thing. XD.
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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Oogling other women while you're with your significant other is totally disrespectful. I'm totally okay with a casual glance. The key is to be discreet about it.
  • NinjaretteNinjarette Posts: 3,982Registered Users
    Of course men and women notice each other. Being in a relationship doesn't kill the physical attraction to others.

    However, for ME, I don't oogle men period...whether or not I'm in a relationship.

    When I'm in a relationship, it's very clear I'm in one. I don't communicate in any way that I'm still looking, trying to get some play on the low, or that I'm so taken with the physical beauty of another that I'm willing to ignore the fact that the man I've chosen to be with is standing near me, or not. To ME, that is disrespectful. I can look at a man, notice he's attractive, and not miss a beat.

    I also believe that while all of us know that our significant others find others attractive, the majority of us like to feel like we're the "hottest of the hot", and I have no problem with that, and that's my goal with my man - I want him to feel like he's the hottest, finest, most gorgeous man on the planet, when he's with me.

    So, I guess it's up to the two people involved to discuss their feelings about it, and do what works for them.
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