CG is gross now!

hellohorcrux

Hair comes up in conversation sometimes. CG comes up sometimes too, but now I'm not too keen on mentioning it.

My grandparents, my birthparents, and my other family members think I'm absolutely DISGUSTING because I don't use shampoo. No matter how many times I explain CG to them, they're always revolted. In fact, when I told my grandma she said something among the lines of, "Oh my god, I'm about to throw up." She complimented me on my hair that morning.

This happens with friends too. I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm gross because I don't load chemicals into my hair, regardless of my countless explanations. Today, my friend said to me, "That's not right." My best friend of eight years said, "You do know conditioner is just putting grease in your hair, right?" I get nothing but criticism all the time for the method I use to control my locks. My CURLY-HAIRED FRIEND even told me that I was wrong and horrifying in my haircare and that I should use shampoo. ALL OF THESE PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME ON MY HAIR REGULARLY.

I just can't stand it anymore. Does anyone else deal with this?

JewelCurls

Sorry you are getting the hair hate... I have had similar experiences in the past. I remember telling my sister, who also has curly hair like me, about the CG goodness, and how my hair is more manageable/looks better/healthier, and I ended by offering to teach her how to do it herself. She replied "no, not shampooing your hair is gross". I must have given her a look, because she immediately started backtracking, and saying that what she really meant was that if she didn't shampoo her hair it was gross but mine was fine and looked good, etc., but I understood. Now I tend to feel people out before mentioning my hair, and even though I co-wash still, I shorten it to "wash" (unspoken "with shampoo") so that I do not freak out the unenlightened.

proudcurlygirly

:confused1: It's true that people who are unenlightened to the CG method are freaked out by it. We are led to believe by clever advertising that washing your hair equates to whatever shampoo and conditioner the particular manufacturer is promoting.

I admit I was a little daunted when I first read about CG and wondered if co-washing would actually work, thinking only shampoo alone could cleanse the scalp. I'm really glad I gave it a chance now and haven't looked back.

It does make me laugh how people compliment how your hair looks visually, but once they realise you haven't gone down the 'conventional' route to look that way, it throws them off balance! (I bet a lot of people thought Lorraine Massey was crazy when she first came up with the CG idea, but look at the following she has now!)

rolltidegal

My friends used to be like that until one of my guy friends (who's about my height, maybe a bit taller) goes "you give really good hugs. And one of my favorite parts of them is that your hair always smells so good!" So, now that I have his official stamp of approval for how my hair smells, I can't be doing so badly. Haha.

LISA LISA

Yeah that's a touchy subject. I usually say that I stay away from products that contain sulfates, silicones or alcohol. That's all they really need to know. I don't tell them that I just use conditioner to wash.

moelarry

I generally don't discuss it because it's a personal hygiene issue. If you don't tell them, how will they know?

The nice thing about being older is that you come to realize that the opinions of uninformed individuals who have no idea what they are talking about are not important.:blah5::blah5::blah5:

When they don't have (or deny) curly hair, haven't tried it, but still have an opinion on it, based on little more than cultural indoctrination, who cares what they think?

LadyV69

I don't discuss my personal hygiene routine in great detail with anyone, friends and family included. They don't need to know. Many black women with relaxed hair wash their hair infrequently (around every 2 or 3 weeks) because they are told that washing it will ruin the perm. If people knew I washed it twice a week, often just co-washing, not using shampoo, many of them would freak out and accuse me of trying to be white, because only white people wash their hair that frequently:roll:. I also don't get into the kind of products I use, because some of the ones I use are considered "white people" products. Only the people on the boards truly understand. Save yourself the grief and refrain from mentioning your routine in the future. It shouldn't come up in conversation often.

creativelicense

I mostly say that I shower daily and leave it at. If people ask me how I do my hair, I tread lightly by saying that I style my hair every day with a few different techniques. For people who actually want to know, I give the full details and explain that my hair is always clean and that most shampoo is actually terrible for hair. People always comment on how nice my hair looks and smells so no one seems to give me grief.

AlikaIssa

hellohorcrux wrote: »

My best friend of eight years said, "You do know conditioner is just putting grease in your hair, right?"

Your friend has a point. Using some conditioners is like putting grease in your hair because many of them are loaded with oils, waxes and silicones. However, it seems that she is oblivious to the fact that not all conditioners are created equal.

The conditioners in your siggy are great for co-washing! None of them contain heavy oils and they both appear to have a large amount of surfactants in them. Many people do not realise that the surfactants in many conditioners have the ability to remove dirt and excess sebum, therefore cleaning the hair and conditioning it at the same time. I think your friends and family just need a little educating about co-washing.

JewelCurls

Oo since you seem informed, could you point out a couple of conditioner surfactants? I have been curious about those for a while. I know they exist but people have not been able to identify them for me.

AlikaIssa

JewelCurls wrote: »

Oo since you seem informed, could you point out a couple of conditioner surfactants? I have been curious about those for a while. I know they exist but people have not been able to identify them for me.

The following surfactants are commonly found in conditioners:

- Cetearyl alcohol (CosIng - Cosmetics - Health and Consumers - European Commission: Ingredient/Substance Details)

- Cetyl alcohol (CosIng - Cosmetics - Health and Consumers - European Commission: Ingredient/Substance Details)

- Cetrimonium Chloride (CosIng - Cosmetics - Health and Consumers - European Commission: Ingredient/Substance Details)

- Behentrimonium Methosulfate (CosIng - Cosmetics - Health and Consumers - European Commission: Ingredient/Substance Details)

However, if there are too much oils or butters in the formulation the surfactants will not do a great job at cleaning the hair.

There are a lot more Surfactants out there. You can check out Cosing for more information.

Behentrimonium methosulfate is my personal favourite because it detangles as well as cleanses. The link to Cosing indicates that it is a hair conditioner as well as a surfactant.

Kinky Kurly Knot Today is the best conditioner that I have ever used for co-washing. It contains Behentrimonium Methosulfate and Cetyl alcohol and it really gets my hair clean while detangling it at the same time.

I have never used the conditioners in the OP's siggy but I checked out the ingredients and they seem great for co-washing.

JewelCurls

Thank you so much!

FreshStartCurls

don't even tell them!

CurlyCheerCup

Hi there, so, uh, not four seconds ago my mom found out and absolutely FLIPPED OUT and yelled at me for an hour straight about being 'dirty' and 'hygiene', and now she's laying on the couch, moaning about 'high blood'. She won't even let me get my two cents in, or listen to whatever I say. She is now saying she is 'disappointed' in me. Like, WHAT THE &@#%.

Needless to say, I am utterly discouraged right now...I think we all know the feeling. My friends all know and love my hair, but my whole family besides my brother is so critical. I don't know who else to turn to, cause I have no idea who else does this routine irl. I'm just...ugh, you know how awful it is to feel estatic about your new curls, FINALLY feeling good about the way you look, and then someone just pulls you to the ground and tramples all over you?

...I just feel...ugh.

proudcurlygirly

CurlyCheerCup wrote: »

Hi there, so, uh, not for seconds ago my mom found out and absolutely FLIPPED OUT and yelled at me for an hour straight about being 'dirty' and 'hygiene', and now she's laying on the couch, moaning about 'high blood'. She won't even let me get my two cents in, or listen to whatever I say. She is now saying she is 'disappointed' in me. Like, WHAT THE &@#%.

Needless to say, I am utterly discouraged right now...I think we all know the feeling. My friends all know and love my hair, but my whole family besides my brother is so critical. I don't know who else to turn to, cause I have no idea who else does this routine irl. I'm just...ugh, you know how awful it is to feel estatic about your new curls, FINALLY feeling good about the way you look, and then someone just pulls you to the ground and tramples all over you?

...I just feel...ugh.

:confused3: I'm sorry to hear that your family aren't supportive of your decision to go CG. Don't let it put you off, people who do not understand the concept are shocked (which is understandable when we are indoctrined to believe in the shampoo and condition routine). Unless your folks bring the subject up, I wouldn't mention it to them and just carry on quietly doing what you do, safe in the knowledge that you are actually doing your beautiful curls a favour.

Your curls ARE gorgeous by the way!

ginny11

CurlyCheerCup, that sucks that you are dealing with such uninformed judgment from your mom/family. When I was a teen, I butted heads with my mom constantly, she and I were opposites in so many ways. She was always critical of the way I dressed and looked. I was very rebellious, and just had a very "in your face" way of dealing with it: learn to live with it mom, cause this is the way I am! But maybe you are not so rebellious, or maybe it's too hard for you to be so openly different from the expectations of your mom. Maybe just don't talk about it anymore. Not suggesting you lie, but just avoid the subject. So sorry you aren't getting more support!

The Spiral Queen

Oh wow.

curlsr2fun

hellohorcrux wrote: »

Hair comes up in conversation sometimes. CG comes up sometimes too, but now I'm not too keen on mentioning it.

My grandparents, my birthparents, and my other family members think I'm absolutely DISGUSTING because I don't use shampoo. No matter how many times I explain CG to them, they're always revolted. In fact, when I told my grandma she said something among the lines of, "Oh my god, I'm about to throw up." She complimented me on my hair that morning.

This happens with friends too. I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm gross because I don't load chemicals into my hair, regardless of my countless explanations. Today, my friend said to me, "That's not right." My best friend of eight years said, "You do know conditioner is just putting grease in your hair, right?" I get nothing but criticism all the time for the method I use to control my locks. My CURLY-HAIRED FRIEND even told me that I was wrong and horrifying in my haircare and that I should use shampoo. ALL OF THESE PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME ON MY HAIR REGULARLY.

I just can't stand it anymore. Does anyone else deal with this?

Why do you tell them?

You're hair is really pretty, the color too.

jojouhgogo

LadyV69 wrote: »

I don't discuss my personal hygiene routine in great detail with anyone, friends and family included. They don't need to know. Many black women with relaxed hair wash their hair infrequently (around every 2 or 3 weeks) because they are told that washing it will ruin the perm. If people knew I washed it twice a week, often just co-washing, not using shampoo, many of them would freak out and accuse me of trying to be white, because only white people wash their hair that frequently:roll:. I also don't get into the kind of products I use, because some of the ones I use are considered "white people" products. Only the people on the boards truly understand. Save yourself the grief and refrain from mentioning your routine in the future. It shouldn't come up in conversation often.

oh me oh my, i knoe EXACTLY what yure talking about. annoying a heck. i wish people would be more openminded

bluesheep

CurlyCheerCup wrote: »

Hi there, so, uh, not for seconds ago my mom found out and absolutely FLIPPED OUT and yelled at me for an hour straight about being 'dirty' and 'hygiene', and now she's laying on the couch, moaning about 'high blood'. She won't even let me get my two cents in, or listen to whatever I say. She is now saying she is 'disappointed' in me. Like, WHAT THE &@#%.

Needless to say, I am utterly discouraged right now...I think we all know the feeling. My friends all know and love my hair, but my whole family besides my brother is so critical. I don't know who else to turn to, cause I have no idea who else does this routine irl. I'm just...ugh, you know how awful it is to feel estatic about your new curls, FINALLY feeling good about the way you look, and then someone just pulls you to the ground and tramples all over you?

...I just feel...ugh.

I'm so sorry CCC. I know what that can be like. Moms have a way of cutting you to the quick in a way no one else can. I'm in my early 40s and my mom can STILL get me once in a while. I've always been "different". Luckily, my mom and family eventually learned to appreciate that.

Try to remember that she loves you and *thinks* she knows what's best for you. She's doing the wrong thing, but with the right intentions. That said, blow it off. You know what's right for your hair. Keep doing what you're doing and ignore the criticism. Short of dragging you into the shower and forcibly shampooing your hair, no one can stop you. Just don't say anything more about it. Your mom may come around. Or not. Either way, you always have us, and your beautiful hair.



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CurlyCheerCup

Thanks you guys. I think I will follow your advice and stick with it, and try to avoid the topic. My mom is sort of old, and not very open-minded, so I guess it's very difficult to change the way she thinks. It's just that mom is all I've got, and it's not encouraging when your only parent is so difficult. But I do know she loves me more than anyone else in the world.

I just hope to find someone that I can encourage to join me so I'm not totally alone. Glad to have you curlies here with me I can't wait until I'm an adult and feel a sense of freedom and feel like I have the ability to change the world! (also money XD)

Kayjayess

Well, your hair is gorgeous, so you are obviously doing something right! I know this is weird, but what if you have them feel how healthy your hair is and then smell it to show that your head isn't dirty?

I have gotten some odd looks and negative comments, so my standard response now is that I have started using sulfate free shampoo and looking more carefully at the ingredients in the products I use. They don't need to know that I only use the shampoo on my scalp or that I cleanse with only conditioner most days.

afrosheenqueen

It used to be that not more than 40 years ago that people didn't wash as often as we do now. Especially in the country. You took a bath around once or twice a week.

Even now doctors are advising people with dry skin to was less or only wash certain parts. This is just the skin I'm talking about. So I don't understand why showering and only using conditioner on the hair is deemed to be so gross and nasty.

alaskantsunami

LadyV69 wrote: »

many of them would freak out and accuse me of trying to be white, because only white people wash their hair that frequently:roll:. I also don't get into the kind of products I use, because some of the ones I use are considered "white people" products.

Interesting that you say this. As far as I know I'm of mostly southern European and Irish descent, and when I tell people (excluding family) I don't use shampoo and I only wash my hair every other day, they usually say that I shouldn't be doing it that way because I'm white and "only black people can get away with not washing their hair with shampoo and everyday." I also buy my mousse in the section of the store labeled "ethnic hair care" and I've picked up some weird looks and one person (another curly white lady) told me "those products don't work for us, they're only for black women with curls." Too bad I've been using that mousse for half a year with great results. Anyway, point is I thought it was interesting how this seemed to go both ways.

And yeah, I don't get into my routine or products anymore, people have said it's gross too many times.

itsiliii

Aww sorry to hear all the hate you're getting. I usually don't discuss my co washing methods because no one asks ^.^ At one point my mom said that I was going to start stinking if I didnt use shampoo, but once she sniffed my head and noted that i was exceptionally clean she didnt say another word about it.

curledlove

Being a teeneager is difficult. The new hormones and changes in your body make you feel different from how you did when you were a child. It can be an awkward time for many, especially those of us who already feel outcast because our hair is louder than the asst principal and the loud speaker. A closed minded or non supporting parent only adds to the stress that is already present. When I was 16, I decided for the first time that I did not want to relax my hair anymore. My mom laughed and said that I have 'bad' hair and that there is no way to style it if its not relaxed. I knew this wasn't true because every few months when my relaxer grew out a little bit, I saw beautiful curls. That transition lasted 6 months and then my mom convinved me to relax it. Actually, she threatened me into relaxing it. Shameful, I know... Two years later at 18, I was determined to grow it out for real and not let anyone or anything, even my mom's threats, change my mind. I did exactly that. I think that was my first real move towards independence. Now at 22 I am a very young, but very independent adult that IS changing the world while proudly wearing natural curls! I said all that to say that your parents and family are used to certain societal implications on what hygiene and hair care should be. Of course they don't realize that many beauty companies don't really care about our hair, they care about our money. That is why the products are marketed the way they are. I'm not saying boycott these companies all together, I'm saying use their products as you need and in a way that works for YOU. Don't let anyone else's close minded opinion take a toll on your beautiful hair. To this day certain people in my family hate my hair. They say I am making our family look bad by having messy hair and that we are supposed to try to look more civilized, not more caveman-esque. I didn't know natural hair made me look like a caveman but sure... Just let it slide right off you, you have us!!!

lovely_eirene

To the OP - Wow. Just...wow. I don't envy you that situation at all *hugs*

I've been CG for about a month now, and even though it's given me the frizz-free moist curls I never knew I could have, I've never really felt the need to discuss it with anyone. I don't think anyone outside other curlies is that interested in my hair, lol! It's just never come up in conversation, and I prefer it that way because I understand entirely the "EWW GROOOOSSS" reactions people have been getting when they do talk about it.

I think Western society is just obsessed with hygiene and suds and soap are a huge part of that. It's instilled in us from such a young age that bubbles/suds/soap is the only way to clean stuff that it's really no wonder people don't understand (and maybe get a little upset) when you confront them with the idea that, wow - maybe something they've lived by and trusted in for so long isn't gospel after all.

Kind of OT, but...didn't women used to use cold cream to cleanse their faces of make-up? And aren't stores full of, not just foaming cleansers, but cleansing milks and creams for dry skin? So, for dry hair, doesn't it make sense that a kind of cleansing cream/conditioner will work just fine too...?

Tati-Ana

hi guys, maybe it's guano, what I'm asking about, but I would like to know, why having curls is such a distress in us?
I don't mean to offense someone. Please understand me right even if it's not so easy due to my typos:) I come from russia and I could never imagine before, that someone could find curls messy, ugly or would assume not to comb properly. All my life I only hear, my hair was a gift given me by nature and I should be lucky to wear it curly etc. And my hair is not nearly as good and healthy looking as yours. Ok, such curls are pretty untypical for russians, who have mostly just a kind of loose waves. But nevertheless, nobody cares if it's enough to use only a conditioner or not.
You're very strong personalities, guys, cos you deal with abusing and outcast day by day and still follow your pavements

smashleighfig

I completely understand how you feel! When I first started, originally I wasn't going to tell anyone that I was doing it. Then, I got so excited that I couldn't stop myself and I told my mom, and of course my fiance. My fiance was just excited for me, but my mom (who I can tell anything to) said "How would it be clean then?" I showed her some things I'd been looking at online and before and after pictures, etc. She was excited for me too, but just skeptical. That I can understand, becasue when I first heard about it my first thought was "How do you WASH your hair then?" so I get it. Unless they know as much as we do about it, they won't really understand. Yet, they notice the change in our hair and compliment it. I'm sure they'll come around in time!

BlackAngelPlayah

This is exactly why I share very little about my hair or hair care with "outsiders". If we're not on the same page, I just reveal as little as possible. That goes for all aspects in my life. Just makes life much easier. I'm learning that even with family (DH in my case.) sometimes it's just easier to keep it to ya self. Sucks, but true.

Jen


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Studio138

It's a sad fact that people think the lather is what cleans there hair. No lather and you can't be clean. I run into this when I use No Poo on a client for the first time sometimes. But usually they work there way into it after they see the results I can achieve. It's common for people to not understand there own hair and what I like to do is educate people so they understand.
Just know your way ahead of the curve!