Aging Parent/s

Curlswirl

My mother is in her early 80s and had a great memory until she got dizzy and had a fall a year ago. Now she forgets what she says and others say and repeats herself a lot. Is this just part of getting older or could she have had a mini-stroke or something else when she became dizzy and fell. I am concerned about her but if I mention my concern about her I think it will upset her a great deal as she is happiest in denial. Is anyone here
going through this with their aging parent/s or know about what "normal" aging is like? I am confused about how to approach this.

WileE-Dead

Yep, it is tough!
I think my dear mother takes too many meds, tho my dad says he has been keeping an eye on that & goes w/ her to appts.

It doesn't help that I cannot stand her doc! Tho I trust my dad's judgment. tg he is there for her or I would have to try to figure out something.
I have an older bro, but he's worthless. Hubby has already said that we'd be taking care of my folks, if need be. They do have long-term care ins..so..

My mom has fallen..tg didn't break anything. She also repeats herself. I think right now it's just old age. She just turned 76 last month..of course, these things do depend on the person.

I keep telling her she needs a hobby & to do something to exercise her brain..she's just like my grandmother was [her mom]...she would just sit around all day.....sigh...I digress.

I am not a fan of meds. I think she can be too sedated at times & did tell me the other day how she just has to take her sleeping pill at night or can't sleep...don't like that at all!

My mom has been dizzy, as well & has a weak knee. She is also anemic, but has had tests & nothing found. If she gets up too fast, that is when it occurs. I still think anemia has something to do w/ it.
Yep, the denial thing is something you'll go up against. My mil is that way...hubby just accepts it..sigh...what can ya do, ya know?

I think they just feel they have lived their life & don't wanna know things [going to doc, etc].
I work in the medical industry & am amazed at some of the stuff I see!

Older folks w/ COPD who continue to smoke..oy
I'd just stay concerned, but do so in a nonthreatening way...my dear mother has good days and bad days...one never knows if she's gonna get in a mood & go off on you!
Unfortunately, that is me she lashes out at.....lol

Lotsawaves

I'm noticing that once they hit 80 they start going down hill. I see this a lot in the patients who come into my office. It's like dementia sets in.

My mom is 79 and is still pretty sharp. She loves her computer and has a FB account where she plays "Farmville." She also reads alot. She just bought herself a kindle.

My bosses wife is a speech therapist and also runs a brain gym. She has computer games for her patients with head injuries, strokes, or dementia. I think it's very important to work your brain and of course a healthy diet.

bluesheep

Unfortunately, I don't think there's really any such thing as "normal" aging - everyone is different, and there are so many variables.

Does your mom have a doctor? If so, maybe you could call and speak to her or him and express your concerns. S/he may be able to approach her in a way that she finds less threatening.

If she doesn't have a regular doctor, you might suggest a checkup. I have found it effective with both my 81 year old mother and elderly in-laws to position things as, "I really need to have an eye exam. Would you be interested in coming with me?" You might say you're due for a physical, and commiserate about how it's really difficult to motivate yourself to go, etc. She may be more receptive if she doesn't perceive it as "Mom, there's something wrong with you, and you need to see the doctor."

Unfortunately, I have found that elderly parents often feel threatened by us loving, well-meaning children. They fear a loss of autonomy (don't we all), and sometimes view our concern as an erosion of that autonomy. My older sisters have experienced this with my mother: she will often become angry and lash out at them over a comment or suggestion they make. I usually have better success with her - not because I am "better" - they are wonderful daughters and love her dearly. It's all about communication styles, and luckily for me, mine seems to put my mother more at ease when approaching issues of her health and lifestyle.

Hang in there. It's a tight and stressful spot to be in. Just know that there are lots of us to offer support.

2poodles

Curlswirl - you've been given great advice already. I suggest having a frank discussion with your mom and anyone who might live with her. As bluesheep says, the conversation needs to be done carefully. Perhaps Mother's Day would be a good opportunity. You could give her a gift of accompanying her to a doctor's visit as well as a mani/pedi girl day. Tell her you want to make sure she's around for a long time so you can continue to pamper her. In my experience, many elderly people like to talk about their health issues - and may be open to having a relative accompany them to the doctor's. If you can, make sure you bring a list of all of the medications she's on - including any over-the-counter drugs. So many people are on too many drugs, IMO.

Good luck with a tricky situation....

Curlswirl

Thanks for your feedback and great suggestions everyone!