Ageism - a spin-off

2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,485Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
I think society in general tends to favor the young - and equates smooth skin, bright eyes and non-gray hair with beauty. And as we get older, we tend to perpetuate that. We slather on anti-wrinkle creams and potions, dye our hair with chemicals, get injected with various substances designed to "remove years" and tighten what has softened with time. We allow ourselves to be laser-ed, peeled, cut and lifted. And then we are so grateful and desperately flattered when someone tells us how "young we look."

Even More Magazine has a page dedicated to "This is what 48 (or whatever age) looks like". And there's a photo of a beautiful woman who (usually) has dyed hair and has had any number of injections and procedures. I wish, for ONCE, they would show a picture of an authentic woman of a certain age. One whose beauty shines because she eats well, exercises, deals with stresses in a healthy way and lives life fully - with laughter, joy and the love of family and friends. That would seem to be a better goal, a healthier ideal.

I certainly don't have any answers - and, although I no longer dye my hair, I do use retin-a (more to help with acne, though I am not adverse to any anti-aging side-effects!). I haven't had any injections, fillers or plastic surgery. And I don't plan on having any - although I do feel a certain amount of pressure. And it mostly comes from other women - implying that I be careful not to "let myself go" or telling me that "I have such a young face, if only I would get highlights...."

Other cultures look up to the "elders" and value the wisdom that they've gathered over their years. Our culture does the opposite. Sad, really.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]2Poodles :flower: Southeast PA
fine, med porosity, normal elasticity
Currently using the following 2 - 3 x/week:
Living Proof Perfect Hair Day suphate-free Poo, cone-free CO and styling treatment, plus KCCC

Comments

  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,213Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    2poodles, I couldn't agree more with everything you've written. At one time I had a subscription to stupid More magazine but I canceled it because I got so annoyed seeing all the airbrushed, botoxed, lifted, tightened barbie doll type women that they showed.

    I find ageism rampant in our society and one of the last "isms" that people still think is OK to mock.
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • anonymous_22139anonymous_22139 Posts: 659Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Recently, I've been looking through family photographs of my grandmothers (both born in 1896) and great-grandmothers to get a realistic idea of what a 50ish or 60ish year old woman looks like sans make-up, hair color and extreme exercise.

    They look like me! :wav:

    Oh yes, and they all lived past their 80's even though they didn't eat our typical "healthy" diet or practice any exercising routine.

    They lived in a very high, dry climate. Even fruits and vegetables were difficult to come by. At 7000 feet and no rail lines and very little trucking, they lived off what the land produced; meat, potatoes, peas, carrots, root veggies, hard squash, apples (things that would keep in cold storage) and fresh fruits and vegetables (but fresh produce was limited to the harvest period from July through September). Exercise was limited to their daily physical activities like cleaning their homes, laundry and walking the few blocks to the store, post office or church.

    I've become fascinated by these real life women.
  • banjocurlbanjocurl Posts: 1,031Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    i just had dinner w my 95 yr old aunt who said that her mother was an old lady at 40, dumpy and wearing old lady clothes, she is very stylish but no surgery. she does color her hair tho. she is about 90 lbs and used to be much bigger. i hope i dont have to wait till 90 to get thin. i mean can you imagine-she was born in 1915 and she is still living on her own in nyc, playing bridge and going to the theater!!!
    i hope i am still hiking in the woods with my dogs at that age
    Susan suburban NY
    3b going gray, not thick, waist length when wet, a bit below shoulders when dry
    CG since 11/11/04
    http://public.fotki.com/banjolady/
    PW: banjo
    HG: suave and honey for co-wash, deva, i use garnier fructis regular CO's or boots pink or white as leave ins and LA looks sport gel. plop w microfiber turban, then curl towel scrunch, then another turban.i sleep with the turban on. little one minute hair styling videos http://www.youtube.com/user/lazycurls
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,716Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    I've made it known many times here how much it irks me that women over 30, 40, 50 are told that they need to do this and that and the other thing in order to look young. People should feel free to do what they want to themselves - dye, inject, peel and scrub and exfoliate, go under the knife, use a dozen different miracle creams and serums. But we shouldn't be made to feel inadequate if we choose to just be ourselves and not do all that stuff.

    Banjo, love the pic of your aunt. Gorgeous and real.
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
    --My CG and grey hair progress -  
    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html   
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey - 
    https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/color/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it
  • RustinaRustina Posts: 894Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It is sad that so many women buy into the Hollywood hype. You can be old and frumpy at 30, or youthful and energetic at 95, like Banjo's aunt (great photo!!) - I love that there is so much life in that face! I myself am determined to age gracefully, not fakefully. I'm almost 44, and the most freeing moment in my adult life so far has been deciding to let my gray hair grow in - I can't even begin to describe how much that has empowered me! Kudos to all of us who understand that there's nothing wrong with getting older - after all, everyone does it, and trying to deny that it's happening is closing the door on a beautiful stage of life, in my opinion.
    Sulfate/non-water-soluble silicone free since 8/16/10
    Northern VA
    Med-coarse, normal porosity, low elasticity
    Dye-free since 11/2010

  • VTmomVTmom Posts: 2,487Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I love this thread. I'm guilty of wanting to look good for my age but I love to be reassured that it really isn't necessary....and I don't do much...trust me! :)

    Sent from my DROID2
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.

    I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that,
    Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny, 'til I wound up poor and fat,
    Nowadays I kind of worry where my mind's been at,
    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that. (Delbert McClinton - I Used to Worry from Never Been Rocked Enough)
  • Robin-in-FLRobin-in-FL Posts: 1,731Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I've said this before, I don't want to look young, I want to look GOOD! I want to be healthy, in shape and not overweight, and not too-thin-frail either. I want to be able to jump around and dance. I want to have good, thick hair whatever color. I want clear eyes. I don't want to fall apart. I want to be happy and want it to show.

    I don't think I could ever afford surgery to change my body or face. I love my body so much more now that it's carried 4 kids to term and nursed them, I really appreciate what a good body it is. I used to worry a lot about fat and didn't like not having much boobs, but you know, they worked just fine to feed my kids, and that really made me appreciate them as good. And a wee bit of chicha around the waist no big deal, I am so happy no stretch marks even with the 10 pounder. So from disdain to awe.

    You know how when you see an old flamenco dancer they are so much better than the young ones? Like they have something to dance, experience and pain and love, all that stuff that accrues to you over time, you can't rush that. To me that is a kind of beauty that is only given to the old. And it's not de-fanged, not safe or sexless, it's just old and beautiful. That's good.
    2c / C / iii (FIA)
    Med-Coarse, LowPorosity, NormalElast (LCLF)

    Shoulder-Length now.

    Wash: DevaCare Low Poo
    Detangle & Rinseout: Walgreens or Sally's Conditioning Balm (always)
    Leave-in: DevaCare OneC (budget choice is GFTN)
    Style: ReCoil & DevaCare Arc Angel (budget choices are HESMU or Got2BSpikedUp)

    Henna!
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,716Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    robin-in-fl, well said!
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
    --My CG and grey hair progress -  
    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html   
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey - 
    https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/color/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,213Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    robin-in-fl, well said!

    +1
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    banjocurl wrote: »
    i just had dinner w my 95 yr old aunt who said that her mother was an old lady at 40, dumpy and wearing old lady clothes, she is very stylish but no surgery. she does color her hair tho. she is about 90 lbs and used to be much bigger. i hope i dont have to wait till 90 to get thin. i mean can you imagine-she was born in 1915 and she is still living on her own in nyc, playing bridge and going to the theater!!!
    i hope i am still hiking in the woods with my dogs at that age
    God love her, she looks good - so lively! The instructor in my very first Nia class is 65, with the shape of a 30 year old. Notice I didn't say body, because I'm sure her skin, etc. shows age. All I want to is to retain my body's suppleness and its ability to move and feel good. I'm almost 58 and I want to be teaching Nia for at least 10 more years. I think what really ages us is we stop moving. And if we live according to American society's expectations for us we will be old before our time. Frenchwomen know how to age well. I laugh because every time I see a "beautiful at any age" article, it usually stops at 50. I can't blame the editors, because they are relatively young. When I was in my 30's I couldn't see myself at this age at all.
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • susancnwsusancnw Posts: 1,374Registered Users Curl Novice
    You all said it so well. Very well. I just want to continue to be me.

    And Banjo, your aunt said it well...my SIL is 5 years younger than I am and comes across to me as rather frumpy. I really don't care how expensive your clothing is, if you dress like an old lady, then you are going to act and come across as one. I'd love to find someone to compare the two of us without knowing how old we each are. I am 52, still have good skin...sagging a bit, but can't do much about that. Few wrinkles (actually none other than a few crow's feet (and how do I contact the crows to come get them?) Heavier than I want to be so I need to get off my butt on that one.

    For the most part I'm comfortable with me...I just wish that when I try on an outfit that I am sure will be very cute...it would turn out to be the picture of myself in it I have in my mind and NOT the one in the mirror~!
    My son wears combat boots (and a parachute). So does my son-in-law.
    The older I get, the less patience I have with cleverness. Thomas Sowell.
    Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve. Benjamin Franklin.
    Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain.

    s-event.png

  • VTmomVTmom Posts: 2,487Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    sooo true about trying on the clothes...my brain and the mirror are in two different dimensions! ;)

    Sent from my DROID2
    The smallest deed is greater than the grandest intention.

    I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that,
    Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny, 'til I wound up poor and fat,
    Nowadays I kind of worry where my mind's been at,
    Just think I used to worry 'bout things like that. (Delbert McClinton - I Used to Worry from Never Been Rocked Enough)
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,213Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    susancnw wrote: »
    You all said it so well. Very well. I just want to continue to be me.

    And Banjo, your aunt said it well...my SIL is 5 years younger than I am and comes across to me as rather frumpy. I really don't care how expensive your clothing is, if you dress like an old lady, then you are going to act and come across as one. I'd love to find someone to compare the two of us without knowing how old we each are. I am 52, still have good skin...sagging a bit, but can't do much about that. Few wrinkles (actually none other than a few crow's feet (and how do I contact the crows to come get them?) Heavier than I want to be so I need to get off my butt on that one.

    For the most part I'm comfortable with me...I just wish that when I try on an outfit that I am sure will be very cute...it would turn out to be the picture of myself in it I have in my mind and NOT the one in the mirror~!

    Ha Ha, very clever!
    2/c Coarse hair med. density.
    Highly porous. Color over grey.
    I love all the Curl Junkie products. Still experimenting with gels and curl creams. Still hoping for 2nd day hair....
    Every day is a gift :flower:
  • banjocurlbanjocurl Posts: 1,031Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    now i know a number of hiking women who are over 60 --like 65 67 68 and 70s one at 78 and one at 86! i thought it was so cool seeing a woman in her 70s pee in the woods. they are all in great shape and can hike really well. some single some married some inbetween. very inspiring.
    when i was in high school in mid 1960s some of us had the motto "live fast die young and have a good looking corpse". then at our 40th reunion we looked around and said "oh well, too late" :)
    Susan suburban NY
    3b going gray, not thick, waist length when wet, a bit below shoulders when dry
    CG since 11/11/04
    http://public.fotki.com/banjolady/
    PW: banjo
    HG: suave and honey for co-wash, deva, i use garnier fructis regular CO's or boots pink or white as leave ins and LA looks sport gel. plop w microfiber turban, then curl towel scrunch, then another turban.i sleep with the turban on. little one minute hair styling videos http://www.youtube.com/user/lazycurls
  • BugEyeZBugEyeZ Posts: 314Registered Users Curl Novice
    2poodles wrote: »
    I think society in general tends to favor the young - .

    American "society" favors anything it can make a buck with! Advertisers tell you that you are old and ugly so you can buy their products which will "supposedly" transform you into the flawless creature claiming to be your age on in the advertisement. You hear this message over a lifetime, you grow insecure and believe the hype. Advertisers know there is money to be made on your insecurities.

    Why are elders revered in other society? Because they are not bombasted with commercialism like Americans are. Consider this reasoning next time you look in the mirror and start counting your crow's feet and telling yourself society devalues you. Society doesn't devalue you, it just values your money more.:scratch:

    Peace.
    when all else fails...eat:icescream:

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