CurlTalk

I'm one step from getting a relaxer!

I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
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Comments

  • SailaSaila Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    What exactly do you need help with? Styling techniques, products...?
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

    Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

    One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

    So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

    The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • 3c4d7zwhatevs3c4d7zwhatevs Posts: 1,589Registered Users
    Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

    Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

    I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

    I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.
    4a/3c curls
    Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
    Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
    Team Wash and Go!
    iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    sagehen wrote: »
    Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

    Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

    I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

    I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.

    I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

    I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • 3c4d7zwhatevs3c4d7zwhatevs Posts: 1,589Registered Users
    sagehen wrote: »
    Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

    Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

    I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

    I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.

    I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

    I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
    I think some people need to stop being so sensitive when people are speaking their minds. I have a right to voice my frustration with people saying disparaging things as people have a right to be frustrated with their hair. Thelma from Good Times was a style icon for women of my age, and I don't even get where that came from because her hair was always well kept and healthy looking.

    I did not demonize the OP, and in no way can my tone be construed as such. If you think that my tone was anywhere near harsh, then you need to re-evaluate what harsh is.

    I think a lot of people on this site are over the cry for help threads because the help is here if one takes the time to look at it. You don't know me or how easy my journey was or was not, and the OP doesn't need you running interference for her. You don't know what I know or don't know; you just know that me voicing my opinion (which I am entitled to do as long as it meets with the terms and conditions of this website) hit you in a soft spot which I am under no obligation to care about. I am perfectly in-bounds with questioning the OP's motives or if going natural is what she really wants to do because of the tone of her post. She also did not answer the questions another poster put to her who was also trying to help. So, I have to wonder if help is what she wants or if she wants someone to tell her it's OK not be natural, and it is OK. Where was the demonization or rudeness in that?
    4a/3c curls
    Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
    Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
    Team Wash and Go!
    iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • KeenyliciousKeenylicious Posts: 2,320Registered Users
    I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
    imager.php?id=2000907&t=o GIFSoup
    tumblr_lr2y4sUYNh1qb5gkjo1_250.gif
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users
    And might I add...I find the "cast of Roots" reference more offensive than Good Times. Seriously? Natural hair slave references? This is not the crowd to bring that to...it's not about people being "sensitive" or getting offended when people say they don't want their hair to look like xyz. Anyone with two licks of self worth would be offended by that...
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • kaybkayb Posts: 5,054Registered Users
    I'm beginning to get REALLY frustrated with transitioning... I'm not seriously considering the cream crack but then again this is beginning to take a toll on me & my self esteem. I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots.. I really need HELP! Someone to help me through this! PLEASE! PLEASE! Anyone!
    imager.php?id=2000907&t=o GIFSoup

    Oh gosh, that GIF!!! *dies*
    I ain't thirsty. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but I don't want all of them, can I have some standards? Or do we just have to settle, for someone's who meh and will do.
    "
  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users
    Yes, you should go back to relaxers and I'll tell you why.

    When you posted this a few days ago:
    I just want a pretty head of healthy curls..

    Btw... my parents are black but I have a lot of White & Native American in my family... (If that can be a determining factor

    Followed by the original post:
    I don't know what my curl pattern will be & lord knows I don't want to be walking around looking like Thelma or Florida off good times or the cast from roots..

    You're not ready. Not when you say your goal is healthy hair but I can already see that for you "healthy hair" has a certain look and it's not coils, zig zags, or springlets.

    You should sit down and reflect again on why you want to transition. There's no ledge anyone can talk you down from if you can't accept yourself. Are you truly willing to accept what Nature gave you? Maybe he gave you curls but maybe not. Are you okay with that?

    If you are, there is so much information here that will make your transition easier. If not, well...you already know what that option is.
    4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

    HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

    SL APL BSL MBL
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    sagehen wrote: »
    sagehen wrote: »
    Wow...first of all, Thelma's hair was always on point on Good Times. Even her afro puffs were cute. Florida's hair looked like it did because it was always picked out. There is no need to be insulting just because you are frustrated. Many people have hair that looks like you have described and accept/rock it just fine.

    Instead of worrying about what your hair WILL look like, concern yourself with what it looks like now. If you are transitioning, focus on styles that blend the textures and will last for several days and figure out how to stretch them. For example, twists, then a twist out, then a twist out updo. Or a roller set that will stretch your hair and make it a bit easier to work with. And then when you get finished transitioning, accept your hair and learn to work with it. Getting a routine down and some go-to styles / products that you know work for you will make things easier and raise your opinion of your hair.

    I know many women will throw stones at me, but why can't you flatiron it while you transition? This will cause some heat damage if not done properly, but you can limit the heat exposure and stretch out the time between straightening and minimize this.

    I am just throwing this out there, but why are you transitioning anyway? Have you considered just chopping off the relaxed ends? I know this is not an easy decision for many, but it will save you so much stress in the long run. Or is this (transitioning) even something you are committed to doing? Think about this for a bit and make your decision. You have to be committed to going natural regardless of what your hair will look like. If you are going to have conditions, I say just do what is best for your mental state.

    I think on this site we need to stop demonizing people who might find certain styles or examples of hair unattractive. I know that this site is all about promoting healthy hair and pride in our curls, but we have all seen examples of curls that we thought were unattractive, or people who need help with their curls and don't look so good because they don't have a routine down yet. I'm sure many of us, when we see those people or examples, think "I wouldn't wanna look like that! Or thank God I don't look like that!" There is a certain hair look, that I'm not going to describe because some people are way too sensitive, that I had a fear of looking like that kept me from transitioning. I can best, and most diplomatically, describe it as looking like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons.

    I totally agree with what you said about finding confidence and putting hair health first, but some of us on here need to realize that the journey is not so easy for all women. There are all types of emotional, personal, and cultural factors at hand that some women are more sensitive to than others, as well as comments from friends and family about their hair being "crazy, wild" or needed to be "corrected". I had an aunt, who had ruined her hair with constant cheap dye and wet brushing, who always called me "Electric Hair" cause she said it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket. Does it stick with me or am I hurt? No, and I don't think I was hurt then, but I am just trying to make the point that some of us on here need to stop freaking out every time someone mentions what they don't want to have to do with their hair, or who they don't want to look like. Not everyone is going to find the same types of looks, routine, or styles attractive.
    I think some people need to stop being so sensitive when people are speaking their minds. I have a right to voice my frustration with people saying disparaging things as people have a right to be frustrated with their hair. Thelma from Good Times was a style icon for women of my age, and I don't even get where that came from because her hair was always well kept and healthy looking.

    I did not demonize the OP, and in no way can my tone be construed as such. If you think that my tone was anywhere near harsh, then you need to re-evaluate what harsh is.

    I think a lot of people on this site are over the cry for help threads because the help is here if one takes the time to look at it. You don't know me or how easy my journey was or was not, and the OP doesn't need you running interference for her. You don't know what I know or don't know; you just know that me voicing my opinion (which I am entitled to do as long as it meets with the terms and conditions of this website) hit you in a soft spot which I am under no obligation to care about. I am perfectly in-bounds with questioning the OP's motives or if going natural is what she really wants to do because of the tone of her post. She also did not answer the questions another poster put to her who was also trying to help. So, I have to wonder if help is what she wants or if she wants someone to tell her it's OK not be natural, and it is OK. Where was the demonization or rudeness in that?

    I agree that we both have the right to voice our opinions. If mine supports the other poster, then we agree to disagree. It is not a personal attack on you, nor do you and I know each other's hair histories/journeys. I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

    I do agree with what a few basically said: if you don't feel that you can transition, then don't. Only until recently was I ready to take the plunge, and I'd been thinking about it for years. I hope it works out for me in the end. Seems to me there is a big "back to natural" movement right now, but if the OP isn't ready, then she isn't ready. Not to say that natural hair is a trend, as many have always wanted to be natural, but there have been stories in both print and visual media in the last few years encouraging natural hair and disparaging chemical straighteners. Actually, it seems those are marketed at black women, but for other ethnicities of women right now they seem to keep marketing keratin treatments to "tame the hair" and "be professional" "cut down on blow out time", etc.

    I can't recall having ever read any other posts from the OP, so I dunno why she does or doesn't want to grow her hair out. But if her hair looks okay to her and is manageable in it's relaxed or whatever state it's in (like I said haven't read her other posts) then I think she should stick with that until she feels ready to change.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • SailaSaila Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

    I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

    Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

    I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

    I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    Saila wrote: »
    I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

    I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

    Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

    I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

    I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.

    The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

    I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

    Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • Tuchie09Tuchie09 Posts: 388Registered Users
    ITA with everyone. OP, it sounds like you're frustrated because you're already worrying about what you're hair will look like. And no disrespect but I think what everyone is seeing is you wanting "good hair" and not wanting "bad hair". It was pretty transparent with the whole "I don't want to look like roots" comment.

    The way I can see it you can do one of two things. You can forget about texture (which isn't that important anyways, ask any "veteran" on this board) and just concentrate on keeping your hair healthy and accepting whatever will grow out of your head. Or you can just go back to relaxers. I use to be like you, as soon as I learned about the typing system I began obsessing over what my hair would look like, would it be curly because I had a Irish great grandmother, and a half Native American great grandfather, etc. Everything became so much easier when I stopped caring about that crap and started caring about the right things like porosity, what products work for my hair, what my hair likes, etc.

    Just out of curiosity what would happen if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida? Would that make you want to go back to relaxers, because if so that's another sign you should just go back to relaxers for now until you figure out what you want. Whatever you choose to do good luck!

    And I must find that gif from Keeny....
    Curly in Okinawa, Japan where only the toughest curls can stand up to this heat and humidity.

    My Arsenal:
    Shampoo: Waiting on SM African Black soap shampoo to makes its way to me...
    Conditioner(s): CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, Curl Junkie Smoothing Lotion
    Treatments: CJ Curl Rehab, CJ Deep Fix, CJ Repair Me!
    Oil: Apricot Kernel Oil
    Stylers: CD Loc Butter for twists, CJAF, CJCQ (haven't figured out how to work this though...)
  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    First of all, you won't know what your true texture is until you cut off all of your relaxed ends. Those ends tend to stretch and drag your hair down, so you may actually have tighter curls than you think. And to reiterate what some previous posters said, your OP implies that you are praying for "good" hair, which is offensive to a number of people on here, including me. To me, good hair is healthy hair regardless of its texture, not Mariah Carey's hair or somebody else with loose curls. Would it be so terrible if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida from Good Times? Because if that's what you think, then you aren't ready to go natural. You have to undergo a mental transformation when you go natural, not just a physical one.
    Fine haired, low density, highly porous curly kinky lady
    Last relaxer: Not sure. 3/08 or 4/08
    BC'd: 9/18/09
    Co-wash: Suave Naturals, HEHH, Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle, CJ Daily Fix
    Leave-In: KCKT, Giovanni Direct Leave-In, CJ Smoothing Lotion
    Stylers: ORS Twist and Loc Gel, KCCC, Ecostyler, SheaMoisture Deep Treatment Masque
    Deep Conditioner: DevaCurl Heaven In Hair, CJ Deep Fix

    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fconfessionsofladyv69.wordpress.com%2F" class="Popup
  • MirCurlsMirCurls Posts: 2,660Registered Users
    I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

    Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

    One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

    So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

    The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.

    I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

    It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural. :)

    I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

    And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

    Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer. :D
    3a3b
    Natural since 11/25/09
    Then: fine, superdry, non-elastic, porous
    Now: medium, dry, elastic, lower porosity, BSL

    Curl Junkie Conditions!
    Eden BW Cleansing Condish Rocks!

    ~CJ Protein Tx
    ; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
    ~SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
    Dumped clumps for VOLUME!

    Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • MirCurlsMirCurls Posts: 2,660Registered Users
    LadyV69 wrote: »
    First of all, you won't know what your true texture is until you cut off all of your relaxed ends. Those ends tend to stretch and drag your hair down, so you may actually have tighter curls than you think. And to reiterate what some previous posters said, your OP implies that you are praying for "good" hair, which is offensive to a number of people on here, including me. To me, good hair is healthy hair regardless of its texture, not Mariah Carey's hair or somebody else with loose curls. Would it be so terrible if you did have hair like Thelma or Florida from Good Times? Because if that's what you think, then you aren't ready to go natural. You have to undergo a mental transformation when you go natural, not just a physical one.

    I was a teen when that show as on, and I thought Thelma was supercute. And many gals I knew looked GREAT in afros. And what's bad about that hairstyle? I'm surprised more ladies don't opt for one these days. Seems lower maintenance, can look very neat and professional (depending on the length, cause, well, Angela Davis length can be intimidating!) I find something very retro-cool about afros.

    My first crush when I was 13 had one. He looked like Jermaine JAckson. Dang he was a high school hottie!

    Um, okay, all that to agree that dissing hair texture is not cool. Seeking solutions to get your hair where you want it, that's fine, but yeah, I grew up in a culture with ladies relaxing to get "white hair" and hating my frizzy texture.

    But this site and curly advice helped me fall in love again with my curls...cause I was natural from 1978 to 1982, then half natural most of the 80s and up to the late 90s, then went straightening mad for a phase.

    Is every day a great hair day? No. But I have a sister with what some would tag "good hair"--silky, shiny, straight with just a hint of bouncy wave, fine, soft--and she's always trying to get it curly! We all want something on the horizon hair-wise!

    I hope you find a way to enjoy and maximize the beauty of your own texture. It took me 5 to 6 months to really get a lot of pleasure from my natural hair, and almost year to get enough new, undamaged growth that it was shinier, more resilient and elastic, and really pretty. And the length that my face/neck/etc needed.

    Give it time and good care. It will respond.
    3a3b
    Natural since 11/25/09
    Then: fine, superdry, non-elastic, porous
    Now: medium, dry, elastic, lower porosity, BSL

    Curl Junkie Conditions!
    Eden BW Cleansing Condish Rocks!

    ~CJ Protein Tx
    ; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
    ~SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
    Dumped clumps for VOLUME!

    Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    MirCurls wrote: »
    I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

    Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

    One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

    So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

    The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.

    I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

    It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural. :)

    I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

    And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

    Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer. :D


    The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

    When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time :( bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

    My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

    I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

    My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users
    leslie, just a note, you will feel more comfortable in your journey when you stop comparing your hair to others. Some people have setbacks, some BC again, etc...there are plenty of reasons to be natural for x amount of years and still have "short" hair. Some never looks long due to shrinkage - there are some ladies who have ear length hair curly and waist length hair straight. These things should not matter to you. Focus on yourself and you will be a lot happier. When I first went natural, I was SO anxious to see how my hair would look longer, so I was always asking for pics of hair longer than mine from ppl whose hair looked similar. I basically was trying to place their hair with my face to see what it would look like - then I realized that even if our hair looks similar, due to other characteristics of hair, mine probably won't look just like theirs, so it was pointless to keep trying to "predict" my "grown up" hair. So then I just decided to focus on my health and hair in order to grow the best head of hair I am able to.
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • MirCurlsMirCurls Posts: 2,660Registered Users
    MirCurls wrote: »
    I dunno if this helps or not, but I just decided to start transitioning earlier this month, but due to the intervals of my relaxers I am already technically six months into my transition.

    Anyway, it sounds like we have much different hair. But to the part that might help:

    One of my biggest challenges is all the compliments that I get when my hair has been straightened. For the past year I never flat ironed my hair, and was only straight post a relaxer, or going to get a hair cut. One time I got it cut after work prior to the union Christmas party, and I show up and this one guy I work with all the time was "Your hair looks really nice". Today it was straight (had a haircut yesterday) and I think looking like crap cause I accidentally had the lady overdo it with the heat protectant and my nephew (who once basically told me that I was too ugly to live) said "your hair looks nice!". Come to think of it, another male coworker also told me that my hair looked nice after the December haircut, and it was nothing special-- a few days later, just straight and the sides pulled back in bobby pins. My brother also told me yesterday that my hair looked nice.

    So yeah I think to myself, what do I look UNATTRACTIVE with curly hair? Lots of women that I know tell me that they like my hair better curly, but men always tell me it looks nice when it's straight. Not to mention that my best friend (now also transitioning) told me once that I look 30 something when my hair is curly, and 25 when it is straight.

    The point is, just try to ignore the pressures and do what is healthy for your hair. I think if we all did a little more to rock our style (general style) we'd look great no matter what. I for one am a lazy woman who rarely wears makeup and buys new clothes, and am just now getting back into exercise. I think those things bear just as much on our appearance as hair, maybe more.

    I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

    It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural. :)

    I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

    And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

    Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer. :D


    The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

    When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time :( bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

    My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

    I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

    My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.


    I am very glad that I took A LOT of pics (which I normally didn't do of me, as I'm not THAT fond of how I look, especially not when I was morbidly obese, which I was until the end of last year, as I've been losing a lot of weight since last summer) of my face and hair when I started the CG journey, cause I realize that being VERY FAT and FIFTY-ONE years old...I need FOUR things to look younger/more attractive when it comes to my hair (be it curly or straight, but especially curly):

    1. cover my grays, richen up my natural color
    2. Have hair ON my face in some way...not pulled straight back away or mostly away
    3. Have some crown/bang height and some "fall-over" (by fall-over, I mean like shorter layers around my forehead and temple that are not, strictly speaking, bangs, but hair that lifts up and falls gently over to hit at at my cheekbone or around there.
    4. Fullness (as much as my thinning, aging hair could manage, given it tends to fall out from time to time due to hypothyroidism). I stopped going for clumps and roughly diffuse to make my hair "airy" to give more fullness to match my FULL body. I don't think very heavy gals (like me) look good with close to the head hair unless they have insane bone structure (which I do not).

    For some reason, those were the magic four that took away the tired old look. I always get compliments when color is fresh, hair is fuller, has a bit of height (I can't get much with natural curls and some clumps, so I use a tad of hairspray at the roots), and I get that semi-bangs/fallover effect. Always. I get people say, "No, seriously, you can't be 51!"

    I laughed at the Pilates studio last week cause this young cutie girl was staring at me and said it like 4 times, "You are so NOT 51!" Funny.

    I can see the age in my face when I'm tired. And the fat when the hair is AWAY from the face and neck...but those are my tips if you have issues with curl and overweight. Some height. Some fullness. Some hair on face (to lessen the roundness). Good color. And, if possible and it suits your body shape/face shape..length.

    But I'm not 300 lbs anymore. At 215, my face is slimmer. Still the rules apply...

    Here are examples of the height I can get (like I said, not MUCH, cause longer hair, even layered, weighs more; but it still makes a huge difference) and the "fallover" layers that disguise a fatter face:

    All but the last one were taken this year. Most are second day hair. :) Loving my Spiral Solutions this year. The last one was me last summer at 260+ pounds. The most recent was March 19 of this year (the one in the flowered shirt with the fresh green tree behind me all windblown at an outdoor festival, hence the disheveled look). I'm 216 lbs there. So you know I'm OBESE and have been seriously and morbidly obese since I joined this board! But always, as long as there is hair on my neck and around the cheeks, my face doesn't look as fat as it really is (nor my neck/shoulders). Helps...
    3a3b
    Natural since 11/25/09
    Then: fine, superdry, non-elastic, porous
    Now: medium, dry, elastic, lower porosity, BSL

    Curl Junkie Conditions!
    Eden BW Cleansing Condish Rocks!

    ~CJ Protein Tx
    ; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
    ~SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
    Dumped clumps for VOLUME!

    Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • KeenyliciousKeenylicious Posts: 2,320Registered Users
    Saila wrote: »
    I just feel that on this site there is a tendency for anyone who might comment on "looks that they hope they never have!" to be jumped on. (I know we've all have some of those) I just don't want to see someone feel so attacked that they flee the site and never get to the help, because then if they do take the leap of faith that it takes for some women to grow their hair out, they may feel "everyone there hates me or is mean" and then they may not come back.

    I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

    Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

    I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

    I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.

    The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

    I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

    Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

    she stated that she doesnt know what her 'texture' is, then stated that she didnt want hair that looked like someone who's hair is very well kept... in that context, i don't think that it's too crazy to assume that she has a problem with that hair type, as opposed to the way it is being taken care of. that is very offensive.

    your opinion of sideshow bob's hair (which i happen to think is awesome) and *what i interpreted to be* her opinion of thelma's hair aren't the same IMO, b/c you're referring to a style, and she's referring to the nature of the hair.
    tumblr_lr2y4sUYNh1qb5gkjo1_250.gif
  • 3c4d7zwhatevs3c4d7zwhatevs Posts: 1,589Registered Users
    Saila wrote: »

    I'm sorry, what are you taking about? This is a huge assumption on your part. While I sincerely appreciate your efforts to include the newcomers with kindness, I wholeheartedly disagree with the bolded.

    Of course there is a tendency to "jump" on those that possibly hate their natural hair texture. This site is called naturallycurly and those individuals are attacking (or being afraid of, or insulting) natural hair textures. Of course there is a Relax/Straight and a Transitioning section, but natural hair is the bread and butter around these parts.

    I am most disturbed by the underlined. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Honestly. I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, I seriously don't understand what you are implying by that. Is everyone supposed to be terrified of a certain hair type or texture or property?

    I can't speak for anyone else, but if I have healthy hair and I know how to take care of it, I'm happy. I've seen gorgeous hair from 1a-4b that I drool over. I don't fully understand what you're saying, but I know that "we all" certainly don't feel that way.

    The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

    I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

    Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

    she stated that she doesnt know what her 'texture' is, then stated that she didnt want hair that looked like someone who's hair is very well kept... in that context, i don't think that it's too crazy to assume that she has a problem with that hair type, as opposed to the way it is being taken care of. that is very offensive.

    your opinion of sideshow bob's hair (which i happen to think is awesome) and *what i interpreted to be* her opinion of thelma's hair aren't the same IMO, b/c you're referring to a style, and she's referring to the nature of the hair.
    +1 on everything Keeny said. And, I am styling Sideshow Bob today in my corporate job.

    The OP's ignorant comments show her age, and that why I let her know they were insulting. That is giving her a break. How do you expect young people to learn and grow without someone older letting them know when they step wrong?
    4a/3c curls
    Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
    Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
    Team Wash and Go!
    iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
  • SailaSaila Posts: 1,212Registered Users

    The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

    I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

    Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

    All of those symptoms you listed are very easily remedied, so why would that be something I would be "afraid" of? I assumed you were referring to textures since those aren't easily altered.

    Again, you're making assumptions that are not true. They may be true for you, but you can't speak for everyone like that. I have never in my life looked at another woman's hair and been like "THANK GOD THAT ISN'T MY HAIR!" If I see someone's hair that looks poorly styled, damaged, breaking, etc., I just think "wow, that hair is a hot mess" and keep it moving. I don't really ever think twice about other people's hair. Honestly. I think Elle hit the nail on the head with her note on comparing your hair to others.

    I am also a teenager. Granted, she may be 13 and I'm 19. At any rate, I would say everything I've said here to a 13 year old. It's not about cutting slack or being mean. It is what it is. :dontknow:
  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users
    MirCurls wrote: »
    MirCurls wrote: »

    I always got compliments--straight or curly--but I got more compliments when my hair was/is LONGER. When I was first CGing it, hair looked shorter cause the curl shrank it. Within a year, it was back to being long and the compliments poured in again. I think, as my hairdresser has always said to me whenever I was tempted to cut it, that longer hair suited me. Period. It wasn't that straight suited me MORE (I get more compliments from total strangers all about town with my curls than with my blown-out hair, which looked great, too, frankly), it was that LONG suited me, so once my curls got LONG, then I really more compliments.

    It's longer and it's healthier and, on days when I don't overdo it with product (I still can go a bit overboard and my fine hair will look producty if I do), my hair gets many compliments and looks and I like it fine. My husband says something nice about my curls just about every day and he likes to touch them. So, he's a happy camper I went natural. :)

    I think the thing is to find the SHAPE and LENGTH type of cuts/styles/arrangements that suit your face/body. Then, when hair is healthy, no matter the texture, it will garner compliments.

    And men like LONG hair. Period. Most do. Surveys show it. So, the compliments when you straighten may have more to do with it looking LONGER (and longer looks younger, generally, too).

    Men like long hair. Long hair looks younger (usually, not if it just drags the face down, depends on style). So....the key may not be curly or straight...but appealingly styled and longer. :D


    The time that my friend said the age I looked with my hair, I said (out loud), do you think this hair would still make me look that old if it was longer? I hate to say it, but I am overweight, and while I don't think flat hair accentuates a fat face, curls that are not long don't always help either.

    When I got cut the other day, I was willing to go shorter if needed for the chance to try a new look, and definitely when my CJ shampoo comes in the mail I'll get to see that my hair does look kinda short again (had to cut off very split ends from tangling). My goal is eventually long natural hair, and my hair does always looks pretty long when straight, but I want it to look long CURLY. The only pain about long hair looking cuter is that for someone women long hair takes time :( bah. I'm concerned more and more about eliminating tangles (I've found that water on the hair every/almost every day works great for moisture and tangles for me) in the hopes that I can finally retain REAL length! (The minute people would say "oh wow it's gotten so long!" that would be time for me to snip off split ends urgh!) Ha, one time I was standing against the opened door at work greeting students as they came in, and I was like "what's that s*** stuck behind my back?" then I realized it was my hair! (of course it was flat ironed that day, as I often did for work, until the past year)

    My boss who has long dreadlocks said to me if I really want to get my hair long, to stop relaxing it. I think another woman on here mentioned this too. At those times I was not ready to stop, but I am transitioning now, and I just hope their comments live up to the promise.

    I know I will get some flack for this, but another thing that made me afraid was when I read some peoples' hair timelines on here and in their blogs, and they BCed or went natural years ago and some of them have hair that I consider to be really short. Granted some of them may have cut their hair, but from the general idea of their blogs/signatures it doesn't look like that they have. Then I think to myself "You chopped way back in _______________, and that's ALL the hair that you have?!?!?!?" and I worry that that will be me. So I'm hoping for now that my two textures continue to play nice.

    My hairline has gotten wet and I have no desire to touch up at home with the flat iron, so right now my natural hair looks dry and distinct from the rest of my hair. But when I do my own wet styling it all looks pretty good together, and I even think I like my natural hair better.


    I am very glad that I took A LOT of pics (which I normally didn't do of me, as I'm not THAT fond of how I look, especially not when I was morbidly obese, which I was until the end of last year, as I've been losing a lot of weight since last summer) of my face and hair when I started the CG journey, cause I realize that being VERY FAT and FIFTY-ONE years old...I need FOUR things to look younger/more attractive when it comes to my hair (be it curly or straight, but especially curly):

    1. cover my grays, richen up my natural color
    2. Have hair ON my face in some way...not pulled straight back away or mostly away
    3. Have some crown/bang height and some "fall-over" (by fall-over, I mean like shorter layers around my forehead and temple that are not, strictly speaking, bangs, but hair that lifts up and falls gently over to hit at at my cheekbone or around there.
    4. Fullness (as much as my thinning, aging hair could manage, given it tends to fall out from time to time due to hypothyroidism). I stopped going for clumps and roughly diffuse to make my hair "airy" to give more fullness to match my FULL body. I don't think very heavy gals (like me) look good with close to the head hair unless they have insane bone structure (which I do not).

    For some reason, those were the magic four that took away the tired old look. I always get compliments when color is fresh, hair is fuller, has a bit of height (I can't get much with natural curls and some clumps, so I use a tad of hairspray at the roots), and I get that semi-bangs/fallover effect. Always. I get people say, "No, seriously, you can't be 51!"

    I laughed at the Pilates studio last week cause this young cutie girl was staring at me and said it like 4 times, "You are so NOT 51!" Funny.

    I can see the age in my face when I'm tired. And the fat when the hair is AWAY from the face and neck...but those are my tips if you have issues with curl and overweight. Some height. Some fullness. Some hair on face (to lessen the roundness). Good color. And, if possible and it suits your body shape/face shape..length.

    But I'm not 300 lbs anymore. At 215, my face is slimmer. Still the rules apply...

    Here are examples of the height I can get (like I said, not MUCH, cause longer hair, even layered, weighs more; but it still makes a huge difference) and the "fallover" layers that disguise a fatter face:

    All but the last one were taken this year. Most are second day hair. :) Loving my Spiral Solutions this year. The last one was me last summer at 260+ pounds. The most recent was March 19 of this year (the one in the flowered shirt with the fresh green tree behind me all windblown at an outdoor festival, hence the disheveled look). I'm 216 lbs there. So you know I'm OBESE and have been seriously and morbidly obese since I joined this board! But always, as long as there is hair on my neck and around the cheeks, my face doesn't look as fat as it really is (nor my neck/shoulders). Helps...


    Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.
    4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

    HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

    SL APL BSL MBL
  • MirCurlsMirCurls Posts: 2,660Registered Users


    Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.

    Thanks queen!

    I diffuse dry upside down til 70 or more % dry. Then I use clips til mostly dry or fully dry. I often use the SMaster's method, though lately not so much. I don't apply the second level of gel or dry completely--hair doesn't seem to need second layer of gel.

    I still use octopus clips (I had more than one thread discussing it and pics in my fotki albums). I use 3 to 6, depending on how lazy I feel. I use the large (but not jumbo) ones (though my hair is fine, so they can slip off if not anchored well). I put one right up front. Then 2 to 3 to do the sides and back. I let it hold the hair up a bit to get air in there. Bunched up a bit so I goet some lift. Not a lot, but enough to not look utterly FLAT.

    When hair is almost dry or dry and I remove clips, I then spray some hair spray on my fingertips and push them in to get the little bit of a bump UP and fallover for the shorter layers. (My stylist purposely cuts them shorter on one side to give the fallover I like.)

    Dat's it. On second and third day hair, I stick whatever gel I'm using on the roots at the crown with moist finger, reclip for a spell, while I dress or put on makeup, and then finish with more fingertips with hairspray to give a bit of hold (or my short layers will go right into my eyes!)

    HTH...

    Oh, and sleeping with a pineapple helps a lot. I wake up with height from the pineapple being right at my roots. :D I use a pineapple when I do Pilates/exercise at home, that way whenI perspire, it just keeps the roots HIGHER, so when I head home, I don't look like a total dork. :D Some days, it' can look BETTER than when I arrived, cause the pineapple reasserted the lift, like this example of second day hair AFTER my workout session (trainer takes regular pics for body progress shot, and this was last Thursday):
    3a3b
    Natural since 11/25/09
    Then: fine, superdry, non-elastic, porous
    Now: medium, dry, elastic, lower porosity, BSL

    Curl Junkie Conditions!
    Eden BW Cleansing Condish Rocks!

    ~CJ Protein Tx
    ; BEE-U-Ti-Ful Deep Condish
    ~SMasters Method; Pixie-curling
    Dumped clumps for VOLUME!

    Marchioness Mir, Magister of Moisturization & Mystic of the Lofty Crown in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Posts: 5,400Registered Users
    It does help. Thanks! :D
    4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

    HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

    SL APL BSL MBL
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    leslie, just a note, you will feel more comfortable in your journey when you stop comparing your hair to others. Some people have setbacks, some BC again, etc...there are plenty of reasons to be natural for x amount of years and still have "short" hair. Some never looks long due to shrinkage - there are some ladies who have ear length hair curly and waist length hair straight. These things should not matter to you. Focus on yourself and you will be a lot happier. When I first went natural, I was SO anxious to see how my hair would look longer, so I was always asking for pics of hair longer than mine from ppl whose hair looked similar. I basically was trying to place their hair with my face to see what it would look like - then I realized that even if our hair looks similar, due to other characteristics of hair, mine probably won't look just like theirs, so it was pointless to keep trying to "predict" my "grown up" hair. So then I just decided to focus on my health and hair in order to grow the best head of hair I am able to.

    Great points, mentally I agree with you 100%, but emotionally it is going to take some time for me to get there. I am terrified of shrinkage. I also have a preference for long hair. I hope as time goes on I can chill out. This is a big change (in some ways I've eased into it by wearing a curly look for a long time) so I'm sure it will get easier, but gradually.

    I'm anxious for my curly hair to look good cause I'd gotten to the point where I felt like my straight hair didn't look good at all, so if my curly hair doesn't look good, I'm up s*** creek.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    MirCurls wrote: »


    Very nice, Mir! How are you acheiving height at the crown? I've been working with clips but without success.

    Thanks queen!

    I diffuse dry upside down til 70 or more % dry. Then I use clips til mostly dry or fully dry. I often use the SMaster's method, though lately not so much. I don't apply the second level of gel or dry completely--hair doesn't seem to need second layer of gel.

    I still use octopus clips (I had more than one thread discussing it and pics in my fotki albums). I use 3 to 6, depending on how lazy I feel. I use the large (but not jumbo) ones (though my hair is fine, so they can slip off if not anchored well). I put one right up front. Then 2 to 3 to do the sides and back. I let it hold the hair up a bit to get air in there. Bunched up a bit so I goet some lift. Not a lot, but enough to not look utterly FLAT.

    When hair is almost dry or dry and I remove clips, I then spray some hair spray on my fingertips and push them in to get the little bit of a bump UP and fallover for the shorter layers. (My stylist purposely cuts them shorter on one side to give the fallover I like.)

    Dat's it. On second and third day hair, I stick whatever gel I'm using on the roots at the crown with moist finger, reclip for a spell, while I dress or put on makeup, and then finish with more fingertips with hairspray to give a bit of hold (or my short layers will go right into my eyes!)

    HTH...

    Oh, and sleeping with a pineapple helps a lot. I wake up with height from the pineapple being right at my roots. :D I use a pineapple when I do Pilates/exercise at home, that way whenI perspire, it just keeps the roots HIGHER, so when I head home, I don't look like a total dork. :D Some days, it' can look BETTER than when I arrived, cause the pineapple reasserted the lift, like this example of second day hair AFTER my workout session (trainer takes regular pics for body progress shot, and this was last Thursday):


    Thanks Mir, I'll read up more on your hairstyles and pics tomorrow when I have some time :)
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • lesliegonnacurllesliegonnacurl Posts: 478Registered Users
    Saila wrote: »

    The "we've all seen some of those" doesn't refer to one specific type. It refers to our individual interpretations of hair that looks bad. Usually it is someone within our own type. Just like there is gorgeous hair from 1-4, there is hair from 1-4 that needs help! It can be anything, examples, "too much gel, bad dye job, stringy, greasy, uncontrolled frizz, dry, over sprayed, how long is she going to try to keep that style up? It's time to re do it!"--no need to read too much into it. I think no one here is immune from having judged another woman's hair, or being glad that theirs is better cared for than hers.

    I don't think the OP meant to attack or insult anyone, but like you said, against the nature of the site, it may have undoubtedly insulted some others. I think we just need to consider her intent that's all.

    Also, I went back and read one of her old post that another posted quoted, and it was in the "Curly Teens" section. So she is still a teenager, so cut the girl some slack. I work with teenagers everyday and they say a lot of stuff that they don't realize how it effects other people.

    All of those symptoms you listed are very easily remedied, so why would that be something I would be "afraid" of? I assumed you were referring to textures since those aren't easily altered.

    Again, you're making assumptions that are not true. They may be true for you, but you can't speak for everyone like that. I have never in my life looked at another woman's hair and been like "THANK GOD THAT ISN'T MY HAIR!" If I see someone's hair that looks poorly styled, damaged, breaking, etc., I just think "wow, that hair is a hot mess" and keep it moving. I don't really ever think twice about other people's hair. Honestly. I think Elle hit the nail on the head with her note on comparing your hair to others.

    I am also a teenager. Granted, she may be 13 and I'm 19. At any rate, I would say everything I've said here to a 13 year old. It's not about cutting slack or being mean. It is what it is. :dontknow:

    I'm not above admitting that I've said "Thank God that isn't my hair!" about some people. Or "ewwwwww" at some hair, or even worse. Perhaps everyone on here hasn't felt that way, but I'm sure a zillion women have. So if you and some others on here don't think that way, then good for you. There's probably a ton of people on here who think things that they don't say because they want to avoid arguments. I guess I don't care so much. Of course, none of my opinions exist to intentionally hurt any one's feelings on here. If this kid thinks that certain styles or hair types are ugly, I hope no one takes too much offense to her statements, because it's a waste of their emotions to worry what she thinks if they feel happy with and confident in themselves, and/or if they admire the looks and types that she doesn't like.
    Mostly relaxed, yet still curly hair, which I am going to try to grow out with daily conditioner rinses and a shampoo once or twice a week.

    Officially Transitioning since March 2011.
    Last Relaxer September 2010

    Got some kind of curly bangs going here! And I think my bangs are all natural!

    I think that my natural hair is somewhere between a 3b and a 3c, I hope it's not too soon to tell! :blob4:
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users

    Great points, mentally I agree with you 100%, but emotionally it is going to take some time for me to get there. I am terrified of shrinkage. I also have a preference for long hair. I hope as time goes on I can chill out. This is a big change (in some ways I've eased into it by wearing a curly look for a long time) so I'm sure it will get easier, but gradually.

    I'm anxious for my curly hair to look good cause I'd gotten to the point where I felt like my straight hair didn't look good at all, so if my curly hair doesn't look good, I'm up s*** creek.

    Well, IME, all hair looks good when it is properly cared for, whether it is curly, wavy, kinky, or straight. Concentrate less on how your hair looks and more on its health. I think one of the biggest issues people have with their natural hair is that they attempt to have it look a certain way, and sometimes, that's just not happening. In turn, their hair suffers and they have setbacks. It's a never ending cycle of disappointment. I also have a preference for long hair (at the moment), but I concentrate on keeping my hair in good shape so it will grow to be long, and I won't have to cut it. I am only about a third of the way to my goal, but I am happy that my efforts have me moving in the right direction. Be patient. Of course I have my days where I'm like, "F*^k you hair, JUST GROW!!!!" but then I check myself because I mean shoot, this time last year I had about 3 inches of hair.
    I'm not above admitting that I've said "Thank God that isn't my hair!" about some people. Or "ewwwwww" at some hair, or even worse. Perhaps everyone on here hasn't felt that way, but I'm sure a zillion women have. So if you and some others on here don't think that way, then good for you. There's probably a ton of people on here who think things that they don't say because they want to avoid arguments. I guess I don't care so much. Of course, none of my opinions exist to intentionally hurt any one's feelings on here. If this kid thinks that certain styles or hair types are ugly, I hope no one takes too much offense to her statements, because it's a waste of their emotions to worry what she thinks if they feel happy with and confident in themselves, and/or if they admire the looks and types that she doesn't like.

    Naw. Apologies for the bluntness, but...naw. Some things are common sense, and some things should be kept to yourself. It's not always about saying something offensive and then people only get upset if they secretly have issues. Would I walk into a room full of overweight women and start going on about how I'm terrified of getting fat? Would that even make sense?! Sure, she can say that she doesn't want to have a certain type of hair, but um, a natural hair site isn't really the outlet for those opinions. No one is getting all emotional and crying at what she said, but yes, a teenager is old enough to be told that her words are not acceptable to certain audiences. Am I personally offended? No. My hair doesn't even look like the type of hair she described - but even if it doesn't, I have enough common sense to let her know relaying things like that aren't gonna fly, and they shouldn't.
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
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    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
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