CurlTalk

Pregunta: How to respond to compliments

Tuchie09Tuchie09 Posts: 388Registered Users
Tuesday was wash day, and on Wednesday before I went to school I re-twisted my hair into two strand twists, so my hair was in clean, conditioned, neat twists so it looked great. I was walking into Pizza Hut and as I was headed for the line I saw a woman looking at me and when I got in line she said "I love your hair!" and I said "Thank you" politely and that was it.

You're probably thinking "WTF...that's a good thing" and I know it's good, I'm glad that I get compliments on my hair but I just don't know how to respond sometimes. Do I just say "Thank you" and move on or compliment back? I feel like if a woman compliments my hair it has to be tit for tat, especially if she is natural. Sometimes fellow naturals compliment my hair because they just BCed and want reassurance for themselves. So they go on and on about my hair and say negative things about theirs so I feel guilted into complimenting them. I love helping out fellow naturals but I hate when women do that, asking for tips is fine but don't put your hair down and throw a mini pity party. My sister said don't return the compliment unless you honestly like their hair, don't be fake. So sometimes I don't like their hair; doesn't matter if they're relaxed or natural or what type/texture, maybe their not taking care of it properly and it looks a mess, so I don't return the hair compliment and they look at me like I'm smug or I think I'm "all that".

In case of the lady at Pizza Hut, I looked at her hair and she was relaxed with some micro braids and since I don't think relaxed hair is pretty I didn't return the compliment and when she realized I wasn't going to say anything back she looked away like "OK don't be rude".

Maybe it's just me but when I compliment someone I could care less if they return it or not, I feel a compliment should be one way and the giver should not be fishing for compliments. When I compliment a natural's hair I do it and go on about my day. But if it's the other way around and I don't return it I'm rude, smug or think me and my hair are all that. If I return it I only want to do it if it's genuine not because someone guilts me into it by praising my hair and putting down theirs. Does anyone else deal with this [weird] battle within their heads or am I the only one?
Curly in Okinawa, Japan where only the toughest curls can stand up to this heat and humidity.

My Arsenal:
Shampoo: Waiting on SM African Black soap shampoo to makes its way to me...
Conditioner(s): CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, Curl Junkie Smoothing Lotion
Treatments: CJ Curl Rehab, CJ Deep Fix, CJ Repair Me!
Oil: Apricot Kernel Oil
Stylers: CD Loc Butter for twists, CJAF, CJCQ (haven't figured out how to work this though...)

Comments

  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users
    LOL...can I laugh at this? I guess it depends on the kind of person you are...I don't give out disingenuous compliments, so if I don't have a compliment to give, I just say "Thank you."
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
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  • AmberBrownAmberBrown Posts: 1,072Registered Users
    Ok, I feel your "pain" lol. I always want to return compliments, but like Elle I can't make myself lie about it you know? So I search frantically for something I like about the other person...it may have nothing to do with their hair. I've done shoes, dress, I've even complimented the other person for complimenting me! lol (like: wow! That really made my day, I wasn't too sure abt this style...thanks for commenting).

    Compliments usually aren't too bad for me though...there aren't too many people around that don't have anything positive for me to comment on. What gets me are the: I wish I had your hair! exclamations. Like...um, ok. I'll let you know when I'm done using it? Wtf? lol
  • Tuchie09Tuchie09 Posts: 388Registered Users
    @Elle - lol go ahead and laugh! I know I'm silly!

    @Amber- I know that's why I don't want to feel like I have to compliment people because I cannot lie for anything. If i lie it's instantly known I'm being fake so it has to be genuine.

    I guess I'll only do it if I mean it and I'll just deal with the death glares from women if I don't return it.
    Curly in Okinawa, Japan where only the toughest curls can stand up to this heat and humidity.

    My Arsenal:
    Shampoo: Waiting on SM African Black soap shampoo to makes its way to me...
    Conditioner(s): CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, Curl Junkie Smoothing Lotion
    Treatments: CJ Curl Rehab, CJ Deep Fix, CJ Repair Me!
    Oil: Apricot Kernel Oil
    Stylers: CD Loc Butter for twists, CJAF, CJCQ (haven't figured out how to work this though...)
  • dopebydesigndopebydesign Posts: 21Registered Users
    Try giving one a day. Then when you get one, it won't feel so weird. Also, just tell the person that you appreciate their comment and to have a good day (unless you can find something good to compliment them back with)
  • B-Nessa11B-Nessa11 Posts: 1,050Registered Users
    I agree with you. I wouldn't lie and compliment someone if I dont like something. I'm actually surprised when I get compliments on my hair so I usually haven't looked at the person enough to say anything back BUT thank you lol. If they think ur being rude oh well. I rather be rude than fake (lol, that sounds a little bad, but it's kinda true!!)
    Who's My Hair?
    3c/4a-b looking stuff lol
    BC- May 16, 2010
    Why I chopped: heat damage/breakage
    Luv'd my permed hair I just didnt take care of it.
    LUVVV my natural hair!!! :iconbiggrin:
  • FronomenalFronomenal Posts: 712Registered Users
    ellepixie wrote: »
    I guess it depends on the kind of person you are...I don't give out disingenuous compliments, so if I don't have a compliment to give, I just say "Thank you."
    ^^This. :afro:
    Big Chop: 12/15/08

    Shampoo: As I Am Curl Clarity Shampoo
    Conditioner: As I Am Hydration Elation Intensive Conditioner &
    Tresemme Botanique Nourish and Replenish Conditioner
    Leave-In Conditioner: As I Am Leave-In Conditioner & Alba Botanica Leave-In Conditioner
    Moisturizer: As I Am DoubleButter Cream Rich Daily Moisturizer
    Oils/Butters: Coconut Oil & Castor Oil
    Gels: Eco Styler Krystal Gel


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  • Alice_42 Alice_42 Posts: 791Registered Users
    I never give compliments unless I truly mean it so my response is "thank you" with a big smile.
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    Last relaxer: August 2008
    Big Chop: December 2008/January 2009
    Blog: Alice in Nappyland
  • koolkurlskoolkurls Posts: 26Registered Users
    When a person tells me they love my hair I respond "thank you, she can be a handfull at times but I love her too."