How do you Forgive others and Let Go (also a grief post)??

aries3_04aries3_04 Posts: 4Registered Users
Hey everyone-

I have a hard time forgiving people. Especially recently - my mom passed away 5 months ago from terminal illness and I expected some people (e.g. roommate, co-workers) to give condolences -- which didn't happen. I was a bit hurt when these same folks were somewhat insensitive...giving me extra work while I was going home every weekend to take care of her and knew how bad things were. Admittedly I've felt upset that they are in their own worlds – mad that there’s no/very little understanding…

I know that was a while ago now, but I still feel a bit of resentment. I didn't know how to express it at the time, and now I feel like I'm stubborn and holding grudges that shouldn't be there. I want to shake it off, but it's easier said than done.
With that said, how do you forgive others and let go of things that people have (not intentionally) done to you?
"If you can't love yourself, how the **** ya gonna love anybody else, can I get an Amen?" -RuPaul

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Comments

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I would have expected a roommate to be more sensitive, but not the coworkers or your job. I learned the hard way when my father passed away. I went on vacation to spend father's day with my dad and he died that day. I had to take an extra 3 days off from my vacation for the funeral. Not only did no one talk to me when I got back, but I found out that I didn't meet my goal for the month, because of the extra time I took off. I was the highest goaler in my department.

    I was very resentful at the time, but I learned that a job is a job and not to expect anything from it or from the people there.

    I'm sorry about your mom. (((HUGS))) Lean on your friends and family.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I am so, so sorry to hear about your mom.

    My dad died when I was in high school and I was extremely disappointed by how my friends acted (or didn't act.) It actually strained a few of my close friendships for a while.

    I also had two very close cousins who missed my dad's wake and then didn't go to the funeral because they had tickets for a hockey game. They've been to a million hockey games. I was hurt that they weren't there for us that day and hurt that their mom didn't force them to go.

    I realized that a lot of people just don't know how to deal with death and it's so easy to just ignore other people's. It made me VERY sensitive and I always make sure to acknowledge other people's losses because I know how much it hurts when nobody does.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,231Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'm sending (((hugs))) in sympathy about your mom. I have a very hard time forgiving people for anything. I think I expect too much and the hurt lingers. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
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  • Butterfly_CurlzButterfly_Curlz Posts: 955Registered Users
    I think you take this time & energy and focus on you. Period. You said yourself that your co-workers actions were not intentional and I'm sure they were not.

    As another poster said sometimes work is just that (unfortunately). Depending on the type of work you do, the stress level could be extremely high & while you may have been willing to share what was going on in your life everyone else may not have been. So while you are going through a tough time right now please know that none of us truly knows whats going on w/our friends, co-workers, family etc. at all times and this may be the reason behind their lack of perceived insincerity. When in actuality they may just be so caught up in their own issues in or outside of work that they did not or could not acknowledge your grief.

    Plus I believe grief is such a personal issue. I personally hate when someone in my family passes and people want to hug, hold, or attempt to console me. It may be beneficial for others but for me it makes things worse. I need to process on my own & then if I want to discuss things I will reach out. I do realize that everyone is not like me but I also know that there are many people who are so I try to be respectful w/out prying. I do at least give a condolence card & if the person wishes to reach out they can. I do believe your roommate & co-workers could have at least done that though.

    However there is no point in putting negative energy and time into what someone else did or did not do. I say hold onto the people and loved ones who you know will be there for you and forget about the others.

    I am sooo sorry about your loss & know it truly does get easier in time.
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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    You know what has worked for me?
    When I stopped having certain expectations b/c all I was doing was getting disappointed over & over & over.
    When I realized this, it def made my life easier.
    (((hugs))) & I'm sorry about your circumstances.
    We are always here to lend an ear....
  • kat180kat180 Posts: 6,280Registered Users Curl Novice
    First of all - Im really sorry about your mum :(

    When my Gran died - all my friends at school knew but the next day when I came in they basically all just ignored me/speaking to me directly and were very awkward around me. Only one friend came up and checked I was ok (and I was) and acted normally around me. Sometimes - it can be very difficult/awkward to know how to react/help a friend under those circumstances.

    Everyone deals differently - I personally would have hated all them crowding around me asking me over and over if I was ok anyway. But its hard to judge whether a person needs you there, or if someone deals best by focusing on other things. Im sorry your roommate didn't acknowledge it though - especially if you were close.

    With work - not everyone knows whats going on in everyone's lives - people very often get caught up in their own commitments/problems. Its not intentional I think, just human.
  • aries3_04aries3_04 Posts: 4Registered Users
    Thanks so much everyone for all the advice!! Sending hugs back :)
    "If you can't love yourself, how the **** ya gonna love anybody else, can I get an Amen?" -RuPaul

    Type 4 = FABULOUS!
    BC 2-28-10
    Thickest hair ever!
    Coffee-stirrer size coils/kinks
  • empressriempressri Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    first i am sorry, and you will always miss her and that's okay.

    but i just dont have expectations of folks because they can and will disappoint cause we're only human BUT...when someone is doing something that is working my last nerve i tell them about it right then and there, i dont hold it in and let it fester.

    then just let it go cause it's not worth holding onto things cause folks are going to bed at night and arent thinking about you, so dont you give anyone else that power over you.
    Lady Hasytal in the Land of Product in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
    "Trust is knowing your SO would do the right thing in the face of strange vagina." Nej
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