Why are some dentists so mean to their patients???

KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
After much coaxing, my husband finally went to the dentist after having not gone for 4 years.

He has had a lot of problems with his thyroid, from having radioactive iodine injections to having polyps removed. Side effects from this have resulted in couple of his teeth decaying, along with breaking/chipping two teeth. Its NOT that he doesnt take care of his teeth, but various medications that have these side effects.

Well I went with him to his appointment, for a checkup and cleaning. He also wanted to consult with the dentist about what needed to be done to repair his teeth. And he carefully explained to the receptionist and dental assistant, along with writing it down on his own chart, his medical history, the medicines he previously took, and why some of his teeth were in the condition that they were and that he was sensitive about their appearance.

In walks Miss Jackoff, the assistant, who LOUDLY says "WOW!! You ARE going to need some work!!!!" Ummmm, like he doesnt know that already????
And she goes on and on "Yea your teeth do look pretty bad, but they can be fixed. He's going to tell you you have this wrong...and that wrong....these spots here.....etc.." I could HEAR her saying this crap from the waiting room! Thankfully the dentist himself exercised much better decorum, but good GOD!

I now understand why so many people hate the dentist. If you are a dentist, or dental assistant, try to be sensitive to your patients. You are looking our MOUTHS which is invasive enough as it is.

Thanks for letting me vent!
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Comments

  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,754Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I think she was just being direct. I don't think she was trying to be insensitive or mean, because that's how I often am, direct. Another factor in my nonchalance is that going to the dentist doesn't bother me at all. However, I do realize it terrifies some people.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    What was a dental assistant doing looking in his mouth without the dentist? They're not exactly qualified to diagnose anything! I'd find a new dentist.

    I hope your husband learned his lesson. He wasn't really taking care of his teeth if he went 4 years without seeing a dentist. Even if he brushes and flosses daily, it's still necessary to get regular exams to head off any problems before the decaying and chipping get too bad.

    Maybe he'd go more regularly if he found a dentist that specializes in pediatric dentistry? That's what I did 20 years ago, when I was still traumatized by my childhood dentist. My dentist is so awesome that I've referred at least 25 people to him.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    What was a dental assistant doing looking in his mouth without the dentist? They're not exactly qualified to diagnose anything! I'd find a new dentist.

    I hope your husband learned his lesson. He wasn't really taking care of his teeth if he went 4 years without seeing a dentist. Even if he brushes and flosses daily, it's still necessary to get regular exams to head off any problems before the decaying and chipping get too bad.

    Maybe he'd go more regularly if he found a dentist that specializes in pediatric dentistry? That's what I did 20 years ago, when I was still traumatized by my childhood dentist. My dentist is so awesome that I've referred at least 25 people to him.

    Reread my post. Then maybe read it again. You missed a few important points. Thanks, Management
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    There are some dental assistants who are "wannabe dentist". She was totally unprofessional and the dentist needs to either talk to her or let her go. It was not her place to tell the patient all this.

    To know your husband's medical history and the fact he has been apprehensive about seeing a dentist for the past 4 years should have alerted her and the dentist.

    I, agree, that this kind of behaviour makes it difficult for people to go see a dentist. I, personally, would complain. I work in a dental office and this kind of behaviour would not be tolerated.

    No one should be humiliated. Hopefully, he won't go back there and will find a better office to go to. I hope this won't turn him off to dentist completely.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    What was a dental assistant doing looking in his mouth without the dentist? They're not exactly qualified to diagnose anything! I'd find a new dentist.

    I hope your husband learned his lesson. He wasn't really taking care of his teeth if he went 4 years without seeing a dentist. Even if he brushes and flosses daily, it's still necessary to get regular exams to head off any problems before the decaying and chipping get too bad.

    Maybe he'd go more regularly if he found a dentist that specializes in pediatric dentistry? That's what I did 20 years ago, when I was still traumatized by my childhood dentist. My dentist is so awesome that I've referred at least 25 people to him.

    Reread my post. Then maybe read it again. You missed a few important points. Thanks, Management
    Well, I reread but I'm not seeing what I missed. SMH. It wasn't 4 years since his last cleaning? It wasn't the dental assistant telling him what was wrong with his teeth? Sorry, I'm not seeing the other important points. I do see that he had some medical issues but if severe tooth decay is a side effect, that's even more of a reason he should have been going to the dentist, IMO. Sorry if I offended you but I agreed with you that the dental assistant went beyond her job..
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • NalliaNallia Posts: 2,979Registered Users
    I don't know, but for most of my life bad treatment at the dentist was the norm for me. After a childhood full of it, I developed serious anxiety about going. I couldn't even talk about making an appointment without becoming shaky, nauseous, and starting to cry.

    Last year I found an amazing dentist. Because I hadn't been to a dentist in 17 years, I had advanced periodontal disease when I went in for my first appointment and was expecting that I would have to lose some teeth. My first appointment was only an exam, x-rays, and a consult, and I cried in the office trying to have a conversation about what had to be done because I was terrified of being there. My dentist gave me a sedative to take before my next appointment, which was for root scaling and planing.

    My dentist has never been anything but kind, compassionate, and understanding. He has always been up front about my problems but was never callous. He and his whole office have made a huge difference in the way I feel about going to the dentist.

    I now go in for cleanings every three months, alternating between my dentist's office and my periodontist's office. And I now walk in to both offices without fear.

    My dentist wouldn't tolerate that either.
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

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  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    What was a dental assistant doing looking in his mouth without the dentist? They're not exactly qualified to diagnose anything! I'd find a new dentist.

    I hope your husband learned his lesson. He wasn't really taking care of his teeth if he went 4 years without seeing a dentist. Even if he brushes and flosses daily, it's still necessary to get regular exams to head off any problems before the decaying and chipping get too bad.

    Maybe he'd go more regularly if he found a dentist that specializes in pediatric dentistry? That's what I did 20 years ago, when I was still traumatized by my childhood dentist. My dentist is so awesome that I've referred at least 25 people to him.

    Reread my post. Then maybe read it again. You missed a few important points. Thanks, Management
    Well, I reread but I'm not seeing what I missed. SMH. It wasn't 4 years since his last cleaning? It wasn't the dental assistant telling him what was wrong with his teeth? Sorry, I'm not seeing the other important points. I do see that he had some medical issues but if severe tooth decay is a side effect, that's even more of a reason he should have been going to the dentist, IMO. Sorry if I offended you but I agreed with you that the dental assistant went beyond her job.

    I apologize too. My feelings were very hurt when I read your post, because I see my husbands embarassment regarding his mouth everytime I try to bring it up. Yes it was reason for him to go but he was deathly afraid. And was self concious. And did not want to be humiliated which was what happened
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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    I agree with Phoenix that I don't think she was trying to be mean, just direct. But I know that from your standpoint, you'd hate to have someone point out a source of embarrassment for your husband, especially since she was loud about it.

    Heh, I guess I'm doomed since I haven't been to a dentist in way longer than that. They're expensive and I wouldn't have been able to afford a visit until my last couple of jobs. Even now, I shudder at the thought of that bill. I haven't been to a doctor in almost as long, though.
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    I understand being embarrassed by teeth. I had terribly crooked teeth and found myself hardly smiling by the time I was in my mid-30s. I then had 4 years of braces and appliances that had me even more self conscious. I also understand fear of dentists because of the dental nazi I saw from age 3 to age 20. There are some pretty bad dentists out there.

    He can't re-do those 4 years he didn't go to the dentist but he can change his ways going forward. I do hope he finds a dentist that can help him.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    There are some dental assistants who are "wannabe dentist". She was totally unprofessional and the dentist needs to either talk to her or let her go. It was not her place to tell the patient all this.

    To know your husband's medical history and the fact he has been apprehensive about seeing a dentist for the past 4 years should have alerted her and the dentist.

    I, agree, that this kind of behaviour makes it difficult for people to go see a dentist. I, personally, would complain. I work in a dental office and this kind of behaviour would not be tolerated.

    No one should be humiliated. Hopefully, he won't go back there and will find a better office to go to. I hope this won't turn him off to dentist completely.

    Thanks Lotsawaves. I agree that any issue, dental or medical should be brought to light, but there is a way to approach it. You dont tell a cancer patient has "Yea those tumors are really eating away at your body!" but you approach it professionally. I guess because he's my husband and I stand by his side, I take it a bit more personally.

    He does want to go back, but he doesnt want the same assistant at all. Which relieaves me, because I have had to coax him for a while regarding this.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I still think you need to complain about the humiliation that the assistant brought on him. She was so unprofessional and I think the dentist needs to know this. I, personally, would call the dentist and tell him that you do not want this particular assistant to have anything to do with your husband's treatment.

    You seem to like the dentist. He needs to know that patients may not want to continue going to him because of her.

    My heart really goes out to him. He didn't deserve this kind of treatment.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • SailaSaila Posts: 1,212Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I am characteristically straightforward and direct. However, being "direct" doesn't fly here. This wasn't a friendly conversation. This was supposed to be a professional exchange. The patient is a customer, and the hygienist is supposed to be providing a service in return. Saying "WOW! Your teeth are need work!" is not a service. It's rude, unprofessional, and disrespectful. It doesn't matter if she didn't "mean to" - she did.

    To the OP, I'm sorry about your experience. I agree with the above poster. Request another hygienist or switch dentists. Best of luck.
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    Wait, was it the hygienist or dental assistant? I'm not excusing loud talking by a hygienist but at least she'd be somewhat qualified to tell him what's going on in there.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 12,231Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I agree with all the other posters: this assistant was unprofessional. She sounds inexperienced. "Wow" is completely inappropriate and she should have kept her voice low so that the conversation was private.
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  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    Wait, was it the hygienist or dental assistant? I'm not excusing loud talking by a hygienist but at least she'd be somewhat qualified to tell him what's going on in there.

    You know, why don't you just get off my thread? It would be one thing if your tone was a little more gentle. But I can see you sitting at your keyboard probably clucking your tongue with your "lesson learned" and belief that he seemed to deserve this type of treatment. Sensitivity is the point here, not whether or not someone has the right to speak so abrasively to you simply because of their profession.

    I
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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    I think mrspoppers was genuinely asking a question and not trying to be snarky. :dontknow:
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,754Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Saria wrote: »
    I think mrspoppers was genuinely asking a question and not trying to be snarky. :dontknow:
    +1

    I don't see what MrsP said wrong.
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  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I also don't think Mrs. Poppers was trying to be snarky either, she was really trying to find out what happened to your husband.

    Anyway, I second the suggestion for a pediatric dentist. My husband and I go see the same dentist as my kids and he is wonderful and so is his hygienist. Ask around and see if anyone you know can recommend one. There are definitely wonderful dentists out there.
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  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm sorry, but I see kindred's point. "I hope he learned his lesson" doesn't exactly help in a situation where someone is fearful, attempts to face his issue, then has his worst suspicions and shame confirmed by rude behavior.

    k., I agree with those who suggest he find another dentist. I don't have dental fears, but I have had bad experiences with opthamologists, and it keeps me from going for regular checkups. If I found one I liked, I'd go more often.

    I hope things work out for your husband.
  • melloweermelloweer Posts: 2,308Registered Users
    There is NO lesson to be learned when an effect from medication happens on your teeth. It's not like you can go and brush, floss, mouthwash...3x a day to improve the effect. My sister has has gone through the same experience with medication for years. If she's not on meds she could potentially pass away. So for someone to say someone needs to learn their lesson is a comment that isn't even in the same reality as what is going on...imo. I don't think MrsP is trying to be mean at all, she's not that kind of a spirit. Some people truely are that stupid and insensitive at dental offices.


    With that said my sister has been through MANY MANY dentist because the dental hygenists run their mouth in an unproffesional way. I've gone with her to a few dentist appts because her poor self esteem about her mouth is so low and kicked even more when DH say something, esp in the waiting room in front of other patients. I've even had to call dentists after the appointment and explain why she won't be coming back.

    About a year or so ago she finally found a dentist who she loves and I've converted over to. Not a single comment made at any time by anyone. It's very refreshing. We only found him because it came to a point that I had to call around and discuss the situation with the dentist and find out what kind of office they ran...making it specifically clear of my expectations of being polite. You have to be straightforward about it and agressive but my sister can finally go to a dentist without someone running her mouth and making her feel like sh*t.


    I'm sorry your husband had to deal with that, it's hurt my sister numerous times so I feel horrible for him. There is someone out there that runs an office where people don't run their mouths and I wish you the best of luck finding a dentist that works for him. I like the idea of a pediatric dentist.....my kids go to one and if you can find one willing to accept an adult thats fantastic. They are much much much more sensitive about the words they choose to say towards people.
  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    Thank you melloweer for your post!

    This was my problem with mrs poppers point. He IS taking care of his teeth, but medicines, the radioactive iodine, etc. was what MADE his teeth either chipped or get spots on them. Certain medications WILL DECAY YOUR TEETH despite your best efforts. Why are people failing to see this??? And why are people justifying the rudeness that this woman showed my husband, in spite of him carefully explaining his medical history and the effect that medicine has on his teeth??.

    I have students that are on various seizure medications. Their parents brush their teeth. We assist by doing dental hygiene in the morning but it is to no avail. These medicines help prevent their seizures but one of the side effects is tooth decay! And when a hygienist/dental assistant/dentist makes snide remarks to a patient, further destroying their self-esteem, it can have a lasting effect! There is a such thing as patient courtesy, and no one has the right to make someone feel so small. My husband KNOWS his teeth are in bad shape. So why make him feel worse?
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  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    Wait, was it the hygienist or dental assistant? I'm not excusing loud talking by a hygienist but at least she'd be somewhat qualified to tell him what's going on in there.

    You know, why don't you just get off my thread? It would be one thing if your tone was a little more gentle. But I can see you sitting at your keyboard probably clucking your tongue with your "lesson learned" and belief that he seemed to deserve this type of treatment. Sensitivity is the point here, not whether or not someone has the right to speak so abrasively to you simply because of their profession.

    I
    No, I'm genuinely scratching my head. What did I say? I was genuinely curious whether this was the hygienist because you said dental assistant.

    You are overreacting. I agreed with you. I said I understand being afraid of the dentist. I understand not going.
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • mrspoppersmrspoppers Posts: 7,223Registered Users Curl Novice
    Thank you melloweer for your post!

    This was my problem with mrs poppers point. He IS taking care of his teeth, but medicines, the radioactive iodine, etc. was what MADE his teeth either chipped or get spots on them. Certain medications WILL DECAY YOUR TEETH despite your best efforts. Why are people failing to see this??? And why are people justifying the rudeness that this woman showed my husband, in spite of him carefully explaining his medical history and the effect that medicine has on his teeth??.

    I have students that are on various seizure medications. Their parents brush their teeth. We assist by doing dental hygiene in the morning but it is to no avail. These medicines help prevent their seizures but one of the side effects is tooth decay! And when a hygienist/dental assistant/dentist makes snide remarks to a patient, further destroying their self-esteem, it can have a lasting effect! There is a such thing as patient courtesy, and no one has the right to make someone feel so small. My husband KNOWS his teeth are in bad shape. So why make him feel worse?
    Who did this???

    You are crazy. I am quoting this because I don't want you going back and deleting your craziness. How many times do I have to say I AGREE with you. I even offered a solution for him to get over his fear.

    You are the one who keeps saying over and over again that he took care of his teeth. He didn't. He knew he was more susceptible to issues and he didn't go to the dentist for four years when he had decay going on in there. Do you understand the link between heart disease and tooth decay? Do you understand the link between tooth infections and brain damage?
    When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?

    Don Langrick
    Bonsai Culturist
  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    You are an extremely nasty person. Now I'm crazy? Do you speak to your own mother like this?

    Why do you think I kept convincing him to go, so he WOULDNT have heart problems from tooth decay? My MOTHER had heart problems from not going to the dentist and had to have all of her teeth extracted when I was 22. So yes I KNOW THIS.

    Like I said, get off my thread please. I don't need you telling me I'm crazy. Goodbye!
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  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    383 views already.....

    For everyones sake :happy1:
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  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    There is some crazy on this thread, but it sure ain't coming from Mrs P. Oy yoy yoy.
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    383 views already.....

    For everyones sake :happy1:

    Yup, pretty much as I remembered you, kindred. All drama.
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    wild~hair wrote: »
    There is some crazy on this thread, but it sure ain't coming from Mrs P. Oy yoy yoy.

    Agreed. I tend to stay out of things like this but I feel the need to stand up for her.
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  • FieryCurlsFieryCurls Posts: 2,904Registered Users
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    mrspoppers wrote: »
    What was a dental assistant doing looking in his mouth without the dentist? They're not exactly qualified to diagnose anything! I'd find a new dentist.

    I hope your husband learned his lesson. He wasn't really taking care of his teeth if he went 4 years without seeing a dentist. Even if he brushes and flosses daily, it's still necessary to get regular exams to head off any problems before the decaying and chipping get too bad.

    Maybe he'd go more regularly if he found a dentist that specializes in pediatric dentistry? That's what I did 20 years ago, when I was still traumatized by my childhood dentist. My dentist is so awesome that I've referred at least 25 people to him.

    Reread my post. Then maybe read it again. You missed a few important points. Thanks, Management
    Well, I reread but I'm not seeing what I missed. SMH. It wasn't 4 years since his last cleaning? It wasn't the dental assistant telling him what was wrong with his teeth? Sorry, I'm not seeing the other important points. I do see that he had some medical issues but if severe tooth decay is a side effect, that's even more of a reason he should have been going to the dentist, IMO. Sorry if I offended you but I agreed with you that the dental assistant went beyond her job..

    MrsP has already said what she meant right here. She isn't justifying the rude behavior of the DH by saying that it's your husband's responsibility to get himself to the dentist WHEN HE KNOWS THAT HE IS TAKING MEDICATIONS WITH DENTAL SIDE EFFECTS.
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  • KindredGhost1983KindredGhost1983 Posts: 1,187Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »
    383 views already.....

    For everyones sake :happy1:

    Yup, pretty much as I remembered you, kindred. All drama.

    *sigh*

    check your inbox
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