Leaving kids overnight

fuzzbucketfuzzbucket Registered Users Posts: 996 Curl Connoisseur
I have to leave the boys overnight (at home with their dad) for the first time on Friday. Part of me is excited, because it is my first away gig (orchestra concert) since before H was born. I've missed playing so much that I don't know if I can make it through the first rehearsal without crying. But, I feel conflicted.

Before I go any further, I know they will be fine. Their dad can handle it. He stays home with them while I work all the time. That doesn't mean it won't be hard, though. The boys are very attached (think: mommy=lovey) and have a history of separation anxiety.

First, night time has been my domain from the beginning. DH works at night a lot and they boys will not let him do bed time, for the most part. The few nights (maybe 5?) I have been away at bed time have not been easy for anyone.

Second, Nathan still nurses at night. We plan to work on weaning, but I've been too tired and he is getting molars. I don't know how he is going to react to having DH instead of me.

Again, I know they will survive and work it out. I just feel bad putting them all in a difficult position, because I know it will not be easy. So, I have a couple of questions.

1. Do we tell H ahead of time that mommy has a sleepover gig, or do we wait until I'm leaving?

2. Do I call/video chat in the morning, or will that just bring up the fact that I'm not there? They are used to me being gone in the morning, so I'm not sure they will be upset not seeing me.

I leave at noon on Friday and will be home about 6:30 on Saturday. I then have to leave again on Sunday at 11 AM and will be back by bedtime Sunday night. After that I'm on vacation for a week while DH goes to CA to visit his folks. I don't think the boys will mind him being gone as much as they will mind me. I know I will mind, but my folks will be with us for the week, so we'll have distractions.

Sorry this is long. Any advice is appreciated.
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Comments

  • subbrocksubbrock Registered Users Posts: 8,212
    fuzzbucket wrote: »
    1. Do we tell H ahead of time that mommy has a sleepover gig, or do we wait until I'm leaving?

    2. Do I call/video chat in the morning, or will that just bring up the fact that I'm not there? They are used to me being gone in the morning, so I'm not sure they will be upset not seeing me.


    1. i always tell my little girl in advance when there is going to be some change in our regular routine. but she's the type who likes to know what's happening when. and when i'm not sure what her reaction will be, i always try to make her think of ways that it will be a good experience. ("what fun things do you think you can do while i'm gone?" "are there any special snacks you want to eat with so and so while you guys are together?")

    2. give them a call in the morning! and let them know that they can call you. the latter has been a huge help for me. i tell majerle that she can always call me and then i ask her if she still remembers my cell phone number. now i've never told her my cell phone number, nor do i think she could remember it on her own. her response is either that she remembers it or that she forgot and needs me to tell it to her again. i think it gives her a sense of control.

    good luck! i hope your trip goes well for everyone.
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Registered Users Posts: 791
    Whenever I have had to leave DS, be it for a weekend or just a few hours, I try to focus on the fun he will have rather than the fact that I am leaving. When it's a weekend away, I am certain to include him in picking out which toys, movies, stuffies to bring with him. When it is with a sitter, I ask him what kind of supper and snacks he would like me to make for them.

    As for calling/video chatting - that may or may not be a good idea. One weekend I was away, I called DS at my parents' place and it didn't go well. It just upset him more. So as harsh as it sounds, unless there's a problem, I don't call my parents or my brother when they are watching him. One thing that helped my son was having a picture of me at my brother's house. It was just a framed picture of me, my brother and my DS that was in my brother's guest room. Apparently DS slept with it.

    It may be tough on the boys, especially because it is the first time, but they (and you) will survive.
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  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Registered Users Posts: 2,954 Curl Connoisseur
    My first time away was really hard on hubby and Chas but it was good for him. I think it helped the mommy attachment. I always tell my kids I'm leaving...although Addison doesn't understand...I still tell her. I usually do it the day before so that Chas doesn't get to overexcited that Grandma and Grandpa will be coming over every night. LOL.

    It does get easier every time...so stick with it. You might be surprised...sometimes I think kids know your not there...so they don't even ask for you. I always call everynight and talk to Chas before he goes to bed.

    Good Luck and Enjoy!

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