CurlTalk

Advice that you didn't ask for...

GirlWithUkuleleGirlWithUkulele Posts: 150Registered Users
So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
Gee, thanks...

This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Victoria, Keeper of the Celestial Charts and Protector of the Aquamarine Diadem in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

3a/b; low porosity; dense; medium thickness. Growing out a weird haircut.
Cleanse: As I Am Curl Cowash; Giovanni Smooth as Silk Shampoo
Condition:Tresemme Naturals
LI:KCKT; CHS LI
Stylers: AG Re:Coil; CJCCCCL; KCCC; AG Mousse Gel; HESMU;
Denman Brush.

Treatments:SheaMoisture Fruit Fusion; Aphogee PT

Comments

  • ChevelureChevelure Posts: 101Registered Users
    So what would be some good comebacks? I'm usually mortified when people make comments like that.
  • LISA LISALISA LISA Posts: 566Registered Users
    So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
    Gee, thanks...

    This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

    I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.


    I'd say, "Straight haired people giving hair advice to curly people is like a man giving a woman tampon advice". There's obvious good intentions there, but no field experience.
    Big Chop from hip - 5/2014
    Enjoying the journey to APL or BSL!
    image.php?type=sigpic&userid=75884&dateline=1412004981
  • crwrittcrwritt Posts: 705Registered Users
    Free advice, as with anything else that you get for free, is worth what you paid for it.
  • veezorveezor Posts: 42Registered Users
    So last year, before I went CG, I wore my hair down for the first time in two months (my hair was straightish until about 2 years ago). When we were going into French class, some girl said "You look different." Someone said "Because she's wearing her hair down." The girl said "Oh. You need frizz control." (Which are often full of cones)
    Gee, thanks...

    This same girl, just last week, said "Your curls are so pretty," and then started giving all this advice, like "You know what? You should get a defining product. Some need to be applied when soaking wet, others when damp..." as if I didn't know. Yeah, she knows a lot about cosmetics, but considering I'm a bit of a product junkie, I'd think I would know what I'm talking about. Especially considering my hair is curly, and hers is not.

    I don't know about you, but it just annoys me when people with straight hair start spouting advice as if they know my hair better than I do, and like I don't know anything at all. Do they know my porosity? Whether I'm a 3a or 3b? Yeah, that's what I thought.


    I'd say, "Straight haired people giving hair advice to curly people is like a man giving a woman tampon advice". There's obvious good intentions there, but no field experience.

    I'm going to have to use that one.
  • LysterineLysterine Posts: 6Registered Users
    What kills me is when my African American cousins on my dad's side with weaves and 4c natural curls try to give me advice on how to oil my scalp and keep my hair in check.

    My mom is white. I look white. I have very soft, fine 3b curls because I'm super mixed. And was before it was relaxed! If I oiled my scalp and put my hair in cornrows, it would be a disaster.

    Everyone always assumes that because they know about their hair, they know everything about everyone's hair. It's somewhat irritating.
  • Ruth MarieRuth Marie Posts: 72Registered Users
    This is slightly OT, but GirlWithUkulele, do you actually play the Ukulele? I do, and I love it!
    I'm a Curly Violinist living in the Frozen Tundra.
    Hair Growth Goals:
    SL:
    APL:
    BSL:
    WL:
  • itsKelCeeEeeitsKelCeeEee Posts: 1,084Registered Users
    That's like some random cousin I rarely ever talk to asking me how my hair was so kinky and afro-like if I was mixed and proceeding to tell me that I needed a perm.

    :angryfire: You wanna talk about heated? That girl right there...
    tumblr_mfb2v27JpJ1qfxenmo1_250.gif
    Big Chop: 11/25/09
    Cottony/fluffy, medium/coarse, high density & porosity
    SL - APL - BSB - BSL - MBL - WL - HL
  • CurlyLinZeeCurlyLinZee Posts: 462Registered Users
    I hear ya! A couple of years ago at XMas celebration, my aunt (the same one who told me if I didn't get married by 30, I might as well join a convent)...told me that I should straighten my hair. She said this loudly and insistently in front of my entire family gathering. Me and my curly hair were in the spotlight for some long moments there.

    I said "How about you worry about your hair, and I'll worry about mine?"

    This same aunt has been getting perms to put some wave in her (flat) hair for decades now.

    I was very insulted. I also threw this one at her because she's very religious:

    "If God wanted me to have straight hair, that's what he would have given me."

    ...put that in your pipe and smoke it!
    Hair type: 2c/3a ii, medium/coarse, desert hair
    Cleansers: CJ Daily Fix
    Conditioners: CJ Beauticurls Argan Oil, Tresemme
    Leave-In Conditioners: CJ BCLI
    Deep Conditioners: CJ Curl Rehab, CJ Deep Fix, SS DDMT
    Stylers:
    KCCC
    Holding Gels: CJ Curl Queen
    Pomade: Jane Carter N&S
    Hair Likes: agave nectar, oils of any kind


  • PuertoricangirlPuertoricangirl Posts: 428Registered Users
    My sister always tries to give me advice to brush it wet to control it at the top. I tell her that will cause breakage because it snaps but she doesn't understand. I think it is so annoying! She has curly hair too and says we have the same hair but every texture is different! She also tells me to use product to control it but with my experience hair mouse/gel make my hair crunchy and I like my natural texture!

    My friend Michelle always offers to straighten my hair and tells me if she can put bio-silk in it to control the frizz. Frizz serum doesn't seem to work on me but she insists on doing my hair with it. My other friend Kathleen tells me to brush it and use a frizz serum. Ugh! Michelle has hair similar to mine naturally but straightens hers every day and dies it incessantly. I love my natural curls and using minimal-no product so they can all shove it! lol
    3A/3B Fine/Medium curly, Low Porosity, Medium density, long length.

    *Shampoo & Conditioner: Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus Curl and shine
    *Leave-in: Kinky Curly Knot Today and GVP Condtioning Balm
    *Cream Stylers: Shea Moisture Curl enhancing smoothie, Coconut and hibiscus styling milk
    Gels: L.A Looks Sports Gel, and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    *Serum: Curly Hair Solutions Curl Keeper

    :blob7:
  • eleanormooneleanormoon Posts: 6Registered Users
    People all the time to me:

    Have you tried frizz ease?





    :angry4:
  • MissDarceiMissDarcei Posts: 193Registered Users
    People all the time to me:

    Have you tried frizz ease?





    :angry4:

    Frizz Ease is the devil lol
    3c Hair
    Fine Strands, High Density, Low Porosity
    CG since August 2011
    :love4:Loving my hair!!!:love4:
  • EricachristinaEricachristina Posts: 496Registered Users
    Some people just dont know when their advice is not needed and not wanted. Some ppl also think they know more than they actually do, putting up with stupid comments and advice is a part of life but if it bothered me Id tell them what I thought of the advice.
  • KorkscrewKorkscrew Posts: 1,834Registered Users
    Just explain that hair care is more nuanced than most people imagine - that every head of hair is different and responds differently to different products and techniques. Top it all off with a pleasant "Thanks but no thanks for the advice."
  • bobbybobby Posts: 669Registered Users
    Korkscrew wrote: »
    Just explain that hair care is more nuanced than most people imagine - that every head of hair is different and responds differently to different products and techniques. Top it all off with a pleasant "Thanks but no thanks for the advice."

    As with anything, I think people tend to overvalue their opinion. You're right though, every head of hair has a life of its own. What works for one should not be assumed that it will work for the other.
    2B always with potential of white man's fro

    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/members/bobby-albums-my-album.html

    "Curls aren't just for girls"
  • TrisHermioneTrisHermione Posts: 1Registered Users
    The worst one was when my (straight-haired) friend was telling me about her new hairbrush that she'd bought, and telling me that I should try it. I said something along the lines of; 'I don't brush my hair at all so there isn't really much point because it makes it frizzy.'
    She then said something like 'Well that's probably because you're using a cheap brush, if you used a good brush then...'
    If all it would have taken for me to beat frizz was a hairbrush, then didn't she think I would have done it years ago? Ignorant.
  • lucyprimroselucyprimrose Posts: 166Registered Users
    The worst one was when my (straight-haired) friend was telling me about her new hairbrush that she'd bought, and telling me that I should try it. I said something along the lines of; 'I don't brush my hair at all so there isn't really much point because it makes it frizzy.'
    She then said something like 'Well that's probably because you're using a cheap brush, if you used a good brush then...'
    If all it would have taken for me to beat frizz was a hairbrush, then didn't she think I would have done it years ago? Ignorant.

    The brushing advice is the thing that really drives me mad. People with straight hair just can't grasp it, that brushing doesn't help. And if you try and explain or demonstrate why, well I just see their eyes glazing over...maybe it's the way I say it. When I used to often get my hair straightened I used to brush it, so like you say if it helped when curly we'd do it wouldn't we? It isn't rocket science to think about brushing hair if it helped. I feel for you! Cheap brush! Ha!
    UK based wavy :hello2:

    Mostly waves, but curls and straight bits too!
    Fine to medium, high porosity, medium density, very low elasticity
    Highlights damage (growing it out), seems to like protein and need lots of moisture.

    Cleanse - CJDF, trying out low poos ; Co wash- Uk chemist brands, Urtekram Rose or Aloe, Hairveda Amala Cream Rinse; RO - varies, Tigi Moisture Maniac, Desert Essence Coconut ; Leave in - Keracare natural textures; Sealant - argan oil
    Trying out new things, still looking.
  • anonymous_133347anonymous_133347 Posts: 1,426Registered Users
    I think the worst backhanded compliment/piece of unsolicited advice we curlies shall ever receive is:

    "Oh my God you have such beautiful hair!"

    (and in the same breath)

    "You should straighten it."

    :happy8:
    3A - C, HP, ME, HD. (Coarse, High Porosity, Medium Elasticity, High Density.)

    CG since Nov. 2012

    Poos: SM Moisture Retention + Yucca Baobab, TJ's Tea Tree Tingle
    Condish: TJ 'sTea Tree Tingle*, SM Moisture Retention* + Curl & Shine + Yucca Baobab, Yes to Blueberries
    Stylers: KCKT*, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie* + Curl & Style Milk*, KCCC*, FSG*, CJ Pattern Pusha, Curl Keeper
    Sealers: Jojoba* or Grapeseed* oil

    * = HG