How to Broach the Topic

boticellicurlsboticellicurls Registered Users Posts: 17
Hey Gorgeous Curly Girls!

I have a quick question for all of you that have curly headed kids in your lives.

My husband and I don't have children yet, though it's in our future. I am lucky for now to be blessed with many nieces and nephews who I adore.

I have one little niece in particular who is about 15 months old. She has a head full of blond curls. She looks like a baby who could've been on some baby product label in the thirties- very much like a kewpie doll. Her golden hair looks like a halo around her head. Beautiful!

Recently I was spending time with her and her parents and her mom and dad started joking about little Jenna's "fro." I felt really disappointed to hear the way they spoke about their daughter's hair. The father, (my husband's brother) started patting her head and saying "can't we like, push it down or something?"

Later when my husband and I were driving home, I still felt kind of bummed about what they'd said.

I grew up as the only curly headed person in my whole family, and my mother used to shame me for my curly hair, which she had no idea how to manage. She used to call my hair a "rat's nest" among other things.

Jenna's parents might've just been engaging in some good-natured joking, but it landed in a sore spot with me. I don't want Jenna growing up with curl intolerance.

Should I say something to her parents? If so, what should I say? Am I just being overly sensitive here (definitely a possibility)?

Jenna's parents and her 4 year old sister all have sleek stick-straight hair and I know that her mom won't know what to do with Jenna's hair when she's older... I want to give the benefit of my experience but I don't want to be a bossy jerk. Ideas?

Comments

  • subbrocksubbrock Registered Users Posts: 8,212
    in situations like that i tend to tell the offenders how much comments like that hurt me and my self esteem as a child, but i'm glad i finally came to love and learn how to take care of my curls.

    or you could even just offer up a few product recommendations. i have a friend who has a curly baby and she has no clue what to do with her hair, so i told her how i saw the cutest baby products for curly hair that i was going to pick up for her to try. she seemed really greatful. i think really its not the curls that people dislike, but its the fact that they have no idea how to care for them. so if you can toss out a few tips, without sounding preachy, or even show them (sometimes folks need visual proof) some techniques they may be more open to accepting and loving jenna's curls.
  • CurlyQ'sHairDo'sCurlyQ'sHairDo's Registered Users Posts: 54
    ^^ totally. Great advice!

    My niece is looking to have curly hair, and her mom (and I) have straight. I'm hoping to be able to subtly help her learn how to care for the curl, too! My thought was to give her Curly Girl (the book) and different products I like, to my niece as bday presents, etc.

    Good luck! Since you have curls, you have that bit of personal experience that might make them listen up, too.
    Learning and Loving the Curly Life!!

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    Check out my Natural Hair Care and Styles blog at www.curlyhairdoideas.com :toothy4: The model and "Curly Girl" is 2 years old now!!
  • Robin-in-FLRobin-in-FL Registered Users Posts: 1,731 Curl Neophyte
    I don't think it's bossy or pushy to assume that since you have hair like the niece, and the parents don't, you might know more about how to treat the hair, even if you DON'T have kids.

    YMMV as I was a hairdresser and have kids with varying textures of hair, so maybe more leverage to be making comments to family, but it is inappropriate for the parents to diss their daughters' hair. Straight or curly or otherwise.

    Personally, if they made a bad comment I'd not slam them for it at all but would make a fuss about how beautiful the child's hair is and how lucky they are that their kids aren't clones of them and ask if they wanted any tips on how to take care of curly hair - tell them it isn't the same as straight so they might not be handling it in a way that will bring out its beauty.

    Also - curly babies can be straight-haired adults, I have one who went from curls to very loose waves, and straight-haired babies can be very curly adults; I have another who was so straight and now is curly! So she may just end up with straight hair anyway. But the parents are missing out on the joy of playing with her curly hair while she's got it, and not doing her any favors by criticizing it.
    2c / C / iii (FIA)
    Med-Coarse, LowPorosity, NormalElast (LCLF)

    Shoulder-Length now.

    Wash: DevaCare Low Poo
    Detangle & Rinseout: Walgreens or Sally's Conditioning Balm (always)
    Leave-in: DevaCare OneC (budget choice is GFTN)
    Style: ReCoil & DevaCare Arc Angel (budget choices are HESMU or Got2BSpikedUp)

    Henna!
  • CurlyteeCurlytee Registered Users Posts: 273 Curl Neophyte
    Hello, First, and foremost, If i were you I would try to touch the parents hearts. I would share my experience of having curly hair and how I was shamed my by my own mother. Explain how the seeds of self haltered was planted very early in your life

    Second
    , I would explained, If your daughter cant be fully accepted by her birth parents with her differences then how do they expect the world to treat her. Then,

    Finally
    , I would direct them to Naturallycurly and explain there is a whole world of people loving, caring and sharing information about how to manage their beautiful curls.

    Hey Gorgeous Curly Girls!

    I have a quick question for all of you that have curly headed kids in your lives.

    My husband and I don't have children yet, though it's in our future. I am lucky for now to be blessed with many nieces and nephews who I adore.

    I have one little niece in particular who is about 15 months old. She has a head full of blond curls. She looks like a baby who could've been on some baby product label in the thirties- very much like a kewpie doll. Her golden hair looks like a halo around her head. Beautiful!

    Recently I was spending time with her and her parents and her mom and dad started joking about little Jenna's "fro." I felt really disappointed to hear the way they spoke about their daughter's hair. The father, (my husband's brother) started patting her head and saying "can't we like, push it down or something?"

    Later when my husband and I were driving home, I still felt kind of bummed about what they'd said.

    I grew up as the only curly headed person in my whole family, and my mother used to shame me for my curly hair, which she had no idea how to manage. She used to call my hair a "rat's nest" among other things.

    Jenna's parents might've just been engaging in some good-natured joking, but it landed in a sore spot with me. I don't want Jenna growing up with curl intolerance.

    Should I say something to her parents? If so, what should I say? Am I just being overly sensitive here (definitely a possibility)?

    Jenna's parents and her 4 year old sister all have sleek stick-straight hair and I know that her mom won't know what to do with Jenna's hair when she's older... I want to give the benefit of my experience but I don't want to be a bossy jerk. Ideas?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • LadyHesseLadyHesse Registered Users Posts: 16
    I have a similar situation! My husband and I have no children (yet. maybe.) and we have practically raised our nephews and niece (takes a village mentality).

    My niece is almost 3 (a.k.a. old enough to hold a conversation, but I started this long ago) and I just subtly stick into daily life how beautiful her hair is and how we have similar hair. In her parents' presence, I play with her curls and tell her about how when she gets a little older I will show her how to take care of her hair and we'll be awesome and curly together. (i.e. "Aunty Juli is so excited that you're going to have curly hair, too!)

    I'm banking on subliminal messaging, I guess. =)

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