CurlTalk

I Hate To Complain About This, But My Boss Is Weird...

LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
Let me start off by saying I feel very lucky to have a job in this economy. It's not stressful and it's close to where I live. I can even come home for lunch.

I won't get into his weirdness at work or in his personal life. I'm not affected too much by this. What is affecting me is his weirdness towards me.

I feel my life is personal away from work. I like to come home and feel that I'm in my safe place and can relax. People know that if they want to come over they need to call 1st. I don't like unexpected guests. That's just me.

My boss is so interested in my personal life. He even did a family type tree, so he would know the names of my children, grandchildren, ex-husband and his wife. I didn't think too much about this at the time. I actually thought it was kind of nice that he was taking an interest. He asks a lot of questions of his patients, also.

Well, now he is much more interested in my personal life. He wants me to bring pics of my Mom and Dad and pics of me when I was in my 20's. His Mom is in an assisted living house that isn't too far from where I live. He will pick her up on Saturdays and buy both of them a [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/CURLS-Curls-Milkshake-p-884.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=Curls-Curls-Milkshake]milkshake[/buylink], then drive to my apartment complex. They will sit in the parking lot drinking them hoping to see me. When he 1st told me this I told him I felt a little stalked. He looked surprised that I would say this, but he is still doing it. It's been going over for over a month now.

Today I was telling him about me and 2 of my long term friends going to a dinner theatre that is nearby and suggested he take his wife. He then said he had never met these 2 friends of mine and would like for them to come to the office on their lunch hour so he could meet them. I told him they worked too far away. He then suggested that I make a lunch date with them on a weekend and invite him also.

I know he isn't interested in me other then his employee, but I feel he is trying to trespass into my personal life. My friends would feel really weird if my boss came to lunch with us. I also don't want him showing up at my house. I don't want to spend time with him outside of the office.

I don't really know what to do. I am finding myself not being at home on the weekends in case he is stalking me. I don't want to lose my job, so I'm keeping my mouth shut, but I find this so WEIRD.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
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Comments

  • WiregirlWiregirl Posts: 1,695Registered Users
    Most dentist's are weird, I've worked with enough to know. But in your case he IS interested in you. Not the answer you wanted, I would be very very careful, he sounds too weird!
  • NorthCoastLadyNorthCoastLady Posts: 230Registered Users
    what an awkward,uncomfortable, bizarre situation! I don't know what I'd do, either. Probably get really angry, lol. Then again, I'm a very private person who routinely screens cell phone calls before answering. ;)

    What's really messed up is that he continued the behavior after you told him it was making you uncomfortable. It sucks, because you sound like you like your job- but will the stalker stress be worth it?

    Very wierd, indeed.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    I think he is interested in me like he is interested in all people. I don't think it's an attraction. He is happily married.

    He just doesn't seem to understand personal space. I'm not his friend. I'm his employee. My private life is mine and it doesn't include him. I need to unwind from the work week.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • DerbyCityNaturalsDerbyCityNaturals Posts: 422Registered Users
    creepy and odd.

    I think you put it accurately when you said " I'm not his friend. I'm his employee". I would reiterate this to him.
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    You're in a tough situation. I would quietly start looking for a new job. Whenever you can, I'd politely reiterate that you are his employee, not his friend. Has he always been this way since you've worked there? Or did something trigger this behavior?
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  • kat180kat180 Posts: 6,280Registered Users
    It does sound like he is interested in you. Worse, it sounds as though he thinks you guys have a relationship.

    He is doing things I would expect a (poss slightly over-eager) boyfriend to do, make friends with your close family and friends. I understand your concern- I would be anxious about it too. More so as you told him it made you uncomfortable but he kept doing it.

    I would start looking for a new job which really sucks in this economy. I would also have a frank talk with him, he may get the message and leave you alone. Frankly I find his behaviour VERY odd and unsettling. Picking up your mother every Saturday and watching you? Does he not have his own mother in law/family to spend time with at the weekend? To be clear, he started doing this without your knowledge?

    I've never heard of a boss randomly making family trees for employees and asking for photographs.
  • AmandacurlsAmandacurls Posts: 6,252Registered Users
    If you're going to stay in this job, I think you should start asking him "why?" each and everytime he makes one of these strange requests. Ask him why he wants you to bring pictures of your family and you, why he wants to meet your friends, why he brings his mother to your apartment complex to "watch for you", etc. I don't think he's just interested in you as a person, it sounds like he's obsessed. Are there any other employees at your office? Does he do that to them? I wouldn't be able to stand that kind of behavior and would start looking for another job, or look into moving and just getting a PO Box for my mail. That is very creepy behavior. I think he's crossed a number of professional lines. If you do stay there, reiterate that you are his employee, he is your boss and you would like the relationship to be professional and nothing more. Set boundaries and tell him no, about things like bringing pictures to work and arranging lunch dates with your friends and him. Your private life is your private life, all that matters is that you do your job up to standards, he can't ask for more from you. And unless his wife is a total wacko I can't imagine her being okay with her husband being "that into" his employee.
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    What a wacko!! This even goes beyond being interested in you romantically. Who goes to their employee's home and just waits for her, hoping she'll come out? Weirdos, that's who!

    You just gotta tell him you like to keep your personal life, personal. How much further could his lack of boundaries/sense of entitlement go?
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

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  • 2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,480Registered Users
    That is bizarre behavior, IMO. I think you just need to continue to tell him that you want to keep your work life and your private life separate. Tell him it keeps you balanced and happier that way. If he doesn't/can't take a hint and lighten up, then you'll have to make a decision.
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  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,494Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    ...drive to my apartment complex. They will sit in the parking lot drinking them hoping to see me.

    you ARE being stalked!

    and i would enlist the help of a neighbour... the next time someone is sitting outside your apartment watching the door, have them call the police to report suspicious people outside.
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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    That is really weird. I mean, REALLY weird.

    Actually, it sounds as if he might have Asperger's or some other condition where he doesn't pick up on normal social cues.

    If he weren't your boss, I would consider asking him (nicely) what the heck was going on, but in the circumstances that might not be the best thing. If you don't want to find a new job, you might need to just stop telling him anything about your personal life at all. That doesn't get him and his mom out of your parking lot, though. Hmm. :sad1:
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    2poodles wrote: »
    That is bizarre behavior, IMO. I think you just need to continue to tell him that you want to keep your work life and your private life separate. Tell him it keeps you balanced and happier that way. If he doesn't/can't take a hint and lighten up, then you'll have to make a decision.

    +1 Everything everyone else said I agree with. This is bizarre, creepy, and you can't allow it to continue. You can try once VERY firmly telling him that you need to keep your work and home life completely separate because you need to unwind from work but frankly, I think he is mentally disturbed, and this is only going to end if you get another job. That totally sucks but I'm afraid if you don't transfer to another job it will escalate. Is there anyone at work you trust to confide in? Please take care and don't brush this off - he's a stalker.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    To answer a few questions. I'm the only employee. His wife is in the office some because she uses a room here for her work as a speech therapist.

    I think he's weird with some of his patients too. He's very nosey, plus he loves to talk about himself. I don't think I'm being singled out. I'm just here all the time.

    I've been able to ignore everything except his coming to my apartment complex. That really irritates me. He knows the apartment #, but hasn't been able to locate it, so he's not parked in front of my door. He drives around the lot, then parks as they drink their shakes. His Mom has dementia, so she has no idea what he is doing.

    I've told him that if someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting them, then I would probably not answer, unless it was family. I feel it is rude to show up unannounced. I agree, I think he has social issues.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • rockthecurlzrockthecurlz Posts: 910Registered Users
    This would drive me crazy! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with a wackadoodle. Just because he is married, doesn't mean he has no feelings for you... Maybe he is just weird, and trying to make "friends". It is not acceptable though how he is behaving as your manager. I wouldn't be able to handle it for long. I wouldn't want to stay there. I'm afraid if you start looking for another job, he will be watching you do it! I think this is really scary...I hope everything works out ok.
  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users
    Yeah. Wow. Troubling.
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,937Registered Users
    Easy fix for him parking outside your house: say your neighbors have noticed someone sitting in the parking lot and it's making them nervous, please stop. They are all getting really freaked out and they will be angry with you if they find out that it's because of you.

    In a perfect world you could say, hey, freakazoid, back off and stay away from my house but I understand not wanting to rock the boat at work. Sitting outside your home is just BEYOND weird.
  • wavycurly40+wavycurly40+ Posts: 2,017Registered Users
    You are feeling stalked because this is stalking behavior. Whatever his intentions/issues are, even if he means no harm and just doesn't read social cues, the behavior just has to stop. Period.

    I like the idea of telling him he has to stay away from your apartment because of the neighbors. Tell him they'll call the cops.

    I also like the idea of not telling him any personal information at all, and couching it as your need to keep work and life separate for your own mental health.

    If he's incapable of respecting your boundaries, then you may need a new job.

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  • scrillsscrills Posts: 6,700Registered Users
    :shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:

    SITTING OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE

    Are you the only two in the office all the time? Are there other dentists and assistants? Is there anyone else seing this behavior? Is there no one to complain to?

    Does he exhibit this lack of social awareness in all other areas? Does he do this in front of his wife?
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    I thought he was weird when he drank his bowel-prep drink and then came to work and had explosive diarrhea in the office all day. That isn't normal.

    I agree that most dentists are weird. Gynecologists are almost-always weird too. There must be something about spending your day looking at orafices that messes with your brain.

    ANYWAY...I think you should just be vague and non-committal with him about everything.
  • WurlyLoxWurlyLox Posts: 4,858Registered Users
    Yikes! :shock::disgust:

    No further ideas than anyone else, but I agree it's definitely stalking, regardless of why he's doing it.

    I sure wouldn't be giving him any more info about myself - maybe just tell him, maybe sorta jokingly the first time, that he's freaking you out with his stalking, and you're going to have to start job hunting. Though, if he has any sort of real obsession or ill intent, that could make things worse.

    Maybe talk to the cops in a hypothetical way about what to do? I do think it's that serious (maybe I just read too many thrillers, LOL!) I doubt there's anything they can actually do unless/until you're ready to actually file a police report against him, which he'd have to know about.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    I don't feel like I'm in any danger. Just irritated that he is invading my personal space and doesn't understand why this would bother me. I don't think he's a dangerous weird. Just weird. Even his wife thinks he is. I doubt if she knows where he is drinking his milkshakes.

    It's hard for me to talk to him. He is self-absorbed and has that entitlement complex. That's why I have ignored his weirdness up till now.

    My apartment complex is BIG. My front door doesn't face out towards the parking area, so you wouldn't be able to find it, unless you were walking around the inside area. The problem is my patio faces the parking lot. The only parking in front of it is reserved parking, so at least that's a plus.

    I like what the one poster said about just asking him "why" when he spouts his nonsense.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • missbanjomissbanjo Posts: 3,088Registered Users
    I wouldn't take it that lightly, the guy is stalking you. /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FStalking" class="Popup I know wikipedia isn't considered a good resource for college papers (not mine anyway) but it's a good resource to start researching further.

    Personally I'd quietly try to find another job, it might take a while but this is wayyy too creepy for me. On the side I would probably do as some others have suggested and get the neighbors involved or suggest to him that the neighbors might call the cops. Does he know you've seen him in your parking lot?

    I'd also be considering searching him out online, see if anything similar has shown up that he's done that isn't kosher.

    Just remember if your gut says it's weird then listen to it. And remember that when we hear about the crazy killers in the news it's always "he was such a great guy/neighbor" types of comments.
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  • MoppyTMoppyT Posts: 998Registered Users
    What happens if he sees you while on his milkshakes-and-mom stakeout? Does he wave, try to talk to you, duck down behind the steering wheel, etc.?

    This is seriously one of the oddest things I have ever heard of an employer doing. Would he be embarrassed if you brought it up in front of other people, like patients or his wife? You could shame him into stopping.
    The best revenge is living well. The second best revenge is fire ants.
  • midgimidgi Posts: 2,409Registered Users
    I think it's beyond weird. His behavior is really disturbing. I would be terrified, quite honestly. It's one thing to make a family tree of someone else's family, but to sit outside your house with his elderly mother drinking milkshakes??? That's beyond strange. I would quit after I found another job.
    I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
  • journotravelerjournotraveler Posts: 2,816Registered Users
    midgi wrote: »
    I think it's beyond weird. His behavior is really disturbing. I would be terrified, quite honestly. It's one thing to make a family tree of someone else's family, but to sit outside your house with his elderly mother drinking milkshakes??? That's beyond strange. I would quit after I found another job.

    This.

    Lotsa, I know that you don't think he's dangerous. But he is. Seriously, this is disturbing. I like the suggestion to have a hypothetical conversation with a cop, just to be sure.

    Please start looking for another job. I know it's hard out there, but this is not good for you. You have every right to complain about this--and to be concerned.
    3B corkscrews with scatterings of 3A & 3C.
  • curlypearlcurlypearl Posts: 11,970Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I thought he was weird when he drank his bowel-prep drink and then came to work and had explosive diarrhea in the office all day. That isn't normal.

    I agree that most dentists are weird. Gynecologists are almost-always weird too. There must be something about spending your day looking at orafices that messes with your brain.

    ANYWAY...I think you should just be vague and non-committal with him about everything.

    :sign5: at the bolded. However, the situation isn't funny at all. It makes my skin crawl. Seriously, look for another job.
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  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    midgi wrote: »
    I think it's beyond weird. His behavior is really disturbing. I would be terrified, quite honestly. It's one thing to make a family tree of someone else's family, but to sit outside your house with his elderly mother drinking milkshakes??? That's beyond strange. I would quit after I found another job.


    I agree...and he has a wife?!


    and I want to be a dentist, I'm not crazy!! Its rude to stereotype people.



    I like the why idea too. I hope he stops lotsa!

    :cya:
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    MoppyT wrote: »
    What happens if he sees you while on his milkshakes-and-mom stakeout? Does he wave, try to talk to you, duck down behind the steering wheel, etc.?

    This is seriously one of the oddest things I have ever heard of an employer doing. Would he be embarrassed if you brought it up in front of other people, like patients or his wife? You could shame him into stopping.

    He'd probably wave and want to talk. He's told me he goes there on the weekend. He isn't hiding it from me. That would really make me nervous.

    The place he gets the milkshakes is about 3 blocks from my house. He seems to think it's only natural that he would then park in my parking lot to drink them. I've suggested a nearby park.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users
    I just had an idea. I recently met a social group at the apartment complex. They are a group of about 10 people, male & female, who cook out together, swim, go to night clubs, etc. They are a really nice group and I've been invited to have dinner tonight with all of them. I'm going to bring this up and see if they have any ideas. They all live in the complex, so they can keep an eye out for him. I, also, think it's a good idea that my neighbors know what is going on.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    MoppyT wrote: »
    What happens if he sees you while on his milkshakes-and-mom stakeout? Does he wave, try to talk to you, duck down behind the steering wheel, etc.?

    This is seriously one of the oddest things I have ever heard of an employer doing. Would he be embarrassed if you brought it up in front of other people, like patients or his wife? You could shame him into stopping.

    He'd probably wave and want to talk. He's told me he goes there on the weekend. He isn't hiding it from me. That would really make me nervous.

    The place he gets the milkshakes is about 3 blocks from my house. He seems to think it's only natural that he would then park in my parking lot to drink them. I've suggested a nearby park.
    How about his own house? Or the [buylink=http://www.curlmart.com/CURLS-Curls-Milkshake-p-884.html?utm_source=naturallycurly.com&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=curltalk-post-text&utm_campaign=Curls-Curls-Milkshake]milkshake[/buylink] place itself? He makes no sense. What would really stop him is if he went too far with a patient and s/he reported him.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

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    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
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