CurlTalk

Being natural you can only date white men

Cali ChikCali Chik Posts: 1,494Registered Users
I remember a while back there was a thread in the Hall of Shame where this (white) girl said another (white) girl told her that because her hair was curly she could only date black guys. I thought the comment was so stupid it was funny. But anyway, I was talkin to this a young woman the other day and she's married to a white guy. I know a few naturals that are married to white guys actually and I brought this up to her in the conversation (I know it sounds weird to bring up but trust me in fit in our extensive conversation). So she tells me "Being natural, you can really only get white guys to date you." I had never really heard of that. I mean I heard of non-naturals saying things like "Women with natural hair claim to be pro black but marry white men." but I never heard a natural say that white guys are the only ones that will date them.

Now I don't see a lot of white ppl on a regular basis but When I'm out somewhere and it's a racially diverse crowd, I do notice that white guys (and latino guys) talk to me. But even when I had braid extensions it was like that. I always assumed it was cuz I have a flat @ss and big breasts. I never thought my hair would be a reason. I told her that I've only dated black guys and I met my current boyfriend while I was rockin a fro. And in fact when I first went natural I was hit on by black guys quite often.

I dunno, I just thought it was weird coming from a natural haired black woman.
subbrock wrote: »
- don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.

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Comments

  • blessedhimeblessedhime Posts: 1,458Registered Users
    I agree with you. That was a weird statement coming from another natural. The thing is, regardless of race, once a guy sees a girl that he likes (natural or not), he will make a move. Yes there are some ignorant guys who believe in the superficial nature of beauty but there are many others who do not.
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  • FoxyCleopatraFoxyCleopatra Posts: 412Registered Users
    I agree that is an odd statement. I get more attention from men in general when my hair is in it's natural state. Yes I have been approached or hit on by white men, but it is about the same as black men. I think my natural hair just sets me apart a bit because the majority of black women here in MI have relaxers or wear their hair straight, so perhaps I'm easier to spot lol. I get compliments from people of all races too, so I don't think having natural hair limits you to dating simply one race, unless you just prefer to date a certain kind of people. I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity employer.
  • mzmillionmzmillion Posts: 874Registered Users
    I don't agree with the statement or thinking but I can see where she might have adapted that reasoning. I have seen and heard so many black men try to discredit black women who are natural. Like hair makes them a person...they fail to realize, understand, and can't accept natural hair. Not all black men but alot. I can see where a woman would think or feel more accepted by a different race, they may feel they are looking at them as a whole person and not noticing the big thing with there hair where as a black man is depicting and looking at the hair as an issue.
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  • DecagurlDecagurl Posts: 107Registered Users
    The problem stems from black men being trained and raised to oppose natural black beauty. Weaves, Beyonce wanna be's do not represent true afro-centric beauty. So when we rock twist outs, curls and whurls, they dont like it. We exude a different confidence when we are natural, and it attracts all types of men that maybe other wise would have turned their heads when we talked around with ridiculous barbie striaght weaves.
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  • HipsterSoulHipsterSoul Posts: 1,017Registered Users
    She's just saying that white men prefer black women that are natural. Some black men like it too, some don't. Same with white
    men. It's nothing new.
  • threesnappsthreesnapps Posts: 40Registered Users
    I can't speak for everyone, but this has been the case for me ever since I BC-d. Saying this though, I do live in Arizona, and there's not too many black people out here anyways...
  • HipsterSoulHipsterSoul Posts: 1,017Registered Users
    Natural hair on black women does make them look more approachable so that could be the case.

    Some black men have their self hate issues they won't get over and some white men just find it beautiful and different.

    My fiancé knew nothing about hair issues of black women b4 meeting me. Now he doesn't understand why all black women won't go natural.

    You see it as white men loving natural hair, but it's the natural hair that's bringing out your features and beauty and they see that.
  • helloyellowbirdhelloyellowbird Banned Posts: 1,632Banned Users
    I haven't noticed a difference in the men who approach me. Black, Asian, Latino, etc. all men approach me. Black men actually call me beautiful when I walk past them, so IDK. Maybe it's for other people, but not for me. Also, my exboyfriend who was Japanese told me that he loved my hair. My good friend from Germany can't stop touching my puffs, it's equal attention I believe.
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  • bklyn_bellebklyn_belle Posts: 423Registered Users
    I get hit on by more Latino, Asian, and White men than Black now that my hair is natural and it used to get me down because I like Black guys. The only Black guys who really take to me are the more conscious ones which is scarce around here :/ or ones that are biracial. For some reason Biracial guys seem to gravitate towards me a whooooooole lot. I've just learned to live with it. But don't get it twisted there are non Black guys out there who dislike anything that isn't straight or Blonde sooooo.......
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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    I get hit on by more Latino, Asian, and White men than Black now that my hair is natural and it used to get me down because I like Black guys. The only Black guys who really take to me are the more conscious ones which is scarce around here :/ or ones that are biracial. For some reason Biracial guys seem to gravitate towards me a whooooooole lot. I've just learned to live with it. But don't get it twisted there are non Black guys out there who dislike anything that isn't straight or Blonde sooooo.......

    It's the same brainwashing that happens with black guys who have kinky hair who get outraged when a black woman chooses to wear her hair the way it naturally grows. After all, there are a lot of white and light skin non-white women walking around with obviously damaged fake blond hair who are trying to fit an ideal, similar to the many black women who relax their hair to the point where they go bald.
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    Cali Chik wrote: »
    Now I don't see a lot of white ppl on a regular basis but When I'm out somewhere and it's a racially diverse crowd, I do notice that white guys (and latino guys) talk to me. But even when I had braid extensions it was like that. I always assumed it was cuz I have a flat @ss and big breasts.
    :laughing6::laughing6::laughing6:




    but anywho, self hating folks will always find an excuse not to date their own race. in my best mr. t voice: i pity the fool who thinks they can only date white dudes because they went natural!
  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    subbrock wrote: »
    Cali Chik wrote: »
    Now I don't see a lot of white ppl on a regular basis but When I'm out somewhere and it's a racially diverse crowd, I do notice that white guys (and latino guys) talk to me. But even when I had braid extensions it was like that. I always assumed it was cuz I have a flat @ss and big breasts.
    :laughing6::laughing6::laughing6:




    but anywho, self hating folks will always find an excuse not to date their own race. in my best mr. t voice: i pity the fool who thinks they can only date white dudes because they went natural!


    hahahahahaahahh!!
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  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Posts: 6,446Registered Users
    It's a common misperception for sure, but I can see where it comes from. Many Black men made negative comments when I went natural - much more than men of other races. Things like, "Okay Angela Davis...oh you tryna be a soul sista now? Where are the other Black Panthers?" They are so used to yearning for weaved up Beyonce types (my chick bad) and looking for standards of beauty in hip hop culture that their perceptions can be seen as a little muddled.

    That being said - I think they don't actually know what they like and when they see beautiful natural hair they realize their error. My bf is black and he definitely was telling me that he thought that he liked the whole sleek and straight thing, but now he likes curly/natural hair better; he'd never ask me to straighten my hair. However, he may just be appeasing me b/c he doesn't want to get popped, lol!
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  • Crazy Kinky CurlyCrazy Kinky Curly Posts: 116Registered Users
    I don't know...I think it's about where you live and how you see yourself. When I lived in Detroit, lots of Black men approached me. When I lived in Texas, I got hit on by loads of Latino men. Now that I live in California it seems to be a free for all. Even when I travel abroad to and interact with men from vastly different cultures it doesn't seem to matter. My first week Thailand I was a little surprised when I was approached by a Chinese man and actually responded with "really? why?" (haha!) I have been back and forth with relaxed and natural hair for the last 9 years and it doesn't seem to make a difference with men at all. I think if you're comfortable with yourself (with any hairstyle) then *most* men (given that they are attracted to your general physical beauty of course) will respond to that. If, however, you are still a bit self-conscious and worried about how other people perceive your personality as a result of your hair (i.e. Black men won't like but White men will) you will probably act accordingly and seem to only attract White men.

    Jeez, I'm wordy today...
  • ~Curly~~Curly~ Banned Posts: 772Banned Users
    Cali Chik wrote: »
    I remember a while back there was a thread in the Hall of Shame where this (white) girl said another (white) girl told her that because her hair was curly she could only date black guys. I thought the comment was so stupid it was funny. But anyway, I was talkin to this a young woman the other day and she's married to a white guy. I know a few naturals that are married to white guys actually and I brought this up to her in the conversation (I know it sounds weird to bring up but trust me in fit in our extensive conversation). So she tells me "Being natural, you can really only get white guys to date you." I had never really heard of that. I mean I heard of non-naturals saying things like "Women with natural hair claim to be pro black but marry white men." but I never heard a natural say that white guys are the only ones that will date them.

    Now I don't see a lot of white ppl on a regular basis but When I'm out somewhere and it's a racially diverse crowd, I do notice that white guys (and latino guys) talk to me. But even when I had braid extensions it was like that. I always assumed it was cuz I have a flat @ss and big breasts. I never thought my hair would be a reason. I told her that I've only dated black guys and I met my current boyfriend while I was rockin a fro. And in fact when I first went natural I was hit on by black guys quite often.

    I dunno, I just thought it was weird coming from a natural haired black woman.
    Lmaoooo :laughing2::crybaby::thumbup: that was so silly lol butt anyway... I actually find it kinda the opposite, I think many naturals see themselves as progressive and SEEK out white men.. thats just my opinion.. not saying that some black guys don't have a problem with it, but generally speaking if your hair is on point and looks cute most guys aren't gonna care what texture it is.. and If he does have a problem with it.. it's your job to enlighten him, show/tell him how ignorant he's being and if he doesnt get it move on, the notion that only white guys will date me because of my hair is the dumbest thing i've heard...

    Like I said i'm not saying some black guys dont have a problem with it, i know some have deep embedded issues, that work on both ends of the spectrum.. I rarely see a black guy lol i have to seek them out... The Asian, White, and Latin men that I have talked to.. my hair is just an after thought although they do ask about it "Oh is your hair really that curly," "Is that your hair naturally? It curls like that or did you do something to it" etc... But the guy i was seeing a few months ago major race issues, he is half latin/black and he had that i'm light skin with good hair, i'm just too fine mentality(and he was really cute lol but not because of that lol) if i'd say my hair was nappy today or something he'd say oh no you aint got nappy hair.. then go on about "what nappy hair is", then go on about ghetto people and how he can't stand them or multi-colored weaves lol and i'd be like wtf all that... he had some major issues... now the current guy i'm seeing major issues as well he's a certified chad occhocinco, (no clue what he's doing with me, last 4 ex's all latin or white, myspace is nothing but latina and white girls :rolleyes:) anyway he'll tell me not to lay on his pillow, he has taken it from under my head before to see if i'm getting any "gherri curl juice" on it lol, we had a little discussion about his gherri curl juice remarks lol so now he won't say anything.. but he did get mad when i put his hat on the other day..said i was getting it all dirty and greasy wtf smh didnt we have a talk about this.. first of all there is never any grease in my hair and no reason for it to be dirty or greasy he knows my hair is natural he just associates black hair with dirty greasyness.. dude has more issues with race than i can count, I know black men in general have major race issues.. but i still think more naturals are seeking white men out especially when a great deal of naturals live in a predominantly black community.. if you want a black man generally it aint hard to find one lol
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  • AmberBrownAmberBrown Posts: 1,072Registered Users
    Welp, I guess someone better tell all the black guys that try to talk to me because of my hair that they need not apply--because I am destined for a white man smh..is there a tee shirt that I can buy from somewhere? I'd like to crush their dreams non verbally, thanks :)
  • bklyn_bellebklyn_belle Posts: 423Registered Users
    The last guy i dated was black and HELLA fine at that lawwddd, he loved my hair and said he wishes all black women to go natural.
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  • *Marah**Marah* Posts: 8,032Registered Users
    I think it's all about a matter of preference and it's not as cut and dry as natural hair or non-natural hair.

    Some white guys won't date a black woman period whether her hair is natural or not. I think mainly it's about if the person finds you generally attractive or not if they can get past the color barrier society creates and it doesn't really matter if your hair is natural.

    Some black men may have an aversion to dating black women with natural hair because of those silly stereotypes..if you have a tight natural you must be militant afro-centric...if it's loose you must be an boho chic earthy chick.

    It's all a bunch of nonsense. I think it's more people of color that have this hang up with the hair cause you never hear any white guys that date black women go.. "Oh I only date black women if their hair is natural." It's more about .. I like this woman and well I really couldn't care less that her skin is not white.

    Cause I triple guarantee you the majority of black women dating or married to white men on average DO NOT have natural hair in the first place.
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  • murrrcatmurrrcat Posts: 9,596Registered Users
    I think it's all about a matter of preference and it's not as cut and dry as natural hair or non-natural hair.

    Some white guys won't date a black woman period whether her hair is natural or not. I think mainly it's about if the person finds you generally attractive or not if they can get past the color barrier society creates and it doesn't really matter if your hair is natural.

    Some black men may have an aversion to dating black women with natural hair because of those silly stereotypes..if you have a tight natural you must be militant afro-centric...if it's loose you must be an boho chic earthy chick.

    It's all a bunch of nonsense. I think it's more people of color that have this hang up with the hair cause you never hear any white guys that date black women go.. "Oh I only date black women if their hair is natural." It's more about .. I like this woman and well I really couldn't care less that her skin is not white.


    Cause I triple guarantee you the majority of black women dating or married to white men on average DO NOT have natural hair in the first place.

    I agree.
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  • NaturalistaNaturalista Posts: 5,491Registered Users
    Cali Chik wrote: »
    I remember a while back there was a thread in the Hall of Shame where this (white) girl said another (white) girl told her that because her hair was curly she could only date black guys. I thought the comment was so stupid it was funny. But anyway, I was talkin to this a young woman the other day and she's married to a white guy. I know a few naturals that are married to white guys actually and I brought this up to her in the conversation (I know it sounds weird to bring up but trust me in fit in our extensive conversation). So she tells me "Being natural, you can really only get white guys to date you." I had never really heard of that. I mean I heard of non-naturals saying things like "Women with natural hair claim to be pro black but marry white men." but I never heard a natural say that white guys are the only ones that will date them.

    Now I don't see a lot of white ppl on a regular basis but When I'm out somewhere and it's a racially diverse crowd, I do notice that white guys (and latino guys) talk to me. But even when I had braid extensions it was like that. I always assumed it was cuz I have a flat @ss and big breasts. I never thought my hair would be a reason. I told her that I've only dated black guys and I met my current boyfriend while I was rockin a fro. And in fact when I first went natural I was hit on by black guys quite often.

    I dunno, I just thought it was weird coming from a natural haired black woman.

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!
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  • AmberBrownAmberBrown Posts: 1,072Registered Users

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!


    Lol I know white guys that say this too! And quote, "I mean, if I wanted my gf to have straight hair, I'd date a white girl"--said with a :dontknow: face
    :laughing2:
  • coracora Posts: 456Registered Users
    I think that white guys who date black women are comfortable with the "other" and all that entails. So when they see a black woman with natural hair that they find attractive they factor in the natural hair as part of the "other" and don't use the Western paradigm for beauty when considering dating the woman.
  • SilverAngel45SilverAngel45 Posts: 244Registered Users
    a lot more white guys have started hitting on me since Ive gine natural... but I don't think its just the naturalness bc i had my hair in a bun where it couldve been relaxed and they still hit on me... I think it might be its becoming more acceptable with all the black women white men couples in the media and all the mixed couples running around lately.... it could also be liquid courage cus a few of these men had a few drinks and dont say anything more than telling me im beautiful and then walking away...
  • NaturalistaNaturalista Posts: 5,491Registered Users
    a lot more white guys have started hitting on me since Ive gine natural... but I don't think its just the naturalness bc i had my hair in a bun where it couldve been relaxed and they still hit on me... I think it might be its becoming more acceptable with all the black women white men couples in the media and all the mixed couples running around lately.... it could also be liquid courage cus a few of these men had a few drinks and dont say anything more than telling me im beautiful and then walking away...

    I think that confidence is everything, and I find that us Naturalista's out here rock our brand from head to toe and that's attractive to any man, no matter the color.
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!

    from my experience, white men who exclusively date black women don't like me because i don't fit the stereotype of relaxed hair/ridiculous weave, dark skin, gangsta boo. i don't know if it's just the area i live in or what. but they tend to gravitate to that type of "authentic" black woman.
  • DangerBlakeyDangerBlakey Posts: 49Registered Users
    Well, if you pay attention to pictures on the interwebs, it'll have you thinking there's a tidal wave of black women dating white men. Natural and otherwise. It's like naturals in the media. It doesn't truly reflect the nation on a whole. I've found that the bigger I wear my hair (closer to picked-out fro), the more men of all races compliment me. They ain't checking for my twists and buns. So far, only black men have asked me out, though.

    And
    AmberBrown wrote: »
    Welp, I guess someone better tell all the black guys that try to talk to me because of my hair that they need not apply--because I am destined for a white man smh..is there a tee shirt that I can buy from somewhere? I'd like to crush their dreams non verbally, thanks :)

    made me giggle out loud.
  • greenandchicgreenandchic Posts: 2,584Registered Users
    I never thought my hair had anything to do with who I date. I thought it had to do with more of where I live, demographics, work environment, etc. I'm from Oakland, lived in the San Francisco Bay Area most of my life where you see mixed couples all the time. Its the norm.

    I recently moved Portland where the black population is substantially less than the SF Bay so who I date will reflect that as well.

    Working in the financial district and now high tech/internet industry, you're not going to see as many blacks in those industries in general.

    Not sure if its all about my hair.
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  • hippychichippychic Posts: 4,673Registered Users
    subbrock wrote: »

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!

    from my experience, white men who exclusively date black women don't like me because i don't fit the stereotype of relaxed hair/ridiculous weave, dark skin, gangsta boo. i don't know if it's just the area i live in or what. but they tend to gravitate to that type of "authentic" black woman.
    call me dense this morning but i'm not following this :help:. are you saying the bolded is an 'authentic' black woman?
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  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
    hippychic wrote: »
    subbrock wrote: »

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!

    from my experience, white men who exclusively date black women don't like me because i don't fit the stereotype of relaxed hair/ridiculous weave, dark skin, gangsta boo. i don't know if it's just the area i live in or what. but they tend to gravitate to that type of "authentic" black woman.
    call me dense this morning but i'm not following this :help:. are you saying the bolded is an 'authentic' black woman?

    +1. That don't seem authentic to me, that seems lost.:scratch:
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  • *Marah**Marah* Posts: 8,032Registered Users
    subbrock wrote: »

    As a person who was playing in the jungle for a good bit, I will tell you that when a white guy crosses over-- yes he wants to find someone he's attracted to and he likes, but many white men have told me that they're looking for the genuine article. Natural haired girls in their opinion are more authentic (in thier "blackness") Sounds a little crazy that perming my hair would make me "unauthentic". but I guess some folks think that if they're going to cross over...

    then they're going to cross over!

    from my experience, white men who exclusively date black women don't like me because i don't fit the stereotype of relaxed hair/ridiculous weave, dark skin, gangsta boo. i don't know if it's just the area i live in or what. but they tend to gravitate to that type of "authentic" black woman.

    :laughing3:

    ROFLMAO@ "gansta boo" ? They probably think you are biracial anyway! :p
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