superstitious

Amneris

Am I the only superstitious one?

I didn't tell anyone except a couple of very close friends and a few people on line that we were trying for a baby. Only a couple of close friends know we succeeded. I'm dying to tell my family, but I feel that it's too soon ( just over 6 1/2 weeks.) I'm still nervous about a loss. And I'm not even thinking about names or buying baby stuff yet. It just seems way early. I can't imagine anything worse than losing the baby (or, before, finding out I can't have one) and having a house full of baby stuff.

I don't know if this is paranoid, or cultural or what....

curly_keltie

I think it is a very personal decision.

Some people are nervous about telling people too soon in case of a miscarriage. My friend told everyone as soon as she knew. She figured that if she miscarried, she would have everyone's support. Another friend of mine waited until Christmas Day to tell her parents and her husband's parents.

I think you should just do what feels right for you and your husband.

mad scientist

We didn't plan to tell anyone for the first trimester. We ended up telling MIL though, since she lives with us and she would have guessed anyways. And then we figured since we're telling her, we might as well tell my folks. But we didn't tell anyone else including friends and siblings until 13 weeks along.

The funny thing is that I was so sick and out of sorts (this was during the holidays and I wasn't drinking wine and eating sushi or skiing - my 3 favorite things to do) that by the time I actually told everyone there was a collective "Uh, yeah we figured". Most everyone had guessed it already.

I'm superstitious about naming an unborn baby. We didn't pick Karan's name until after he was born (it was on the short-list, if we were to have a boy) but I'm not one to refer to my unborn child by name.

Oregano (formerly babywavy)

I understand not wanting to tell people right away b/c in the case of a miscarriage, you would have to tell the bad news to everyone. It seems like it would be easier to not have to relive it, or have the constant "how are you feeling?" question prompting you to explain your loss.

I could also see not wanting to buy anything too early in case something went wrong. You wouldn't want to have a nursery fully done, or a room full of stuff you've bought to remind you if a possible tragedy happened.

However, the idea that telling people could CAUSE something to happen is ridiculous. Certainly none of these things is going to CAUSE a tragedy like that to happen, only make it harder to cope with if it did.

iris427

Amneris wrote:

Am I the only superstitious one?

I didn't tell anyone except a couple of very close friends and a few people on line that we were trying for a baby. Only a couple of close friends know we succeeded. I'm dying to tell my family, but I feel that it's too soon ( just over 6 1/2 weeks.) I'm still nervous about a loss. And I'm not even thinking about names or buying baby stuff yet. It just seems way early. I can't imagine anything worse than losing the baby (or, before, finding out I can't have one) and having a house full of baby stuff.

I don't know if this is paranoid, or cultural or what....

Amneris, I don't think this is paranoid or superstitious. The first trimester is very vulnerable to miscarriage, more so than the second or third. It is totally understandable that you would not want to tell everyone, buy baby stuff, etc. when the possibility of loss is still at its highest. I think a good rule of thumb in the first trimester is, if you wouldn't want to tell that person about a miscarriage if it happened, then don't tell them about your pregnancy yet.

geeky

Definitely cultural for me. We did not tell a soul we were trying. We told my in-laws because we were visiting them in Florida for a week and they would figure out what was up. Told my parents because we were in the process of buying a house and moving and needed to move in with them temporarily. Did not tell anyone else until after our 13 week U/S. And it's against Jewish tradition to have anything for the baby in the house until the child is born. So no baby showers, no nursery decorating. I had a few essentials sent to my in-laws so they could bring them after the baby came.

Amneris

geeky wrote:

Definitely cultural for me. We did not tell a soul we were trying. We told my in-laws because we were visiting them in Florida for a week and they would figure out what was up. Told my parents because we were in the process of buying a house and moving and needed to move in with them temporarily. Did not tell anyone else until after our 13 week U/S. And it's against Jewish tradition to have anything for the baby in the house until the child is born. So no baby showers, no nursery decorating. I had a few essentials sent to my in-laws so they could bring them after the baby came.

My family has that tradition, too, now that I think about it. Our parents keep that stuff for us at their house.

shellibean

I am usually a pretty superstitious person, but for some reason, I haven't been ata ll superstitious about anything baby related. Probably because I was too excited to keep it a secret! I was about to expolde if I didn't tell people! And, if something (God forbide) should happen, then I woudl want to be able to have my family and friends knowing about it so they can help me through it.

mad scientist

Indians also don't have a Baby shower. We actually have a "Mother-to-be" Shower in the 7th month, where you make the pregnant gal her favorite foods and buy her little things for herself, but never anything for the baby.

Amneris

mad scientist wrote:

Indians also don't have a Baby shower. We actually have a "Mother-to-be" Shower in the 7th month, where you make the pregnant gal her favorite foods and buy her little things for herself, but never anything for the baby.

Caribbean people don't either (nor do we have wedding showers), but many have adapted the custom living in North America, so I imagine I may have one or two - I did have wedding showers.

Family give gifts to new mothers after the baby is born informally, and the big party/gift-giving is the christening.

Amneris

shelli wrote:

I am usually a pretty superstitious person, but for some reason, I haven't been ata ll superstitious about anything baby related. Probably because I was too excited to keep it a secret! I was about to expolde if I didn't tell people! And, if something (God forbide) should happen, then I woudl want to be able to have my family and friends knowing about it so they can help me through it.

It's a tough decision, because I'm excited and bursting to tell, too, and I do see the logic of having support in the event of a m/c (though I suppose you could just tell them then....) but part of me feels "wrong" about telling. Babywavy, I know telling can't cause a miscarriage, but part of me still worries about that.

DarkAngel

I wasn't superstitious but I worried my butt off. We told the entire world before I was even 4 weeks. I stressed and worried as I was waiting to see heartbeat, hear heartbeat, reach end of first trimester, see that the baby had all of his parts, reach viability. I just knew something would wrong. I finally calmed down and stopped worrying so much right before things got strange.

I didn't buy the first baby item until after I found out he was a boy. That was around 18.5 weeks so still too early really.

velvet paws

Since we are trying again, we made the decision not to tell anyone until after we get a confirmation of the baby's heartbeat at the eight week ultrasound. I had a miscarriage at six weeks, three days the last time I was pregnant and I had just told my family about the pregnancy at that point. It was very painful to have to tell them that I miscarried, so when I get pregnant, we're waiting this time around. I only told one friend that I was trying again at all and then she beat me to it by getting pregnant first, the beeyotch

The threat of miscarriage is so high in the first trimester (15 - 25%, depending on who you ask - especially before that first ultrasound) that I really want to wait. Telling people certainly doesn't cause anything to go wrong though.

journotraveler

i just lost a pregnancy at almost 10 weeks, unfortunately, my 3rd miscarriage. i told a just a handful of close friends and my sister because i was a nervous wreck thanks to my previous losses and needed to talk to someone who'd already been pregnant or was pregnant. my dh didn't tell a soul because he didn't want to jinx things. it really helped to have the support when i was worried about every little twinge & cramp. and now that i'm recovering, i'm really glad to have the support. the first trimester can be a dicey time, as others have noted, and if you've had a loss before, it's understandable to be ultra wary about spilling the beans. but i have no regrets about how i handled things. and if i'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, i think i would do it the same way.

wishing you a happy & healthy pregnancy.

Amneris

journotraveler wrote:

i just lost a pregnancy at almost 10 weeks, unfortunately, my 3rd miscarriage. i told a just a handful of close friends and my sister because i was a nervous wreck thanks to my previous losses and needed to talk to someone who'd already been pregnant or was pregnant. my dh didn't tell a soul because he didn't want to jinx things. it really helped to have the support when i was worried about every little twinge & cramp. and now that i'm recovering, i'm really glad to have the support. the first trimester can be a dicey time, as others have noted, and if you've had a loss before, it's understandable to be ultra wary about spilling the beans. but i have no regrets about how i handled things. and if i'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, i think i would do it the same way.

wishing you a happy & healthy pregnancy.

So sorry to hear about your losses. (ETA - you AND velvet paws.) I hope you have a better outcome next time.

sunday

I am Jewish and in following our tradition, did not have one thing in my house for the baby. My parents bought us furniture and bedding and kept it in their basement. They went to my house and set it up while I was in the hospital. My coworkers gave me a shower after my son was born. The only exception I made was to install the car seat b/c I wanted to make sure it was done correctly. Another superstitious thing I did was to tie a red ribbon around my son's bassinet, supposedly to protect him from evil.

journotraveler

So sorry to hear about your losses. (ETA - you AND velvet paws.) I hope you have a better outcome next time.

thank you! (and i'm sorry to hear of your loss velvet paws.) just wanted add this: if i am lucky next time, i will try to find a way to worry less. i hope you're not worrying too much and are enjoying your pregnancy, whatever superstitions you adhere to.

CGE

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

I do not want to find out I'm pregnant then freak out because of all the things that need to be done. I would rather be prepared and have a mental list of what we need to do and buy.

I understand cultural differences, but Baptists have no such cultural dictations.

geeky

CGE wrote:

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

I do not want to find out I'm pregnant then freak out because of all the things that need to be done. I would rather be prepared and have a mental list of what we need to do and buy.

I understand cultural differences, but Baptists have no such cultural dictations.

The way I look at it, it's not that doing these things will make anyone miscarry. I look at it as if you would be comfortable discussing a possible miscarriage with someone, then it's OK to tell them you are pregnant early on. But if you wouldn't want to discuss something unfortunate with them, then best to wait a while. Same with buying things - the reasoning behind the Jewish tradition is that if, tptb forbid, somehting should go wrong, a nursery that's been already set up, would only make things more painful.

But I think people should do whatever they are comfortable with.

Amneris

CGE wrote:

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

I do not want to find out I'm pregnant then freak out because of all the things that need to be done. I would rather be prepared and have a mental list of what we need to do and buy.

I understand cultural differences, but Baptists have no such cultural dictations.

I don't think I ever said I think those things cause one to miscarry. I think babywavy brought that up.

I think for me it was more about self-preservation. We got pregnant quickly - way quicker than I thought - but because I have irregular length cycles and other non standard issues, I was worried that there might be a problem, and I didn't want the whole world to know I was trying and then it took me a year or more to get pregnant (or I fouind out I couldn't) and everyone would be asking me about it, giving me advice, wondering why I'm not yet etc. while I was stressing about it. I definitely wouldn't want to be sitting looking at baby stuff that was not being used. Plus to me, it's kind of personal to have the world know that. People are different as to what they are comfortable sharing. I've been asked when we're having a baby since literally the week after the wedding!

As to buying stuff, like geeky said, I think it would just be more heartbreaking for something to happen and every time I see the crib and teddy bears it opens the wound again. I'm sensitive like that. And I guess I plan on doing things more the old-fashioned way - I'm not buying a bunch of stuff for the baby. He'll get the basics and I'll be putting the extra money away for his future, so there isn't that much to do, other than get our lives in order.

That's totally me, though. If you're comfortable and happy with what you're doing, it's definitely not wrong. A lot of people are like you. My best friend isn't pregnant yet and has her crib and the baby's room painted, and she's fine with that.

Oregano (formerly babywavy)

Amneris wrote:

CGE wrote:

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

I do not want to find out I'm pregnant then freak out because of all the things that need to be done. I would rather be prepared and have a mental list of what we need to do and buy.

I understand cultural differences, but Baptists have no such cultural dictations.

I don't think I ever said I think those things cause one to miscarry. I think babywavy brought that up.

.

The thread is called "superstitious". That's what superstition means.

An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.


I didn't "bring it up", I was going on your OP of the thread.


Yes, Geeky, I totally agree with you on that.

itsjustmeghan

we waited until we saw the heartbeat and knew it was in the right place before we told our families. i didn't tell anyone at work until after the first trimester. i went with the whole thinking that if something did happen, i wanted to have that support. i can't imagine calling my parents, crying and saying, i was pregnant, and i'm not anymore. we thought it'd be easier to deal with it if we had a support group in place already.
work people don't need to know until it's past the point where it's less likely.

i don't think you can really jinx yourself with having baby stuff around. just make it harder to deal with later because of all he baby stuff reminding you. i didn't buy anything for owen myself. in my 8th month i sewed his bumper and crib skirt, and i knit him a hat. other then that, it was all given to me as gifts.

then again, everybody is different!

CGNYC

When my best friend got pregnant for the first time, she started calling people before the pee was dry on the stick. Almost a year later, after she had miscarried very early on, people were still asking her when the baby was due or of she'd had the baby. I felt so bad for her, I know it was terribly difficult.

Because of that, we thought we wouldn't tell anyone till after the first trimester BUT I was NOT planning to get pregnant, it was a TOTAL shock, and I found out like two hours before my husband was leaving the country for a week. So yeah, I told my mom...who told everyone. BUt I didn't BUY anything (that was more denial than superstition) till after I found out she was a girl. I didn't have furniture till like the weekend before I had her.

I'm just not much of a planner.

I was so freaked out for my first pregnancy. I have maybe ONE pic of me pregnant. I'm going to enjoy the next one. Really. Get ready for some attention whoring the likes of which you've never seen.

OH, but we're not like trying or anything. She's not even a year old! And when we do start, we won't tell people (ok, online people and very best friend...maybe) because really, do I want people to know that much about my um, personal life? Not really!

CGE

babywavy wrote:

Amneris wrote:

CGE wrote:

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

I do not want to find out I'm pregnant then freak out because of all the things that need to be done. I would rather be prepared and have a mental list of what we need to do and buy.

I understand cultural differences, but Baptists have no such cultural dictations.

I don't think I ever said I think those things cause one to miscarry. I think babywavy brought that up.

.

The thread is called "superstitious". That's what superstition means.

An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.


I didn't "bring it up", I was going on your OP of the thread.


Yes, Geeky, I totally agree with you on that.

That's what I thought, too. I answered the question about supersitions. Cultural traditions are completely different from superstitions.

deezee02

Telling people I am trying is not going to make me miscarry.
Trying to decide which crib is best or get an idea about bedding and other things we will need will not make me miscarry.

ITA...

I peed on a stick with my 2 best friends in the room with me, hubby was the 4th to know. I did not hide the fact that i was pregnant from anybody, everyone important knew after i heard the heartbeat (at 8 weeks)

I found out at 30 weeks my son had a good chance of not surviving...actually, he had a 0% chance with out surgery or a heart transplant and even then, only a 70% chance at best. His condition is so bad that most dr.'s suggest termination if it is found early enough.

I continued my pregancy as normal. Baby showers, nesting and making up his room, what good is it to worry yourself for 9 months?? Yes, every mother has her fears about her childs welfare, but buying a few items for your baby and keeping them in your house is not going to cause something to happen to your baby.

shellibean

Maybe wait until 12 weeks (when risk of a m/c is lower-according to my books). Maybe you will feel more comfortable. Or you could just tell your parents and/or siblings and ask them to keep it to themselves until you are further along.

curly_keltie

Amneris wrote:

People are different as to what they are comfortable sharing. I've been asked when we're having a baby since literally the week after the wedding!

Aren't people so nosy sometimes! After my brother got married, many people asked when I was going to get married. At the time I was very single and I usually replied "Oh, I will just wait untill I'm pregnant."

I was too much of a smart ass in my youth.

BTW - I hope you have an enjoyable and positive pregnancy.