The Opposition is STRONG- HELP

NaturallyInspiredNaturallyInspired Posts: 6Registered Users
Hey ladies,

I am writing to you for words of affirmation and encouragement. I had my last relaxer 6 months ago and I have had two Trims/cuts since then. I have yet to do a BC and I don't think I will anytime soon. Though I am loving my journey the man I love is not and I am facing great opposition from him. It is really frustrating because it is hurtful when he responds negatively to my awkward hair days or fawns over women with long luscious relaxed hair. I have continued to stay strong, during my transition thus far I have only thought about relaxing my hair one time. I feel my self-esteem being affected every time I have a bad hair day or I am criticized. I am just hoping that you all will be able to offer me some words of encouragement I need...

Thanx
Hair Type: 4a
Ultimate Goal: Waist Length


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Comments

  • forbeeforbee Posts: 441Registered Users
    Does he know why you are going natural? Maybe if he knew your motivations behind it, he would be more supportive. I mean, he may not like your hair, but it's not his, and he shouldn't think he has any rights to your head.

    I decided to go natural last year after a disastrous relaxer in which my friend put a relaxer in my fine hair and left it in for longer than the maximum time on the box. She insisted it was "really coarse"--and I should have stopped her the moment she said that. Because she acted as though she had never seen highly textured hair before (strange, she was black like myself) and furthermore, assumed that my hair was "tough" just because it was tightly coiled, even though it was really fragile. She could have left the relaxer on for minimum time and still got my hair straight. My hair never liked relaxers anyway.

    At any rate...I am glad she messed up my hair because it made me give up the relaxer. Unfortunately...I haven't had much support. One natural acquaintance and my white friend with stick straight hair supported the decision. Everyone else-- the friend who relaxed my hair, another friend who had encouraged me to go natural but then balked at my "bad" hair, and even my mother--was in opposition of the hair. My mother is particularly hard to deal with...and doesn't seem to care that the relaxer is breaking off her once thick, lovely hair. But whatever.

    But back to you. You can explain to him exactly how much it hurts that he is pining after straight-haired women in front of you (sometimes men are obtuse, lol)...or maybe show him the evidence that relaxers are bad for the hair and body. (If you can find it, show him the research on the autopsies with the green slime coating the brain of relaxed folks...who wants to live with brain damage?)

    You've come too far...stay strong and keep striving for beautiful, healthy hair...
    last relaxer 08/08/09
    all natural since 7/30/10


    Shrinkage happens.
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It is really frustrating because it is hurtful when he responds negatively to my awkward hair days or fawns over women with long luscious relaxed hair.
    Have you told him this?
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • aislinaislin Posts: 864Registered Users
    It is really frustrating because it is hurtful when he responds negatively to my awkward hair days or fawns over women with long luscious relaxed hair.
    Have you told him this?

    +1

    My SO is also a long, straight hair lover and that was only part of the reason I decided to permanently straighten. I am transitioning and getting back to curly (just did a big cut on Friday) too. It's not easy to deal with someone that has a very specific opinion of what is attractive. They like what they like and that's their right, but when they love you, they need to learn to respect what you want for yourself and not make it insulting to tell you what they prefer.

    If natural is what you want, and what you think is attractive, your confidence alone is going to be more attractive to the person you're with than the self image issues that come along with trying to be something you're not for someone else s expectations and pleasures.
    Wurly, fine, thin, moderately to heavily porous. Mod CG.

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