OVER 40, dating and NOT dating

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Comments

  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    It sounds to me like maybe you should put it off until you need a bit less "me" time.

    On the other hand, friendship first is a nice way to ease into something more, should you find yourself wanting that.
  • curlyinohiocurlyinohio Posts: 362Registered Users
    I was single for eleven years, and very happy and fulfilled. I felt no need for a partner whatsoever. A male friend and I gradually became closer, much to MY surprise, as I had serious trust issues. ( my previous marriage was a terrible domestic violence situation.) Since this friendship went on for a few years, he earned my trust long before I ever imagined that there would be a reason to. During friendship the pressure and suspicion aren't there, if you're not expecting it to go anywhere anyway. ( hope I'm making sense here.) Anyway, long story short, we did gradually become a couple, and we are now married. I NEVER expected it to happen. I was OK with my life as it was, and looked forward to the future by myself. I can honestly say, if I hadn't met this man, and was still alone, I'd be happy.

    My point is, you sound like the same kind of person, maybe for different reasons. If something's meant to happen, with this guy or any other, fine. If not, fine. Just enjoy this guy's friendship for now. You can never have too many friends, right? Keep the pressure off, for both your sakes. If something does happen, it will be authentic. Enjoy the great aspects of singleness, as it sounds like you're doing. If you do decide to be part of a partnership, just examine yourself thoroughly, to make sure you're ready to make that transition from "me" to "us".
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  • 2poodles2poodles Posts: 2,485Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    If you're good friends online, you can remain good friends if you meet each other. The relationship will only deepen if you allow it. On the other hand, I suppose there's a potential for one of you to want a closer relationship and to be disappointed if the other doesn't feel the same way. That would affect your online friendship. But you know what? That's life. There are no guarantees. Do what feels best to you - and just be up front with him about how you feel.
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  • curlyinohiocurlyinohio Posts: 362Registered Users
    You are most welcome.
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  • LadyV69LadyV69 Posts: 3,397Registered Users
    A-it's perfectly fine if you don't want to date. I'm 40 and I haven't dated in a year. And I don't want to any time soon either. I don't want to deal with the games and the stress. Society thinks that women are incomplete if we're not part of a couple. And also there must be something wrong with you if you're aren't coupled, particularly if you're 40 and over. I say screw that ish.

    This online guy may not necessarily want to take things beyond friendship. But in my experience, the older I get, the less likely that men want to be "just" friends. They either want something serious or they just want sex. Nothing in-between. I'm not sure men know how to be just friends with women, really. So I totally understand why you don't want to meet the guy and run the risk of changing the parameters of your relationship.
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    IMO - Dating at my age is optional. You have to be in the mood - relationships take work. A Romantic relationship is ONE SLICE OF THE PIE - NOTHING IS EVEYTHING (yes, not even our kids, job, you name it).

    Plus to the OP - I require - AND ALWAYS HAVE - alot of alone time...... Just like some people like to socialize constantly. I'm not lonely nor selfish; it nourishes me. Its what I need to feel whole and therefore be my best Me for those around me.
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  • rbbrbb Posts: 4,352Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    if you do meet, i'd keep the pressure off by keeping in mind that he is a friend, you are getting together with a friend. that way, whatever it is and will be, friends or more, will develop naturally.
    dating is difficult at this age. i prefer to always approach it as a friendship, it can be lots more, or nothing else. but a true friendship is rare and valuable.
    i think if you don't meet, you'd might wonder down the road what that would have been like.
    and, be sure to keep us posted, let us know if you meet and are glad you did. if it remains a friendship, so much nicer to add the 'in person' component. good luck!

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  • rbbrbb Posts: 4,352Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    i think a man/woman friendship does work as long as both are on the same page, wanting friendship only. i have several male friends, we have no interest in dating each other. i had one who was my best friend, we were extremely close, were each other's support in all areas of our lives, family, work, relationships, spiritual, intellectually, anything and everything.... we had a serious phone relationship, lol, and intermittently would get together in person, sometimes every week, sometimes not for months, depending on our schedules. he died last year and i miss him terribly, but am happy he was in my life as we both added so much to the other's life.

    3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity :-(
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  • teachermrwteachermrw Posts: 269Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    The urge to date, for me at least, comes in fits and spurts. Although I would like to be successfully partnered, I don't lament over it. I joined eharmony about three years ago, but didn't like it because the men weren't open to interracial relationships. I am now on an interracial dating site, where I have been a member since October 2008. It's been a slow journey. I've chatted with many men, and have had dates with three. It's a slow process, whether online or in daily interactions. Don't be fooled into thinking that online dating=more dates, more quickly. It doesn't, at least it hasn't for me.
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