can she make me??

justme16justme16 Registered Users Posts: 36
i am going to begin transitioning again soon. i'm wondering if my mother can make me get a perm? i'm 16 and she believes that i can't go natural. i have shown her all the pictures of people with natural hair who've transitioned and she said they had good hair and they can do that but you can't.

but back to my question can my mother make me get a perm?
BC 10/5/12 after 4 months of transitioning!:afro:

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Low Porosity, High Density, Coarse, 4a/4b

Current Products:
Tresemme Naturals 'Poo & Condish
Moisturizers: Elasta QP Olive Oil and Mango Butter Moisturizer,Beautiful Textures Moisture Butter,& BB Oil Moisturizer
Leave In: Cantu Leave-in

Searching for the best products for my hair

Comments

  • xodevinxodevin Registered Users Posts: 478
    Definitely not. Stand up for you and your hair's health! You can do it! (:
    curly hair and proud (:
  • lovelovelovelovelovelove Registered Users Posts: 257
    There's no such thing as good hair! You'll get nice result (so called "good hair") if you take care of it, and ge it healthy. I say go for it!:) It's your hair, after all. Best of luck!
    Ca m'a fait de la pé-peine!:love7:
  • OperaDivaOperaDiva Registered Users Posts: 354
    I have no idea about the legality of it, but I'm guessing the answer is probably no. Hopefully someone else can help you out!

    Maybe try a different strategy, saying something like "let me try this for "x" amount of months (until you're 18 and she DEFINITELY can't make you do ANYTHING) and if it looks awful I'll think about relaxing again."
    Jessica, proud mama to Hunter (9-18-09)
    3a/F/ii, high porosity

    Products
    Co-wash: Suave Naturals Tropical Coconut, V05 Volumizing
    Conditioner: AOGPB, Garnier Sleek and Shine
    Leave in: Suave Naturals Tropical coconut
    Gel: LA Looks Mega hold, Ecostyler Black, SOTC with shea butter/cocoa butter/sweet almond oil
    Off-day spritz: Lavender mist
    Hair likes Obscene amounts of protein
    Hair dislikes
    Too much oil

    http://public.fotki.com/OperaTeacherMom/hair-going-cg/


    CG since 5/8/10
  • wavyblondewavyblonde Registered Users Posts: 1,637 Curl Neophyte
    I guess she can, since you're underage and your mother, but it's not very nice of her not to consider your wishes. Make it clear to her how important this is to you, and tell her how dangerous relaxers are to your hair and scalp. Tell her you would like her to give you at least a year to try it, and then if it doesn't work out, you'll consider other options (but it will look fabulous, so it won't matter!).

    Also, tell her the idea of some having "good hair" and others not is an outdated concept. Different textures are perfectly beautiful in their own right.
    2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

    Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
    Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
    Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
    Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
    SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
    http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/
  • justme16justme16 Registered Users Posts: 36
    thanks for the help. i've explained everything to her and she agrees. but she believes the only way to go natural is to cut all of my hair off.

    well this is in some way true but you don't have to in the beginning.

    Help please:)
    BC 10/5/12 after 4 months of transitioning!:afro:

    event.png


    Low Porosity, High Density, Coarse, 4a/4b

    Current Products:
    Tresemme Naturals 'Poo & Condish
    Moisturizers: Elasta QP Olive Oil and Mango Butter Moisturizer,Beautiful Textures Moisture Butter,& BB Oil Moisturizer
    Leave In: Cantu Leave-in

    Searching for the best products for my hair
  • xodevinxodevin Registered Users Posts: 478
    Well, you can do her method, or you can cut off a few inches at a time and keep growing new healthy hair out and trimming off the damaged ends until all your hair is healthy.
    curly hair and proud (:
  • justme16justme16 Registered Users Posts: 36
    i kinda convinced her....she said she'll think about.
    But i can't talk to her about hair for 48 hours. :roll:

    hopefully on Tuesday she will say yes.
    BC 10/5/12 after 4 months of transitioning!:afro:

    event.png


    Low Porosity, High Density, Coarse, 4a/4b

    Current Products:
    Tresemme Naturals 'Poo & Condish
    Moisturizers: Elasta QP Olive Oil and Mango Butter Moisturizer,Beautiful Textures Moisture Butter,& BB Oil Moisturizer
    Leave In: Cantu Leave-in

    Searching for the best products for my hair
  • Stephanie198907Stephanie198907 Registered Users Posts: 2,607 Curl Neophyte
    It's your hair not hers so no she cannot make you get a relaxer. It's not like if you refuse she's going to hold you down and force the relaxer on you. I don't know your mother but the most she can do to deter you from transitioning is to not buy you hair products and withold money from you. If that's the case then you'll just have to get creative. Good luck with transitioning.
    Last Relaxer: Nov. 07
    BC: May. 2010 (30 months)
    Hair Type: thick 4b/4a
    Current length: back at APL
    Goal length: hip :color:
    Staples: natural growth aides
  • wavyblondewavyblonde Registered Users Posts: 1,637 Curl Neophyte
    Glad she's listening, justme16! Sounds like she's leaning towards "yes!"
    2c/3a with 2b underlayer. Fine, porous. Loves protein. But not hydrolized wheat protein. Yuck.

    Wash: WEN Sweet Almond Mint or Pomegranate
    Gels: LA Looks Sport Gel
    Mousse: Tigi Catwalk Curlesque
    Curling creams/gellies: Coffee Coco Curling Cream Lite, Spiral Solutions Curl Enhancing Jelly, Curls Gel-les'c
    SOTC: JC N&S (LOVE)
    http://public.fotki.com/wavyblonde/hair-2010/
  • CurlyToastCurlyToast Registered Users Posts: 579
    Legally, you're mother cannot (to my knowledge) tie you to a chair and force you to submit to a perm. That doesn't mean that she can't do other mom-ly things to make life hell, so I don't know what to tell you there. :P

    I was 16 a little more than half a life ago, and I had a (perhaps) atypically permissive mother who additionally gave me and encouraged a *lot* of independence HOWEVAH . . . something strange happens to mothers round about the time their children turn 15-16. It's as if they realize that they only have a precious few years left of potential, hopefully benevolent, dictatorship so it's like they have to cram in as much control as they possibly can, just so they don't get to the other side of 18 and realize there was something else over which they wished to have had influence. :P

    With my mum, this meant knock-down drag-outs over exceptionally trivial and incomprehensibly stupid everyday matters (example: I had purple hair, but a motorcycle jacket was suddenly "inappropriate" Really, Ma?). I learned pretty quickly that, at that age, over matters of personal control/expression, the best way to approach a parent is honestly not to. When mama says it's time for a perm: you're busy and you'll get around to it. When she wants you to use a particular product: buy your own or revert to nonchalance ("This looks interesting, can I try this?" -- no mention that it's been researched as part of a larger way of doing things)

    Quite often it's the little teensy day-to-day matters that mummies take the most offense over changing. It's not rational, but it's as if wanting to attempt something different automatically dismisses the way that she's been doing things for you since forever. Something like hair autonomy is just further reminder that she's raised an independent young adult who's on the cusp of being able to make considerably larger decisions for themself, and no doubt that's a scary thing.

    This may or may not be from whence your own mother comes, but it's something to consider, anyway.

    Good luck :)
  • Sigh-SidheSigh-Sidhe Registered Users Posts: 57
    after the initial shock of me (age 14) declaring "i'm not doing this (perms) to my hair anymore" so i could start bleaching/dyeing, my mom didn't really fight me too much about my hair..

    but a few years later when prom time rolled around she casually announced "you know you have to get a perm"

    ~so be aware of that.. it could happen..
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Registered Users Posts: 15,402 Curl Neophyte
    How to you imagine she would make you get one if you say no?
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • HerAFROness96HerAFROness96 Registered Users Posts: 9
    im 14 and i had this EXACT problem i had with my mom. what worked for me was: i stalled by getting my hair braided of a time peroid of bout 2-3 months[<---the lady tht braided my hair new about being natural and had admitted tht its alot healthier for the hair]; then i went in to this hair salon [this is a differnt lady & it was my first time going ther] and to my surprise the lady tht did my hair was natural. tht lady told my mom tht it was better for me to go natural and my mom had to swallow her pride and listen to EVERYTHING she had to say [which is the same stuff i had argued with her about for a month and a half]. and now i have an appointment with tht same lady on friday to do my big chop :D!!!!!

    - but to answer the main question, im pretty sure she can make u get one; BUT if u rlly RLLY wanted to stop her, you could tell child services the dangers of perms/relaxers [bcuz it can damage ur brain and lungs] and well...they'd handle tht...but thts a bit extreme :P
  • justme16justme16 Registered Users Posts: 36
    - but to answer the main question, im pretty sure she can make u get one; BUT if u rlly RLLY wanted to stop her, you could tell child services the dangers of perms/relaxers [bcuz it can damage ur brain and lungs] and well...they'd handle tht...but thts a bit extreme :P

    ROFLMFAO:laughing5:

    my mom will be cool with the natural thing or "phase" as she sometimes calls it for about 2 months. then she like its time to get a perm im like no its not. and she's like whatever then we go to walmart for no reason. but its actually a trick she says we're going to walmart for like food or whatever and she's actually taking me to the hairdresser. i go to smart style in walmart. and im like no. and since she's in walmart she tries to make a big scene and start yelling. and i dont want to get humilated in wal mart so i give in. but not this time no! i refuse to take a hit of that creamy crack. i will embrace these curls!

    i want to see the look on everyones faces at school when i come back one day with short curly hair! its gonna be hilarious bc theres like no natural (black) people. there's like a handful.

    wish me luck!
    ps: how can i bring out my curls once i've bc'd? and not make my hair all frizzy and dry?
    BC 10/5/12 after 4 months of transitioning!:afro:

    event.png


    Low Porosity, High Density, Coarse, 4a/4b

    Current Products:
    Tresemme Naturals 'Poo & Condish
    Moisturizers: Elasta QP Olive Oil and Mango Butter Moisturizer,Beautiful Textures Moisture Butter,& BB Oil Moisturizer
    Leave In: Cantu Leave-in

    Searching for the best products for my hair
  • Nicky791Nicky791 Registered Users Posts: 679
    Good luck, parents can make you do a lot of things you don't want to do.

    Hopefully you two were able to speak with each other in a manner that got both of your points across without discrepecting the other person, if you both come to a consenous on what is the best for your hair it may make your (and her) life so much easier!
    Last Relaxer: March 26 2009
    Mini Chop: January 16 2010
    BC: April 4 2010
    Transitioned for 1yr 9days!
    Fotki: http://members.fotki.com/Nicky791/about/
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Nicky791

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